Wonder where he gets it?

This has certainly been a week of discoveries. I took holidays this July (1 week only) for the first time in 3 years. And T and me spent this week up with my mom. Whom I love with all my heart. But lordy spending all this time in a three bedroom smallish cabin is enough to make a woman tear her hair out. Even when T is with me we still have time apart. He goes outside to play, I get fifteen minutes of silence.

On Wednesday I announced to mom that I required 15 minutes, just 15 to go for a walk by myself and rebalance. This was way too much together time. She huffed. T waved as I walked away. I tried to explain later to her why it was required but am not sure that she really got it.

Which leads me to the ‘wonder where he gets it’? T and mom started butting heads on Tuesday I believe it was. Monday when we arrived it was gorgeous out. Mom and GU-S (great uncle-mom’s youngest brother) immediately put T to work. I sat on the deck soaking up the sun and reading. I was to build the fire. There was too much in the fire pit and anyways once I got the fire started the uncle took over.

Tuesday though, was bleak and rainy. Windy too. We were all on top of one another and I allowed T to play his video games on the phone. Not my phone lol but a phone his dad had given him. No sim card but GU-S had hooked him up to the internet so it was all good. I had checked these games the night before and had no issues with him playing. Did I maybe allow him to play too much and too long? Mom certainly thought so while I was just happy that I was not subjected to the boredom song. And this was when the smart mouth and constant desire to be last came to the forefront.

I have never realized, and that may be because he does not pull it that often with me, that T has a need to have the final word. But oh lordy, once mom pointed it out to me, I heard it. I saw it occurring. There were a lot of warning low grumbles of ‘T that is enough.’ There was mom telling me that I needed to nip this in the bud or I would end up regretting it. T was being a smartass and for the most part I could deal but not when I was getting it from both sides.

Wednesday also dawned grey and wet. Oh lordy not another day spent inside with these two! I was not sure that I was going to be able to handle it. (Thankfully T’s little friend KJ had arrived on Tuesday evening and eventually the sun broke through allowing me to sit in the back reading and chilling and getting my shore up time.) Mom asked me a few questions to which I shot back some smartass comments. She than pointed out to me that it wasn’t a wonder T had a smart mouth he learned it from me.

T is always right. He will twist and turn his facts to prove he is right. He also, with mom it seems, needs to have the last word. Mom and me were talking about something, I cannot remember what now but she made a comment and she says to me ‘well I wonder where T has learned the smartass behaviour and need to be last.’ ‘I do not always have to have the last word and I wonder where I learned it from?’ an arched eyebrow as I looked at her.

‘Jay, I am funny not sarcastic and you always have to have the last word.’ She is opening the door to go in. ‘I do not.’ I retort quite like the 8 year old son I have. Mom looks at me and just shakes her head.

I never have noticed that I require the last word. I rarely argue with anyone any more. I do not argue with folks at work, nor do I talk enough to my bro to have any arguments. Which leaves only T and myself. And usually those arguments end with one or both of us in angry tears. And I always get the last word in as the parent.

This picture was taken on Thursday after a huge battle before leaving the cabin. Mom wanted to do her laundry. T had a fight with KJ. He was not pleased that he had to go to Winnipeg Beach with us. There was yelling. I took the phone away and he was reduced to tears. I also threatened to put him in the car myself if he didn’t get in there. Not sure how I would have accomplished that as he is a very solid little boy.

Once in Winnipeg Beach, I made him come along on our walk, threatening that I could not leave him in the car as it was illegal. The RCMP would arrest me for child endangerment. I made him hold my hand as we walked. T was less than thrilled with me.

As he stomped along pouting, mom and me walked behind him talking about this and that. Until he saw the play structure, with boys playing. Mom had intentionally guided us that way. We left him to play while we took a short stroll. Mom wanted to get some pics of me so I told T where we were headed and I would come back for him. Everyone was happy.

After we were done, mom headed back to the laundry mat to get her clothes and I went off to collect T. Who was heading towards me, a little distraught. He had come looking for mom and me and may have panicked a wee bit when I was not where I said that I was going to be.

As we walked along, he informed me that he loved me. And he held onto me. Of his own volition. I made him stop and took this picture of us. We were both happy and in a good mood. I got him ice cream. And one for mom.

More and more do I see myself in T. I am sure that when he is with his dad, his dad sees all sorts of habits/behaviours that are just like his own. I do believe (and this might be wishful thinking) that more and more, his internal unseen building blocks are more like mine. He is tenacious and sarcastic and stubborn. He spins fiction into facts and they sound good. He is my son.

This will not be an annual thing……

So the muses of my mind have been a little silent. With so much going on within the last week and the need to organize everything I can before I am on holidays next week, they are either taking a siesta or have gone on a vacation of their own. I am missing them a lot and wish that they would return from wherever they have gone but in the meantime I will do my best using my own voice to fill y’all in.

Last week between mom being here for a visit and T finishing off school it was hectic. It was also a long weekend here in Canada. However, our work week runs Sunday through Saturday so my stat was during the week, not this passed Monday which everyone else had off. I was at work for 6 a.m. And when asked if I enjoyed my weekend off I smiled sweetly because truth be told, it was already my weekend off as I had T.

Thursday afternoon I returned mom to the city. Via a massive amount of construction. I sailed through my confidence level good despite the fact I was driving in the city, in two lanes surrounded by angry people and pylons. We made amazing time. Hit every green light until mom stated the obvious. And jinxed us. After that I made every yellow light.

While turning onto Taylor to head to Grant (yes I know those who do not reside in Manitoba will not really understand but that is what google maps are for :)) this jerk decided he was going to try to pull across two lanes of roadway, cutting me off. He figured he was old and deserved it, I figured he was rude and could wait. I won, he called me a nasty name as I stared at him and I smiled. Again pure win on my part. That than lead to a discussion between mom and myself as to why her generation feels so entitled. As though the rules no longer applied to them. Mom was horrified to discover that this is a thing as well as flabbergasted that some many of her generation have become rude and arrogant.

Dropped mom off at my uncle’s with the promise that we would see her Saturday morning up at the lake. Until I returned home and mom started texting. It seemed that my aunt and uncle could not decide what time they were planning on leaving for the lake Friday. Mom was going crazy (like me she likes a time line of when and where and how) so it was decided that after work Friday T and me would drive to Winnipeg, pick mom up and head off to Matlock Beach for the weekend.

(Side bar: Thursday night as I was making supper, T and me are talking. I was making mashed potatoes and the fork I had used to fluff them was covered in white, steaming butter covered potatoes so I stuck the fork in my mouth, tines down to lick it off. The fork got stuck in my mouth, caught behind my bottom eyeteeth. I was frantic. I tugged and could feel my teeth sorta move so I stopped. Visions flashed before my eyes of me having to go to the hospital emergency to have a fork removed from my mouth. I would have sat there for hours while nurses made fun of me behind their charts. I eventually wiggled it free and will never ever do that again. Tines up from now on)

Friday mom wants us to leave by 2 p.m. I did not walk out the door of work until 2 p.m. I also was unable to head home at lunch to get anything ready so when T and me got home I was flying around the house. Dishes had to be done. Garbage taken out. Pack clothing for two days and whatever toys T wanted. T is meandering around the house. I am nattering away about clothes and move your butt when T announces ‘mom the more you rush me the slower I am going to go. And I will forget stuff.’ Grrrrrrrr the logic of 8 year olds.

Finally we left. And I was directed to take a different route to my uncle’s. One that would avoid construction. One that took me via a complex maze of streets, four lane highways, merging and the need to find side streets to drive down. Needless to say, it did not work out well. My anxiety ramped right up. I ended up in the wrong lane and I had to turn. Slight detour. Finally, despite having made a wrong turn again I reassured T I knew where we were and not to worry. I also discovered that unless it involved Minecraft or Scrap Mechanic his skill for detail and remembering pertinent info is still unformed.

Fast forward ahead and we arrived at the lake safely and soundly. T was excited. Mom used me as a mule and I schlepped things in, helped to unpack and than poured a glass of wine. I felt the week’s stresses melt slowly away and I was looking forward to a nice weekend at the lake. Maybe the weather gods would be nice and actually provide us with beautiful weather for the weekend. (They did not the lousy jerks until I was reminded that they required sacrifice, mainly bare skin for the oogling……not when the temperature is only 15 with wind and clouds it isn’t. The weather gods and me just did not see eye to eye although I did show a little leg for their amusement.)

T had an awesome weekend. His friend from last year was out. They spent Friday evening and all day Saturday and evening playing. Still trying to figure out what they found to talk about because neither one stopped once. They created plays and played war games. Who knew that sticks could be the source of great amusement?

Sunday rolls around and we have to leave around 12:30. Sitting on the deck with mom while T and his friend KJ (to differentiate from K) ran around playing. Which is when they spied the pieces from the Ladder Golf game and asked if they could play. Which lead to me having to put it back together. Missing pieces. Small pieces jammed into three way pipe and nigh on immovable. I groused. Mom insisted.

I sat on the ground looking at the pieces. Mom went in and Youtubed a video. Wanted to take all the pieces inside to put together. I glared at her. I swore. I told her as I sat on the damp morning grass that she should just let me be, I would get it. I swore some more, stared at her over the top of my glasses and stated the obvious: ‘If some dumbass takes this apart this year, it is going into the fire next year!’

Took me about fifteen minutes to get the two pieces together. T and KJ began their game while mom and me went back to our crossword puzzles. Me still grumbling under my breath that she had best not expect me to make this an annual thing. I would not be putting it together again next year. (I may buy some compound cement and glue it all together mwahahahahhahahahahahaha)

And than the weekend came to an end. T and me had to leave as his dad was picking him up at 4 p.m. After he text me to ensure that this was his week to have T and what time was he to pick him up at. I sorta stared at that text for a moment or two trying to process how someone would need to be reminded of their week with their child but hey……..

This week has been busy busy busy. I am working to get everything done at work. I have been working out 1 hour and 15 minutes every other day. I have cut all the bad stuff out of my diet, wine, tobacco (7 months for that one!!!) and am working very hard to become healthier and stronger. My energy level is up (as proven by my body’s desire to be up at 6 a.m. today despite being able to sleep in) and my dreams are beginning to return. (Not dreams as in things I want to do but those fun and wacky images that run rampant at night.)

Next week is holidays and apparently the weather gods are suppose to be being kind. Hot and sunny. If they are really kind I may even get into the bathing suit and go swimming in the lake with T. But only if they are really kind.

Total Recall

Tonight my mom and me were talking. She asked me what I remembered about a family trip we had taken in 1983. I listed off a few things that I recalled. And even more sprang to mind. 

Mom than says to me that as she reads it becomes real and there are memories she had forgotten. And was not sure how me and the bro would react to the emotions and memories.

‘​We are different now mom. And that is a cause for reflection. And seeing a glimpse into our shared past and I don’t know how to explain the rest of what I want to say.’

But now I do. What I wanted to/was trying to say was: The people that we are now and the shared experiences that we have had, colors how you look at the memories. You see the child and the woman/man that we have become. Imaglimated. How we act and the way we speak now will tinge those pictures recreated as the evolved personality is seen. 

The diaries she is reading were written between the years of 1983-1987. Part of me wants to relieve those memories to laugh and cry. To see the life the three of us carved. 

A large part of me wants to hide. 1986-1987 were not good years and I don’t mean for wine. They were brutal years for me and I was a nasty teenage girl. 

However in my insights to how my mom feels lays my own insight. To continue on this path I have begun I am going to have to face that horrid scared 13-14 year old me. And I am going to get to know her again through my memories and hers.