Untitled Relationship Poem #7

Fuck you!
Slashing
slicing
violent words 
used to rip your soul apart
the way you ripped mine.
No guns
no fists 
no blades
vicious words 
spill from my mouth
looking to cut you away.
Trust has been blasted
no more base
not sure what I am going to do
you have hurt me so much.
I should have insisted
but your words 
your promises 
your voiws
lulled my suspicions.
Never again.
Grievous pain
firing through heart
brain
tired of the charge
I want to turn it off.
I want to numb myself
to this hurt inside.
Standing beneath the rushing water
deep breath
once in
twice out
it will be alright.
A fool am I 
love knows no bounds
not a love like this.
Rage
frothing
swelling
you should really run
’cause this woman 
went and got her gun.
 
Feb. 16/18
 
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Untitled Relationship Poem #6

I realized
standing at the kitchen sink
hands steeped in water
I have not dealt with
the pain you caused.
Drinking too much
I have hidden
drowned
my sorrows
so I did not look it in the face.
Sight blurred
tears dripping from my chin
I felt pain.
howl ripped deep
shattering me
staggering to my knees.
I lay sobbing
memory after memory
rushing
streaming
flying
from heart to mind
too many to categorize.
Crawling to the bedroom
pulling myself into bed
I pull your pillow close
wrapping myself around
inhaling your scent
feeling summer heat on my skin.
Alcohol infused soul
hidding
hidden
hid
behind blackened void
where once my heart was.
Prayers never worked
yet I mutter your name
over and over
rosary beads through my hand.
Slices
carmine lips
shattered smile stitched across my face.
Eyes blooded
removed
no need to see
fact
I will always come back to you.
Feb. 12/19

Figment

I lay within my lover’s arms
attending the steady heart beat
held tight against the midnight storm
of nightmares 
and drooling beasts.
A gentle hand does caress
pulling sheets close
a summer breeze
dancing over bare skin
as he tilts my head to kiss.
I see the love that shimmers there
I feel it in how he speaks
the low rumble of his voice 
within my chest
making me complete.
With eastern sky beginning to pink
I struggle to stay awake
but sleep does pull 
and eyes do close 
assured that I am safe. 
I stretch my limbs 
contented sigh
hand reaching out to feel…..
cold space is all I find
as you are nothing…..
A figment
a dream slipping
a fantasy 
a man unfound
except 
within the imaginings  of my mind.
 
January 31/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #5

***This poem was written last year during Nov/Dec period. Reworked today***
I allowed it.
I allowed you
to maim me
to bite me
to shred my heart.
There was no breaking in two
it disintegrated.
pain unlike any…..
Any…..
Do you see that?
Any…..
I had felt before.
I stood beneath full moon
lashes glittering with tears
unable to comprehend
bewildered I am
for you seem to be blaming me?
It took a bit
but colors bleed true
slashes of fabric
please release me.
All told me
your actions
are louder than words.
Never thought it true.
You have proved me wrong.
I regret
having thought you were different
that you were…..
maybe Prince Charming…..
my own love story…..
when all you are is a farce.
I do not regret
having allowed you into my life
though you made me bleed
opened my heart
learned I could love
find the right partner again.
Too bad
So sad
Guess you have no one to blame.
Oh wait
Yes you do
Yourself
While I…..
I learn to be free.
January 30/19

Lost

I am lost.
I am found.
Beggers wish
my knees would hit the ground.
Supplicant
beholden
burning fires within
stoked
rage
despair
hatred.
Reaching out with chains
bounding
wrapping
staging your game…
no where shall you go
no where shall you pass
I guard
the virginal soul.
Send not your dart.
Dodging
tying to evade
pricked in the leg
pain
weary
desolation
flood my very being
tears soaking
dripping
filming my gaze.
My lips move
espouting
love
desire
truth
reality.
Falling to the floor
falling through the floor
escaping
fleeing
running
screams following me.
oh wait
they are my own.
January 27/19
 

Melancholy

Melancholic love song
floating on the air
wisps of music
taunting my ear.
He is under my skin.
He is in my head.
He is always in my heart.
I do not understand
what is it about me that
cannot let him go?
What is it about him?
In my dreams
in my thoughts
fool am I
for loving him still.
I wonder
when he reads my words
does he laugh?
Or does it hurt him
the way it hurts me?
He haunts my dreams.
The worst of it is…….
I really do not know
if the words I write
mean anything.
Happy thoughts
of him…..
of me…..
  beneath the summer suns.
January 25/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #4

Sadness.
Inevitable.
A cloak of darkness
a mantle
blankets me
entering my heart
shredding my emotions
making me cry.
Tears fall from blinded  eyes.
In the corner I stand
eyes furtive
settling on no one
calling no attention to myself.
I wonder how I can be so lonely
in a room full of people.
I move
a shadow
brief stirring of air
as I pass
leaving the room .
None notice.
I have made no impression.
I am not the one you are looking for
when your eyes rove around the room.
I am not the one.
Never was I the one.
You played with me
toyed with me
adoration shining from my eyes
unable to see
but a brief stop was I
you never meant to stay.
Tears fall
crumpled in a heap
loneliness assaulting 
black bottomless pain
ripping me apart.
January 13/19