Journey of a Child

From the first
movement
heartbeat heard
mine own
swelled
threatened to burst
love felt
forever
always
my boy.
I watched your first steps.
I heard your first words.
I watched as you learned to ride a bike.
I heard as you learned to read.
I held you in the night against monsters.
Your mind delights me
your heart astounds me
your kindness
your desire to help
all the things I want you to bear forth
the shield to be held in manhood.
We are entering yet another branch
another era in your life
where independence
choices made now
ripple with consequences
turning you into the man you will become.
At every point
I will be there
with a loving heart
and a hug
waiting for you to come home
to me
once more.
©July 29/21
Picture is my own

End of an Era

Friday was T’s last day of school.
He begged and pleaded with his father to be allowed to stay home today and tomorrow.
After checking with me his dad agreed to both days.
Originally it was only going to be Tuesday.
It has been a long and difficult school year so I figured he deserves a treat.
He has a few friends now instead of just the two.
One of whom he even had over last week.
Not that I got to meet him or anything as he was gone by the time I got home from work.
But still…..
Every day T takes his bike to school when he stays with me.
And every morning our routine is the same.
I harass him until we get out the door between 8:12-8:17.
He carries his bike up the stairs and I lock the door behind him.
T puts his kickstand down and comes around to hug me.
Me: Have a good day. I love you.
T: I will. I love you too mom.
Me (walking to car): Stay safe.
T (beginning to pedal away): I always do.
Me: I know but I’m your mom I will always tell you. Love you baby.
I work very hard to not live my life in the future and for the most part I do a very good job of it.
However when it comes to T I can’t help but think of the things he has coming and how I am going to react to it.
Take this passed week when I asked the ex what nights T would be here.
He misunderstood and thought I was suggesting that T should spend the night there alone.
I burst into tears when he said that we could try with T being alone there one night at least.
I immediately texted him back and said no that is not it at all.
Thursday is July 1st which is Canada Day here.
A holiday.
I was trying to figure out what nights the ex was home and T would be there.
Even as I write this I am crying.
Why?
Because my little boy is not so little any more.
I knew the day would come when he would be taller than me and yes he still does need me just not in the same way.
As a parent I know my job is to mold and shape him before loosing T on the world.
It is up to me to make sure that he is kind and compassionate, has empathy and strength to take a stand for what is important.
I never realized how hard each new step would be.
We are now heading into uncharted waters.
Me being menopausal and T becoming a teenager.
This should be interesting to say the least.
©June 28/21
Picture is my own