Mother and Son 2…

Having a boy is hard. Not because well, I am a woman and do not understand the whole car and what not aspect. Not because I am watching him evolve, and girls are becoming more of a ‘thing’ in his life. T has a girl who is friend, not a girlfriend. Boys are just hard because I have to learn a whole new language and discard some of my ideas and proprieties. Case in point a conversation between K and T yesterday.

K to T: Do not waste your diamonds on a ho!

M: What is a ho? (Cause y’all know that is what she is thinking.)

K: You do not know what a ho is?!?! This is a ho! (Total exasperation because mom is such an idiot)

T: No that is a booty slapper! (Hint it is a shovel but he believes it sounds funnier calling it a booty slapper.)

M: Do you even know what a ho is?

K: (with a look of total disdain) you use it to hoe grass mom!

They were playing Minecraft. The conversations that we hear with these two boys often includes slang that we just are not sure which context it is being used in. I have also discovered this week that my child has a bit (okay a lot) of my sarcastic side comments. He though does not mutter them under his breath the way I do, he just blurts them right out there for everyone to hear and acknowledge.

M has been mulling over the possibility of getting herself a motorcycle. Not entirely sure why and when she announced it to the boys, they were flummoxed. Her point is that prior to their appearance, we both did have other lives. T’s response was to state “That is not going to end well.”

His babysitter has two daughters. Both older than T. He is like their little brother and it is different for them to have a little guy around. On Friday as everyone is in bathroom whether blow drying their hair or brushing teeth and hair, there is my child banging his balloon around asking someone to play with him. K (his sitter) slams it hard and it bounces out. T is dismayed until it is pointed out to him that it is right behind him. Than they are all getting ready for school. Well, T’s bag is already to go and he is leaning against the door waiting and waiting for the girls. K says to them to make sure that they have everything as she has an appointment and will not be home. T’s response “Yeah like that is going to happen.” Death was almost instantaneous from the laser eyes except for the wall between him and H. J just snorted because she knew he was right.

Lastly, Saturday after suppper, M and me are sitting talking. I am telling her how with my spending spree that I am into my overdraft. Not hugely, I can live with the amount over I am but still I just got paid lol. All gone. But the bills are all paid and the fridge and freezer are full. T is playing on the floor when he suddenly looks up at me, worry etched on his face. “Mom am I into my overdraft?”

There is never a quiet or dull moment in my household. T has so many things he wants to know, or has an opinion on. I love all of them. Because no matter what, he knows how to make me laugh. And I treasure the smart ass quality that appears every now and than as it reassures me that a small part of me is in there. It also means he listens when M and me mock others. Not sure if that is a good life lesson, but he would learn it anyway. As long as I teach him, he can be kind in his mockery and absolutely never ever mock the person to their face. Unless a close friend who gets you. M mocks me all the time and vise versa.

It’s been One year

So today I did something that is truly out of character for me. I went on a shopping spree. I bought myself new clothing. Work pants yes, but also a cute top/cover up and not only a skirt but a dress. Both with the vibrant colors that I love. Well the dress is a dark plum but it is color. For so long I wore colors that were drab, colors that allowed me to hide and not be noticed.

Each day I gain more and more confidence in myself. Each day I see a better me and I like her. I am happy. Happy! This in and of itself still mystifies me. Happiness was something that others had not me. My ex and me are getting along. Amicable I would venture to say. He feels that it is important for T to be with me mother’s day so he will be coming home early. To make me waffles. Frozen ones because well, he is eight.

I overspent on my budget. M told me not to worry about it. So I am not. Again this is bizarre for me. And than I am at home looking at my FB page and up pops a memory. 1 year ago today was the end of the first week of my life as a single mom and woman. 1 year ago today I began a new chapter in my life and it has been wonderful.

I have grown. I have thrived. I have been hurt, I have been played. But through it all I loved T and myself. I know my worth and I know my son’s. He is my life my love. He is funny and smart, some times a smart ass but he is turning out to be a good kid. I faced the blackness of depression but rather than be sucked into the whirlwind, I fought my way back.

I have started writing again. Poetry mostly. Sometimes my words are stilted and sometimes they just flow. I am able to see now that I am a goddess of worth. That I do not have to settle for less than I am meant to have. Not in conceit but in the knowledge of my worth. I am smart, kinda cute, well read and I like to laugh. A lot. Step up or step back. LOL tonight is an anniversary of sorts.

1 year ago my new life began for real. No more unhappiness. No more despair. Just me and my son. And I have done it.

Cheers. And Happy Anniversary to me.