So we had another set to this morning. Oh it was a doozy of all doozies. T actually tired to hit me. Turns out that I can still man handle T and was able to wrap him in a bear hug. Angry angry words were spoken by both myself and the devil spawn of my loins.
The Ex text me this afternoon and asked me what time I wanted devil spawn home on Saturday afternoon. And I said I did not. I wanted to have a me weekend. Apparently when T got home the Ex wanted to know why I did not want him home early. So T told him we had a fight. That he had tried to hit me. And did so because I had tried to break his phone.
Fast forward to T getting home this evening. He comes in and is all I have nothing to drink. I wanna watch t.v. And so on and so forth. I am sitting here, eyebrow cocked looking at him thinking to myself, are you fucking serious? After the way you acted this morning, you are pulling more attitude on me? So guess who decided to be obstinate? Guess who decided that she was going to enter the lions den and goad said lions?
T is whimpering and whining away at me about wanting to watch t.v. and how all he wanted was a good evening. How could I ruin this evening for him? And this was the best one, when was I going into my room so he could have the t.v. I asked him if he thought that he really should have the t.v. to himself. He said well why not? Hmmmmmm I wonder, could it have been your attitude this morning? Could it be that you are still acting like you were a part of the immaculate conception and all should bow down to you? Than I go to the fun part.
I asked him if he told his dad about what had happened this morning? He said yeah. Okay, what did you tell him? Did you tell him that you tried to hit me? Yes, but I told him that you had tried to break my phone. Okay, let me get this straight, you told your dad that you tried to hit me but it was in response to my trying to break your phone? (I slammed it down on the counter in a fit of anger) Yep. So tell me what did your dad say? He said I was never suppose to try and hit you but you are not suppose to slam my phone down either.
I looked at him. He looked at me. I picked up my phone. And asked if I were to text the Ex right now and ask him if he said that I was not to slam the phone down he was going to say that that was true? T starts to hedge about how dad always forgets things remember? So caught him in a lie. Than I asked why he had brought this up with his dad, because I had not.
Deer in the headlights. Gotta say score for parents. Even if we did not discuss this, T got owned.
As I write this, he is shrieking at me. His friend wanted him to play on the Xbox. I said no. He than messages his friend that he is unable to because ‘my mom won’t let me.’ ‘Because you disrespected me!’ ‘He does not need to know that mom.’
‘That is okay buddy because I am sharing it on my blog.’
He is right steamed at me as of this post. Yelled at me that I was no longer allowed to blog about him. I could not share with all those strangers who are going to make fun of him. I could not tell my friends. Why did I want to make him the laughingstock of the world?
Now right there, that made me laugh so hard I cried. As if the world is interested in our little lives. And as for me sharing? Hell I share shit that makes me look like the Guardian of Hell, so putting him out there as the devil’s spawn (and I am not even capitalizing it) is minuscule.
I realize my limitations. I know that there are going to be people horrified that I am blogging about how T and I fought. That I am sharing about how he treats me and how I respond. But you know what, there are moms and dads out there, who think that they are losing their minds because everyone else around them are perfect parents. That they alone have the child(ren) from hell.
Honey you are so not alone. Those who do sit out there and point their fingers at you they are not presenting a real face to the world. Children no matter how sweet they may appear, will show some assholery at some point and time in their lives. And if they truly are the angelic persons that their parents have painted them to be, than the hell spawn will pollute their lines during their tenure as parents.
***No children were harmed during the writing of this post. ***
I have always prided myself on my great memory. I use to make fun of mom when she would forget something. Well as they say Karma is a bitch and she seems to have decided that now is payback time. I have had three incidents in the last two weeks that have me shaking my head wondering what the heck is going on. I will let y’all make your own decisions on whether or not I should be committed or just require a full time sitter/minder.
Incident #1: I am hoping I have not already blogged this.
Was having my morning coffee and got up to get my second cup. I like sugar and cream in my coffee. I was getting to the last few cubes of sugar or so I thought when I realized that the box was gone. Now, I was pretty darn sure that I had not used up all the sugar cubes. I checked the garbage can even though I was pretty positive that I had not thrown the box out. Even checked my cupboards and no cubes. I figured I must have thrown the box into the garbage to go outside and I was not going to go rooting around in there. I used the loose sugar and went to get the creamer out and what do I find? My box of sugar cubes. I do not even remember putting them in there.
During my procrastination evening I was doing my laundry. My uniforms were in there so when the dryer stopped, I had to go in and pull pants, sweaters and shirts out so they did not wrinkle. Found the pants. Found the shirts. Found one sweater. I start rooting around in the dryer which is not very large, tossing things this way and that muttering the whole time ‘how on earth can I loose a sweater in here?’ I shook my head and figured I would find it later. Went into the bedroom and opened the closet door to hang up my other uniform parts and what do I find, but my other sweater.
Are you guys sensing a theme here?
Incident #3: Took place today
I was getting ready for work and decided that I was going to take my Kindle with me because all my go to people are working. So at lunch I was going to have no one to talk to. K is working. DD is working. V is at work. I mean I could go and follow her around. P is working and Auntie K is busy. See no one to talk with. And going through emails while an option meant that I would have to eat upstairs with everyone else so I had somewhere to put my lunch. I do not like eating upstairs I like my quiet time. Sat down and finished cleaning up the earlier emails I had and realized what time is was so I went into my room to get my Kindle.
The last place I had seen it was on my bed. I pulled the blanket back and stood stupefied as it was not there. Okay so I shook the top blanket and nope nothing there. I pulled the comforter back thinking that maybe it had somehow gotten under the covers. Nope. I even did the parachute thing and shook the comforter to see if it would fall to the floor. No but two hangers did. I grabbed the pillows and threw them to the floor. Still no Kindle.
Went into the living room. Checked the coffee table. Checked under the blanket on my couch. Checked in the bathroom. Went back into my bedroom and shook the pillows. Still no Kindle. Down onto my knees to look under the bed. Thomas got a push in case he was sitting on it. Than a slight panic as I thought I had now misplaced my phone. Easy to find it was sitting on the bedside table. Glanced at the time and it was 11:15. I had to go given I was working at 11:30.
I messaged DD on my way out the door lamenting that I had misplaced my Kindle. I knew it was in the house somewhere but where remained to be seen. I kept going over and over in my mind where it could be. But I was positive that the last place I had seen it was in my bed. Got to work and sat in car for a few minutes messaging back and forth. As I typed once more that I would find it the location occurred to me.
I had planned to read during my 20 minutes on the stationary bike. So my Kindle was sitting on the tray. With my work out runners and yoga mat. Oh but dumb I am!
All I can do is shake my head. And laugh at myself. At the very least I get some great stories to tell my seniors at work who are afraid that they are having some memory issues. 🙂
Yesterday T and me, we went shopping. I had not been in awhile and although the freezer selection of meat was fine, I had run low on lunch supplies. Side dishes. And I needed some more fish. And the Top Sirloin Roasts and Steaks, they were on for a great price. So I had to. But this is not about my shopping trip or the fact I overspent once more but got a ton of Air Miles, not this, this is about T.
On the way to the store, T found the old wipers I had taken off of the car and replaced last weekend. He was pretending that one was a gun. Our drive is approximately 5 minutes. During that time he killed I do not know how many bad guys, all the while with a running commentary so that I was kept safe.
No problemo. Get to the store and there is a small rule I have. This is where I work. Please do not run amok and act like a moron. In other words, for the 20 minutes it will take us to shop, please pretend that you are an alien who is inhabiting my child’s body; who watched Miss Manners while trying to learn our culture. Alas, it was not meant to be. There were bad guys everywhere.
I stopped to grab vitamins. Requested that T stay with the cart. Turn around and who is behind be? Sans cart? T! I roll my eyes and ask where the heck the cart is. Here mom, I moved it two rows over, it is safe here. The logic of a 9 year old boy.
My eyes got a great workout while we were shopping. I was rolling them. Hissing his name every 30 seconds it felt like as he whipped around corners. I get gargling my threats, as I silently shrieked watch out at him. He was immune to my silent glares. I apologized to so many customers that he almost sideswiped.
In T’s defense, he was using the cart as a shield and attacking the bad guys. He was keeping the shopping world safe.
Realized that I forgotten butter. Made him promise not to move from the bakery section. Came back to find him in the meat department visiting with the lobsters.
I explained to him that despite his apparent dislike for grocery shopping that the more he misbehaved the more times he was going to have to come with me. He stared at me like I had grown three heads and I could suddenly see the hamsters achurnin’. How much worse would he have to be before I would stop making him come? I quickly shut those hamsters up by explaining that until such time as he can act like a human being, he will be continuing to shop with me.
This goes against everything T has been taught. Behave badly and get what you want. Yell and scream, mom or dad will let me go out. Not now. Mom and dad are on the same page. No more bad behaviour. And it is my responsibility not to beat a dead issue, to ensure that when I release him into the world, that he knows how to behave as a member of society.
We got to the till and T takes off with the bags while I am unloading. I stand up and wth? Where did he go? My supervisor found him and I am again hissing at him. I must have sounded like a snake half the time. Get over here with the bags please. Sent him off to get me a flyer. Turn around and he is sitting down with two bags and the flyer.
My supervisor bagging is chortling to herself. She is newly married. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and gave her my best advice ‘avoid children at all costs.’
We finally got out of there and home. T helped by carrying in the two lightest bags on his windshield wiper bow. Than he was off. I was texting with a friend and grumbling to him about the behaviour in the store when he stopped me dead in my tracks:
‘Jay he is a 9 year old boy being a 9 year old boy. Hopped up on sugar and grocery shopping with his mom. Of course he was obnoxious.’
And there you have it. Sudden shift of perception. He is not even a human being at the moment. He is a 9 year old boy who sees bad guys and guns everywhere. Trucks and cars and loud noises are his forte. Fart jokes and things like ‘why did the girl fall off the swing? ‘Cause she was dead!’ sends him into spasms of laughter.
No matter how often I cringe, the words balls, nuts, etc are now a part of the lexicon in my household. And not by choice.
Yes it is my job to make him that alien who can go shopping, but it is also my job to let him be this alien who is a rambunctious child filled with joy and innocence for as long as I am able.
T came back to me Tuesday after school this week. I drove a friend to the airport on Sunday and than drove home, not along my intended route but hey, I got home in one piece and I will not be anxious doing this again. However that is departures not arrivals. LOL. Monday evening something had come up and as M the ex is beginning a new job next week, one that is going to be nights, he was okay with keeping T the extra day for me.
Monday was no school and T and his dad were hanging out. I have had two different versions of the same story, sorta. It involved clothing and not listening. Again a 9 year old who believes that he knows everything. Due to this, the halloween costume that T wanted was taken away. He did not care. Rapidly, he lost television and computer privileges. Halloween was cancelled, he no longer wanted to go out. I was a little lost but I text K2 (babysitter and friend extraordinaire) and let her know what was going on. Figured that she would get the story out of T and help him see things from a non-confrontational parent-child way.
Sure enough Tuesday I received a call at work from K2 telling me that we were going to be going trick or treating after all. T had started to get excited when he saw the girls dressing up. So he donned mask and cape and off the six of us went. K2 and her hubby, her two girls, T and me. The kids had a blast. Big bags full of candy. Went out for about an hour and a half. On the way home, T admitted to me that while he had fun, it was not as much fun as when you were wearing a costume that you actually wanted to. I figure that without meaning to M2 has taught T a message loud and clear here.
Let us fast forward now to Wednesday. There has been some whining in regards to the use of the computer. The watching of Youtube. I was laying on the couch reading keeping an eye on what T was watching on one hand and the time on the other. It was shower night.
Who knew that showering could be such a difficult concept for a 9 year old boy. Let alone it took me longer to get into the bathroom and start the shower for him than it did for him to shower. 1 minute people, he took 1 minute to wash his body and hair and than he was out. Being environmentally friendly he tells me, I have my suspicions though that he might only stick a toe under the water. I will investigate further and let you know. And now the battle begins.
I had told him before he went in to shower, that his time on Youtube was done for the evening. When he returned 2 minutes later, he went to get on the computer. I said, no Youtube time is done for the night. And he sat down in front of the computer. We than engaged in a 45 minute standoff.
At one point I decided enough was enough so I gathered up phone, kindle and with the cats following, turned the living room light out and crawled into my bed. T followed as well. And layed down at my bedroom door and proceeded to continue his howling. For he was bored. Nothing I suggested was good enough. He wanted his electronics.
Did I really want a bored unhappy kid on my hands or did I want a happy bored kid on my hands? If I did not relent, he was going to take the school bus home to his dad’s. I said alright, I will text and let your dad know. He will just bring you back to me. He was dumpster bored. Despite his explaining that level of boredom I still do not understand. I did though offer to take him down and let him sleep out in the dumpster in our parking lot overnight, and we could revisit the dumpster boredom level this morning. That idea was shot right down.
We even did the countdown of how much time I was wasting for him. By not allowing him to have his own way. I video taped part of it and sent to his father and a few of my girlfriends. I had to. It was all I could do not to laugh as he caterwauled and screamed. Every so often when he paused for breath I would ask if he was done. When he said no, I allowed him to continue. Finally he wound down and I asked if he was able to listen and hear what I had to say.
T did. Until I reached the part about how his actions have consequences and boom, he is off and running again. Finally I had enough. It was after 9, I had been listening for 45 minutes and was done. I indicated to T it was bedtime and he should go to his bed as I was going to sleep. Oh yes, more screeching and hollering.
I got out of bed and he danced back into his room. So there is the I no longer have to push him into his room, he goes when I get up. And I closed my bedroom door. I was not going to fight with him. I was not going to yell at him. I told him I loved him but it was time now for bed, and as this was my time, I did not have to listen any longer.
There was a little more screaming and sobbing like I had driven over his imaginary best friend, and now I was stressing. All I could think was my upstairs neighbors have now called the RCMP. Awesome. But I had a plan, I was going to make T answer the door and explain that all the screaming was because I would not allow him to watch electronics. Figured I was safe but did go in and mention the possibility to T. With severe protests that the RCMP would not be coming, T began to calm. Eventually he fell asleep.
When he awoke this morning, it was all good. Not cranky. Not upset. We talked and he agreed he was again in the wrong with his behaviour. Rather, I asked did he think that he deserved to watch Youtube this morning and he agreed he did not. Also in agreement that this behaviour would not be repeated. Offered to let him watch the video. T declined. There will be a viewing prior to his returning to his dad’s for next week.
And I told him I was keeping this video until he got married. I want him to have to explain to everyone he knows, and his newly extended in-laws, just what dumpster boredom is all about.
The way that I am feeling is in part a response to T crying for his dad last night.
For my inability to see beyond my own ego and knee jerk reaction of being hurt oh yeah that is a big factor.
Because I feel like such a fraud. That I am not really a good mom. I am not even a mediocre mom.
I come home from work, I make us dinner. I clean up, I get T’s lunch for the next day ready. I check to make sure everything has been taken out of his knapsack. Finally, I get to take my uniform off put my jammies on, wash my face and sit on the couch. T is on the computer as usual. I usually flip through Netflix throw something on and read or check messages on my phone.
I head to bed about 8:30, exhausted from my day. From being on all the time. From all the smiling and talking. I have nothing left to give to T but my kind indifference. I love him I do. I am not sure I am the right mom for him.
I want to be that mom who is there for everything. Who is able to stay home and care for her child and be there to volunteer at school. The mom who makes the arts and crafts projects that her child wants to make. Baking fresh cookies. Making dinner with all the four major food groups. But that is not the reality of my life.
My life is tiring. My anxiety is beginning to creep up again and I know why. The weather is changing so there is less sunlight. Less sunlight means less vitamin d. Less vitamin d leads to a plummet in my moods which even my meds cannot help to balance out. So I added vitamin d into my daily vitamin regime and am waiting for my energy to kick in at home. Not only during the eight hours that I am at work.
I am finding it more and more difficult to relate to T. His life is nerf guns and Scrap Mechanic. Watching videos of people playing videos. I do not know how to talk to him. I ask questions and bug for answers. He answers briefly before shutting me out. Again that is my fault.
So I need to change. Changing my behaviour will lead to a change in T’s behaviour. No more supper before the computer and t.v. Off the computer and electronics from 8:30-9 during which time T and me will play cards or talk about what is going on.
I cannot continue to follow this path. It is hurting me and hurting T. I want more than anything to be a mom that T knows loves him so much even if I cannot be and do all the things I want to for him. That is all.
Just that he knows I love him.