Sheriff John

Anyone who takes a gander at the comments know that John over at The Eclectic Contrarian and me tend to banter back and forth. We have been known to suck people into reading all 100 or more comments (LMAO) leading them into a dark abyss where they finally realize they read all our comments. We were joking around and he said I should write a poem about him. A mountain man. So I did. I am hoping that you will find this as funny as I did. And I had such a blast writing it.

Peeking through knitted lace
Watching
Wondering
Thoughts filling her mind.
What evil awaits?
What crime would be committed?
Should she venture out there?
Timid by nature 
Afraid to be
One day a man came to rescue her.
Big and brave
Tall as the mountain
Shaggy like a bear.
Carried a massive axe
Upon his back
In case any trees step in his way.
Vibrant and funny
His word to become law
As he cleared the evil world.
Like thick hickory coffee
Strong
Comforting 
Warm
He spoke with eloquence 
That made the girls swoon.
‘Sherriff John is such a dream.’
Soft giggles
Follow always behind
As he keeps the mountain lair
Safe from all crime.
Alas though there was one
His sister be
She did not think him great all.
When he came home
She snipped……
‘You forgot to feed the goat!’
 
March 6/19
Photo by Daniel Horvath on Unsplash
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Poo

Do you see these two?

With eyes that glow in the dark

do not be fooled

they are not as cute as you think they are.

Do you smell the poo?

Well can you?

Who would ever guess

in a million years

that something so small

so furry

would make that god awful stench?

They look at me and wait

knowing that I will gag upon my fate

with scoop in hand

and mask upon my face

I excavate the offending poop

while they wait.

 

 

Mama’s Mafia

Photo by Bruce Dixon on Unsplash

Dumbass.
Door knob.
Dickhead.
Douchebag.
Dork.
And yes they know it means whale penis.
These are the names
the insults
my girls have given to you.
They dislike you.
They would bury you
up to your neck
at low tide
where the sand crabs can get you.
Pinch your nose
your lips
your cheeks
watch as the surf rolled in
covering your face.
They really really don’t like you
or how you treat this lass.
I have cried so many tears.
Wailed and gnashed my teeth.
Finally they were done
and decided that you need to learn
you cannot play with my heart
without raising the wrath of the mighty five.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
May 9/18

War #1

A wasted land
barren
soil sered
dust devils rise.  
Skeletal branches
reaching towards an atmosphere
seeking sunlight
searching for oxygen
needed to survive. 
Danger tinged air
filled with venomous particles
as the masses huddle beneath
caught up in a boiling war
of ‘my dick is bigger than his!’
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
 **The title is not catchy but it is the only one I could come up with**
**The picture is my own. A semi-dead plant I keep around for the cats to chew on.**