Foolish Fantasy

Rain…..
Face pressed to window
tears
unseen
watching for headlights
straining to hear
knowing you are not to come.
Days grey
sodden wool
walking zombie
bitter pill.
Warned I was
tuck
run
do not look back
only hurt I would be.
Foolish woman
I should have heeded
my own inner voice
the one screaming
begging
for me to flee.
Deep down
I knew
before we even met
how hard I would fall
how I would regret
giving over my heart
to someone with no trust.
Faith.
I had…..
Disappointed
I am…..
Forward
backwards
time will always ebb & flow.
©March 6/20
Picture via Pinterest

Forgettable

You told me I was unforgettable
he proved it.
You told me that you loved me
he proved that he did.
You told me I was safe with you
that was a lie
you tore my heart in two.
He picked up the pieces
glued them back together
held my hand
every night I cried.
Listened
to every memory
angry tirade
sad blindness
never saying a word against you.
You thought that I would be here
you thought that I would wait
what you did not count on
was…..
anyone can be replaced.
Turns out you were forgettable.
©Jan. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

Girlish Dreams

Encircled in your arms
held tight
I told you my truth
my history
expecting you to run.
Tears shed
nuzzled my neck
tightened your hold
told me I was safe.
I believed.
I trusted.
Sit here I do
unshed
blurred vision
wondering how it went wrong
wondering
why does it hurt so much still?
Fool.
I was.
Tried to deny
tried to hide
truth
feelings run deep
but
only in me.
What is that song?
Unforgettable?
Forgettable I am.
Heart broken
anger twisted
pain still the same
how do you make it look so easy
to let go
to walk away?
©Jan. 22/20
Picture via Pinterest

Within

Within
deep rooted anguish
for you no longer care.
Words are spoken
gestures are made
once actions were louder
but silence is even louder
letting me know
exactly where I stand.
You made me so happy.
You made my heart sing.
You made me cry a million times
telling me it was for my own good….
Your letting go
your saying good bye
for how else can I go forward
if I am still clinging to broken dreams?
Darkness
where light once did reside
there is no welcoming reprieve
pain ebbs and flows
never really gone
lesser for awhile.
I can write so many love poems
I can write so many lyrical words
I can write……
I can destroy…..
I can maim you on paper…..
I can kill you with my pen…..
What I can not do
is kill
the feelings within.
©Jan 22/20
Picture via Pinterest

Truth’s Soft Sadness

Autumn’s crimson
golden blondes
faded
crushed to black
as earth cools
sending to sleep
Nature’s denizens.
Warmth from the sun
fleeting
a sad small gesture of defiance
in summer’s waning days.
Fallen leaves
blanket the ground
breath fresh on the air
frost on the blades of grass.
Honking geese flee the sky
another herald of summer done
sand is boxed
sun set to side
now we must
return from fantasy land.
I must let you go
let you return to your life
ignore these crystal tears
for you have moved on
even when you say that you have not
but baby
I know the truth.

©Oct. 3/19
Picture is my own

Love’s Pain Never Lessens

This is an accompany poem to Your Fool.

Resigned
that is how I feel
why I thought this time would be different
I could not tell you.
When you said you loved me
I pashawed
how can you love someone from afar?
You can
for I do
which is why this pain
erupting inside of me
feels as though I am rending in two.
I want to wail
screech
pound upon the alter of fate
demanding to know
why am I the last always
prophesied to never have care
poor lonely woman
love has always been my downfall.
Whispered words
slipped between the worlds of reality
of dreams
of fantasy
lulling me
pacifying my need
for love and adoration.
Weep I shall
for fantasies unplayed
for dreams unrealized
letting go of this infatuation
with love
with the thought
that there is someone for me.
Head hung low
see not the tears aglitter
upon my cheeks.
Good bye my love
I shall whisper
into your sleeping ear
thank you for these times
but flee I must
staying here
will only bleed me.

©Sept. 30/19
Picture is one of my own Matlock Beach
2017

Your Fool

I feel the fool
as I sit here
tears seeping from my eyes
at the pain I feel
even though we are so far apart.
A part of my day
a love that I have
I told myself I was the one.
I thought
I do not know what I thought
I should have known
romance does not play out
I am the one
left sitting on the curb
wondering what went wrong.
I saw you accidentally
on a night you told me you were busy
I had gone out with some friends.
They tried to shield me
as they have before
but I saw you
I saw her in your arms
held tight
as you did with me last night.
Am I but a conquest?
Someone who you needed to control
to make your own
until satisfied
you rode on to the next one.
I told you
when you said I love you
I wanted none of that
I am too old
to play these teenage games.
I wish you farewell
for my heart is breaking in two
and if you stay near me
I will always be your fool.

©Sept. 30/19
Picture is one of my own taken Matlock Beach
2017