No Longer The One

Did you think that I would never know?
Never recall?
Or shy from the pain those memories bring
shoveling down
covering with addiction;
but I knew
in the back of my mind
where the locked chest
of things I do not want to deal with
of things I do not want to acknowledge
Destroyed my childhood.
Destroyed my teenage years.
Destroyed me as a young adult.
It took me a long time
to right the wrong I did to myself
in the name of the father
who harmed me so.
Your voice
no longer the one on repeat
your face
no longer able to haunt my dreams
your death
took from me the ability to make you pay
so I use my imagination instead.
©Sept. 21/22
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