Yes Honey

Fear.
You gave me that.
Loathing.
You gave me that too.
Hatred.
Mistrust.
Self-destruct button.
All of these I attribute to you.
Cooing soft words
sucked me in
serpent’s tongue
flicks so good
insidious abuse below the surface.
First it was how I looked.
What to show.
What not to.
Until I was afraid to leave the house.
Next you shore me of friends.
So subtle I did not realize how alone
until I needed someone to help.
Warned I had been
no good you would be
destruction of self
murder of worth
well honey you sure the fuck did.
I struggled
finally gained strength to leave
when upon bended knee
crocodile tears did flow
begging me to stay
that you loved me true
please baby don’t go
your eyes awash.
Barbs to my soul
I gave up my life for you…..
my life…..
When I gouge the barbs free
transformation can begin…..
Wait…..
oh hell no…..
rip barbs free
no longer allowed to cling
to continue to harm
self destruction will stop now!
You have been my jailor
imprisoned within memories of your making.
I am beautiful.
I am a warrior.
I believe this truth.
I know this to be true.
Bleed from a thousand spots
barbed no more
shred time beneath my heels
square my shoulders
looking forward…..
to happiness
to life
to love
to all I deserve.
©June 25/20
Picture via Pinterest
***This poem was written for one of my soul sisters. Ya know those sisters who you meet and you just know you are family. She needs to be reminded that she is a kick ass Warrior Queen. Love you. ***

Forgotten Woman

I wrote a poem called Other Woman last year. Chuck of The Reluctant Poet   suggested that there was a prequel and ending to the poem making it into a trilogy love story. Well here is the last part. And as always a wee bit dark.

Thought it would never get easier
that tears
falling
rain drops
of my soul bleeding
when a funny thing happened.
One day I realized…..
I no longer was waiting for the ding.
I no longer was agonizing
over no messages.
I realized the next
I no longer sought your face
in the line up of callers.
I realized the next
you face was not the one
called up as I masturbate.
Melancholic
sucked grey days
held them tight
bartering my heart
if only you were to write.
I look back.
I know that I was a fool
falling for a taken man
who never thought
he would re-fall in love
with the woman he married.
Yet you did.
Poof……
Like that
gone you were
from life
from day
from hour
striping me of warmth
shattering my love
with one well crushed lie.
I wished you the best
at end of year
all I want is your happiness.
I do.
(I also would like 
to cut off your head
for being too chicken to tell me.
Ooooopsss………
that part was not suppose to slip out.)
Go back to your wife.
Go back to your children.
My memories of you
buried deep
behind charcoal grave
a nugget of coal
hardened heart
dreams no more.
©June 8/20
Picture via Pinterest