Foolish Fantasy

Rain…..

Face pressed to window

tears

unseen

watching for headlights

straining to hear

knowing you are not to come.

Days grey

sodden wool

walking zombie

bitter pill.

Warned I was

tuck

run

do not look back

only hurt I would be.

Foolish woman

I should have heeded

my own inner voice

the one screaming

begging

for me to flee.

Deep down

I knew

before we even met

how hard I would fall

how I would regret

giving over my heart

to someone with no trust.

Faith.

I had…..

Disappointed

I am…..

Forward

backwards

time will always ebb & flow.

©March 6/20

Picture via Pinterest

Forgettable

You told me I was unforgettable

he proved it.

You told me that you loved me

he proved that he did.

You told me I was safe with you

that was a lie

you tore my heart in two.

He picked up the pieces

glued them back together

held my hand

every night I cried.

Listened

to every memory

angry tirade

sad blindness

never saying a word against you.

You thought that I would be here

you thought that I would wait

what you did not count on

was…..

anyone can be replaced.

Turns out you were forgettable.

©Jan. 25/20

Picture via Pinterest

Girlish Dreams

Encircled in your arms

held tight

I told you my truth

my history

expecting you to run.

Tears shed

nuzzled my neck

tightened your hold

told me I was safe.

I believed.

I trusted.

Sit here I do

unshed

blurred vision

wondering how it went wrong

wondering

why does it hurt so much still?

Fool.

I was.

Tried to deny

tried to hide

truth

feelings run deep

but

only in me.

What is that song?

Unforgettable?

Forgettable I am.

Heart broken

anger twisted

pain still the same

how do you make it look so easy

to let go

to walk away?

©Jan. 22/20

Picture via Pinterest

Within

Within

deep rooted anguish

for you no longer care.

Words are spoken

gestures are made

once actions were louder

but silence is even louder

letting me know

exactly where I stand.

You made me so happy.

You made my heart sing.

You made me cry a million times

telling me it was for my own good….

Your letting go

your saying good bye

for how else can I go forward

if I am still clinging to broken dreams?

Darkness

where light once did reside

there is no welcoming reprieve

pain ebbs and flows

never really gone

lesser for awhile.

I can write so many love poems

I can write so many lyrical words

I can write……

I can destroy…..

I can maim you on paper…..

I can kill you with my pen…..

What I can not do

is kill

the feelings within.

©Jan 22/20

Picture via Pinterest

Truth’s Soft Sadness

Autumn’s crimson
golden blondes
faded
crushed to black
as earth cools
sending to sleep
Nature’s denizens.
Warmth from the sun
fleeting
a sad small gesture of defiance
in summer’s waning days.
Fallen leaves
blanket the ground
breath fresh on the air
frost on the blades of grass.
Honking geese flee the sky
another herald of summer done
sand is boxed
sun set to side
now we must
return from fantasy land.
I must let you go
let you return to your life
ignore these crystal tears
for you have moved on
even when you say that you have not
but baby
I know the truth.

©Oct. 3/19
Picture is my own

Love’s Pain Never Lessens

This is an accompany poem to Your Fool.

Resigned
that is how I feel
why I thought this time would be different
I could not tell you.
When you said you loved me
I pashawed
how can you love someone from afar?
You can
for I do
which is why this pain
erupting inside of me
feels as though I am rending in two.
I want to wail
screech
pound upon the alter of fate
demanding to know
why am I the last always
prophesied to never have care
poor lonely woman
love has always been my downfall.
Whispered words
slipped between the worlds of reality
of dreams
of fantasy
lulling me
pacifying my need
for love and adoration.
Weep I shall
for fantasies unplayed
for dreams unrealized
letting go of this infatuation
with love
with the thought
that there is someone for me.
Head hung low
see not the tears aglitter
upon my cheeks.
Good bye my love
I shall whisper
into your sleeping ear
thank you for these times
but flee I must
staying here
will only bleed me.

©Sept. 30/19
Picture is one of my own Matlock Beach
2017

Your Fool

I feel the fool
as I sit here
tears seeping from my eyes
at the pain I feel
even though we are so far apart.
A part of my day
a love that I have
I told myself I was the one.
I thought
I do not know what I thought
I should have known
romance does not play out
I am the one
left sitting on the curb
wondering what went wrong.
I saw you accidentally
on a night you told me you were busy
I had gone out with some friends.
They tried to shield me
as they have before
but I saw you
I saw her in your arms
held tight
as you did with me last night.
Am I but a conquest?
Someone who you needed to control
to make your own
until satisfied
you rode on to the next one.
I told you
when you said I love you
I wanted none of that
I am too old
to play these teenage games.
I wish you farewell
for my heart is breaking in two
and if you stay near me
I will always be your fool.

©Sept. 30/19
Picture is one of my own taken Matlock Beach
2017