Sunshine Blogger Award

This nomination for the Sunshine Blogger Award came from Grateful Single Moms. Her blog is amazing. I love her posts as they are very relevant to what is going on in my life. You need to check her out.

Sunshine Blogger Award Rules:
-Thank the blogger who nominated you.
-Answer the 11 questions asked.
-Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
-List the rules and include the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

My answers:

What is your blog about and what are your goals for your blog? My blog is about myself, my son and the life we lead. I write about a variety of subjects including depression/anxiety, friends, poetry. I am not really certain at the moment what my goal is for my blog. I will need to think about that and get back to you.
What are you most grateful for? I am most grateful for my family. My family is not only those who I am related to by DNA but also my friends.
Who do you admire most in life? I most admire my mom. She is the one who taught me everything I needed to know. And she doesn’t fuss to much about the stuff I never needed to know but do.
What quote most inspires you? If you can dream it you can do it.
What is one characteristic you wish you possessed? Grace. I am super klutzy
If you could make a living doing anything, what would it be? Writing
What is your greatest victory? Coming back stronger and more aware of myself from this last depressive episode.
What are you most passionate about? T
What could you do to improve your life tomorrow? Buy a lottery ticket and hope that I win. 🙂
What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done? Accepting that I have been through a traumatic event that I am unable to recall at all and that my brain is protecting me.
Who do you admire most? My mom. She raised two children after divorcing in an era where people were still of the belief that you made it work. She is amazing. And I would not be who I am today without her.

My Questions:

  1. Who is your favorite fictional character?
  2. Which writer has influenced you the most?
  3. What is your favorite food?
  4. What is your favorite song?
  5. Who is your favorite recording artist?
  6. How do you find inspiration to create?
  7. If you were to discover that a child was coming into your life what would you chose to name them?
  8. How much time a week do you spend reading?
  9. Who is your favorite historical figure?
  10. What is your favorite season of the year?
  11. What makes you laugh?

My nominees are:



Poetry and Art by Mandy

Mbura blog

lou rasmus

Purple Haze

Love’s Deep Waters

The Gentle and Brave Writer

Mental Health & Killing the Stigma

Havoc and Consequence

Misadventures at 30something

I hope that you will take the time to check out those that I have nominated. Some are new blogs I am following that I have really enjoyed. Others I have been following for some time and I would like them to know how much I appreciate their works.


World Poetry Day…

Happy World Poetry Day

For Much Deliberation

Declared by UNESCO in 1999, World Poetry Day is observed on March 21st:

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T: My Dream

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she falls in love.
Not with her husband
not with her boyfriend
but with her child.
When they come from within
and are laid on her tummy mewling
she welcomes them to the world.
Once I thought it would not happen
once I thought my time had passed
that a child would not
could not
be born of me.
Yet he came
tiny and fragile
delicate yet
and fierce to the end.
They told me not to worry
if he did not cry or scream.
I braced myself for fear
yet when they laid him upon me
he grabbed my finger and held on tight
proclaiming his appearance.
My little warrior,
the fighter that I was meant to be.
Six years later
he astounds me.
He robs me of my breath.
I watch him grow
and learn.
And damn don’t I know
that the best of me is in front of me.
My son.
My child.
My life.
My moon and stars.
The dream I thought I had missed.
Originally written August 7/14 (T’s birthday)
revised March 20/18

It’s time…..

Went into work today with my return to work note. I feel that returning to work 4 hours a day 5 times a week is the best for me. It is what is healthiest for both my mental and emotional well being. I also do not want to jump back in with both feet. I am quite content to work in customer service or cashiering. Reassess after I have been back for awhile.
I was scared to go in and talk to my boss. Very scared. At first I sent off a message to a friend who I discuss everything with.  Than I told the girls. Also explaining to them that I had snarled at T this morning. Than I talked to V.  Told her that despite all my bravery that I was scared shitless to talk to him. I was afraid that he was going to want to talk about what happened and I did not want to revisit it. That was a bad place for me. And that I was worried that I might cry.
First V assures me that losing it on T was totally normal. Kids do not listen to us and it is damn frustrating. And she is right. I had to ask him three or four times to get in the bathroom and brush his teeth. As a matter of fact, I grabbed him by his arm and pushed him into the bathroom. This after snarling at him about the shower this morning. He stank. Badly. But he was annoyed that I did not wake him up at 6. He tried to push back. I pounded on the bed that he was going to shower because he stunk. We went back and forth. He ended up showering.
V reminded me that we were the parents. We made the choices and rules. They had to listen and follow them. She said the right thing at the right time. Now instead of using ‘because I said so’ I am going to pull out the choice and rule law. Way to go V. Coming up with a great way to explain to my child and all children why they must listen to their parents.
Than she addressed my fear about crying. Assured me that it was okay. And to remember that our boss is human too.
I felt so good after talking to her. Calm. There were some twinges in my stomach but nothing overwhelming to me.
Now fast forward to arriving at work. I was terrified to walk in there. I sat in the car and said my affirmations. I shot off a few quick messages of and got out of the car. First I had to drop my prescription  off at the pharmacy and than I went to the front and had boss paged. Gave him the note and he read it. We were going upstairs to discuss my return.
I waited outside his office. Flicked through my phone. And than he came up and I followed him in.
I did it though. I was calm. The butterflies in my stomach disappeared. I looked him the eye and maintained eye contact. I had been wanting to come back slowly and had been going to suggest customer service or cashiering shifts. So it was very easy to agree when he made the suggestion. He wants to observe me. I need to regain his trust. The trust of the other supervisors and staff.
I told him that by far, my well being, emotionally and mentally are what is important to me. That I no longer was going to look down the road but will remain in the present. And than he suggested that I may decide that I did not want to remain as the lead supervisor. At first, I think my reaction was knee jerk when I said to him that I could still do it.
This is food for thought. I have learned a lot about myself in the last three months. And like the butterfly breaking free from the cocoon I am spreading my wings in the sunshine. Ready to soar.

Do Something About It

Change is really hard. But with change comes satisfaction. Comes happiness. Change is necessary.

Discovering Your Happiness

Hello loves ❤

If you hate your job so much you’d rather do just about anything other than get up and go to work, quit. If you hate coming home at the end of a long day because you can’t stand to look your partner in the face, leave. If you are sick and tired of the way your life is going, do something about it.

If you hate your life that much–change it. Stop moaning and groaning about it, and actually do something.

Do you think anyone wants to work with someone who is miserable? No. Do you think you’re doing yourself or your partner a favor by staying with them when you can’t stand to be in the same room as them? No. Do you think you’re really going after what you want when you half-ass things and give up after a few bumps? Nope.

Things aren’t going…

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You are what YOU see!!

Beautiful concept.



We’ve all seen various versions of this photo, but the point is always the same.  It does not matter of others only see the small kitten that you may physically be.  What’s important is the very reflection that you see yourself.  Once you see the vision of the beautiful white, Siberian tiger…..believe that you are that tiger.  Your every move, mannerism and action should be that of the majestic tiger. The more you act like that tiger….the more others will begin to see you as that tiger as well!!

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Go Me!

I feel like I need to say something. I am not sure what it is that I want to say though. Thoughts keep flashing through my head. Not one stops to let me latch on. My inspiration seems to have fallen short. Truthfully I do know what my problem is. I am unsure of how it is that I am going to deal with it. I keep starting to build scenerios in my head and than stopping. This is a dangerous road for me to go down because it starts small and spirals. Every time this happens, I tell myself to not go there. I do not know what the conversations are going to bring. And no matter how much I plot and plan, I do not know what the other person is going to say.
I do not want to return to work. I have been in Customer Service since I was 17 years old. As a waitress, a receptionist, rental and kitchen supplies, taking orders in an industrial setting, and for the last 14 years have worked for the same company in a variety of positions. I am working at a job that does not satisfy me. That does not challenge me so I need to create challenges. I fell into Customer Service by default. It is something that I am good at. Talking to people. Welcoming them. Remembering them. This was not where I was planning to be. A career in writing, that is where I saw myself but the path sorta veered out to the right, crossed to the left and has finally straightened out again.
I recently wrote about how T believes in me. It is time to start to believe in myself and my writing. I recently took the plunge and submitted a poem to the New Reader Magazine. I have mentioned this before and as I type this it has been exactly a month since I sent the poem in. I patiently await a response and am prepared for anything. Rejection is what I am expecting. Not because I do not think that the poem I submitted is not good but because it is my first submission anywhere.
This passed weekend I had the weirdest inspiration. And I wrote a poem that my baby bro told me was pretty good. He was not sure how one goes about measuring a poem as he has never read one before. Which let me know that it actually must be good because this is a man who reads absolutely nothing if he is able to get away with it. (It is due to my wonderful SIL that my niece and nephews are such voracious readers.) I had another poem that fit with this one so I put them together and submitted them.
Of course last night after submitting them I had an ‘omg what the hell have I done? I am so pretentious. Who am I to write about this material?’ I sent a message to K who of course talked me down. She is actually the one who encouraged me to submit Moral Bankruptcy  in the first place. The other is called Subvert. Two brand new and unpublished anywhere poems. And now I wait. Again I am fully expecting to be rejected. I submitted to The New Yorker.
Who am I to do this? That is what is going through my head over and over again. How could I have the audacity, an unknown writer, to submit to one of the most prestigous magazines out there? And in my voice I can hear my bro telling me over and over again to jump. Mom is behind him saying JDI-just do it. And most of all there is T cheering the loudest with ‘Mom you can do this. You can do anything.’
I am moving out of my comfort zone. I am proud of the poetry that I have written. Proud of the poetry that I have submitted. Poetry that as of yet has only been read by K and my bro. Proud of myself.  I am putting myself out there. For good or bad, I have done it.  Go me!