Abomination

Daddy was a preacher
a high roller
in a small town
ranting his sermons on Sunday
living in sin the rest of the week.
I knew what his feelings were going to be.
I heard him pontificate on it
many a time
but my heart was sure.
I sat before him
as he glared at me
demanding that I obey
abandon the one that I love
just because it would hurt his good name.
The first lash of the belt
that one hurt the most.
Methodically
slowly he flagellated
each strip on fire
cruelty in his venom.
I cried
begged to be free
but daddy…..
refused to let me go
tying me to my bed
while I screamed with horror.
In the dark of the night
as he snored in drunken slumber
I crept away
never turning around
never looking back
fleeing that house of pain.
I can show you the scars I bear
but I have worked hard
to put them away.
The memories
flood my nightmares
as I hear his roars:
‘You are an abomination. 
God will love you no more.’
September 5/18
Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash
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Miss You

I miss you
miss your arms around me
miss the smile you give me
when what I say
it makes sense to you.
You listen to me
listen like no one has ever done
making me wonder
who you are
what your game is with me.
Why do you reach out?
Why do you make me feel?
I was content for it to be playful
no emotions
no feelings.
You changed the game
or was it me?
And now we look at one another
eyes hooded with lust
with desire
with trust.
All I want to do
is crawl into your arms
to have you stare into my eyes
I want to wrap my legs around
draw you close
baby please draw me near.
We are scared
we are daring
we want one another
what we don’t want
is the pain
the fear
that we carry in our hearts.
Aug. 22/18

Good bye My Love

I have fallen

not at your feet

but within myself

and there is no going back.

Now

you are entwined with my past

the hurt

the pain that I feel.

I wish that it had not happened this way

I wish that I could still be yours

yet I know

there is no way

that I can submit to you again.

My way of saying good-bye

it was not right

I should have explained further

I should have explained it at all

there is no way of knowing

what monsters lay in my bed.

Memories that have been hidden

you brought to the forefront

the anguish

the pain

the darkness that enveloped

I curled within myself.

Screaming in my head.

I am sorry my love

I wish it could  be different

we must walk away

while love is still everlasting.

All copy rights reserved.

Jay-lyn Doerksen

July 26/17

Dream to Come

My muse
My seduction
My misbeaten heart.
Your liquid eyes
Fill me to the brim
Tugging at my heart.
Misconception
Misunderstood
You trigger thoughts
and words
Twisting my tongue
Into lovely tales.
There is no right
There is no wrong
There is just you and I
A dream to come.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
July 12/18

Twisted Fate

Sardonic grin
dances across my lips
as I contemplate
that fate
may be having a laugh
at our expense.
First…
the sea was way too choppy.
Second…
the air too salty.
Finally you come ashore.
The beacon flared bright.
I watched
I waited
I only wanted to have you.
Time though
it ticks past
making mock of my mood.
Batteries die
storms come alive
the police got in the way.
What the hell?
What is it about you and me
that has the gods in an uproar?
What do we share
ties
ideas
want of being
that karma strives so hard
to keep us apart?
Jay-lyn Doerksen
June 29/18
 Photo by Ryan Young on Unsplash

Caught

When you look at me

your smile on your lips

my stomach does a flip

and butterflies soar.

When you touch my hand

pulling me in close

my breath catches

as I stare in your eyes.

I keep telling myself

not to do this

not to fall

for heartache is brutal

I have felt.

Swooning

your lips pressed to my ear

you whisper sweet nothings

stroking my hair.

Even as I fall

even as I let go

I know deep down

this happiness is fleeting.

I do not care.

I will live.

I will love.

I will be myself.

 

 

How do I know?

Truth or dare
how do I know you like me?
Question and answer
I am sure you already know
so I smile naively.
Serious though
pensive
cannot figure out
what I see
what I want
when I have no need.
I said adios
to my lovers of the past
telling all
that it would be unfair.
Unfair of me to continue
to reach out
kept in the wings
as if already admitting defeat.
There is one way
that will tell you
exactly how I feel…..
I cleaned my car
vacuumed
dust wiped
all in case
you might see the inside.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
June 30/18
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash