I’m The Toxic One

So I make one of my co-workers anxious. Which leads to her then saying things that are not true. I get frustrated with how she supervises which leads to me getting annoyed.

K and me were talking about this this morning as well as discussing one of the young girls who was a recent hire. Super sheltered she is an easy frustration for the others. I am trying very hard to remain positive that this young lady can be taught. She is friendly. She talks to the customers. She just needs to learn.

As I am talking to K about extending grace to this recent hire, it hit me that I too must extend grace. To the other supervisor. K was giggling away because she had been about to say that to me. About grace.

Instead she cheered me with how quickly I came around. I did tell her though that I would only come to the front when I was needed because I was not able to handle it. That the way I felt that supervising should happen and the way she does it are two very different things.

I did see her before she stared her shift. Wished her a good morning. She mentioned how much she loved Christmas. I mentioned how it was beginning to feel like it as well. And the Christmas carols have begun on repeat.

I find myself singing along which is funny because years before I am a grinch about them. Hate them. LOL The fact they come on in November makes it even worse. But not this year. This year I am loving them.

I am going to work on how I speak to this other co-worker. I am going to be more aware of how I come across. I can be scary. I know this. And when I stand like a foot over her it can be overwhelming. I am a loomer. I am also a lurker but in this instance it is looming.

I did tell K that for the foreseeable future I was going to be avoiding the front end unless absolutely necessary and she said that was understandable.

Nov. 25/22

Picture via Pinterest

Why Lie?

I have difficulty with liars. My father lied a lot. My brother. I lied. So much easier right than telling the truth if you were in trouble? Eventually I grew up and grew out of the need or desire to lie. Actually really bothers me now if I am accused of lying. Because I will not. I have gone far to the other side, lol, the side of truth.

As an empath I can sense when a person lies. Other times, they lie to me and I already know the truth of it. And that irritates me.

Today, it was a busyish day. I had cashiered in the morning because one of our girls had called out. Bad toothache. In the afternoon everyone was in place and I had some orders for tomorrow that I wanted to get a start on. As well as an order for next week that I needed to write up for a few departments.

I had gone passed customer service and there was a gentleman standing there but I assumed that the supervisor had been looking after him. Went passed the other way and he was still there. Then I heard the supervisor paged. The third time I went by and he was still there, I flew around the corner.

I asked the gentleman if he had been helped yet? He had not. I asked the cashier if the supervisor had come up. Nope they had not. OMG seriously what is going on. I helped the gentleman and paged the supervisor.

There are certain times to do things and other times to not. So between 3:30-6 when people are coming in for their dinner as well as the regular larger orders, I feel, the supervisor should be on the floor. Aware of what is going on. Moving customers around. Taking care of the lotto needs of our customers. What they should not be doing, I feel, is be sitting in the office writing up their envelopes for the evening deposits.

When the supervisor finally came up and I said that the customer had been there for almost 5 minutes she argued with me. Told me she had come up and helped two customers. Then went to office. But did not come when she was paged. She argued with me. I do not care, customers come first.

She insisted that she had helped the customer I had just finished putting through the till.

So either both the customer and the cashier are in cahoots and lied to me or she did. I know which one it was. And the worst of it is is this is not the first and I know it will not be the last time that she lies to me.

When I got home I had the start of a headache. I set my timer for 45 minutes to work out on the glider. Managed 40 minutes before my head ached a little bit much. I took Motrin. Which is how I know it was bad.

I realize that it is because I am annoyed that the headache burrowed in there. Therefore, I made a decision. I am no longer going to look at the front when she is working. I will do my job and leave her to do hers, or not. Going forward it will not be of my concern.

Nov. 24/22

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