Alone

Ghostly
chimes ring in my ears
awakening me
bathed in
awash in
velvet rays of sunlight.
Faintly
a remembrance
words whispered
hot breath
warm hands
desire swelling
peaking
falling
dissipating
while I lay coiled in your arms.
Awareness 
slowly creeps in
tears crawl down my cheeks
for this is naught
but a dream.
Perchance
one day
a time come soon
I will once more be there
comforted
protected
loved again.
I wait…..
tremors to cease
heart to resume beating
time to move forward.
While I……
I remain in the past
caught
in the greatest love affair
of my life.
Tangled web
sticky strands
none let go
none shall stand.
Alone I am.
Alone I shall be.
Alone…….
forever 
eternally.
April 13/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Untitled Relationship Poem #9

Cold
wet
grey days
those are the ones to rip me back
to peel the barely formed scar
rent once more
furrows in my heart.
I remember cool fall evenings
held in your arms
warmth derived
from love
passion
desire.
Tears escape
trail over gauntness
pallor
unhealthy
soul searing disgust.
I remember long conversations
of learning
of truth
of deception
of strength
of weakness
you swore you would always care
I could count on that.
Forever and anon.
Funny how your forever and anon
lasted only as long as it took for you to find sweeter lips
than mine own.
April 8/19
 

Tempest Howls

Left in the wind
howling
full moon
calling blood to surface
bringing me to my knees.
Tempest
storm unacknowledged
swimming against the tide
fighting
desperate
I will make it back
crawl upon the shore
gaze up in weariness at the stars on high.
Count my blessings
there are none
only a cold darkness
that condemns.
Curled in a ball
curled in on my soul
desperate to make myself feel
desperate to make myself forget
contradiction
this I know
but you know not
see not
the rotting damage within.
See not
the reel of film
on autoplay
over and over
ravaging of my being
my heart
broken when so little.
No one cares
no one attempted to shelter
I have been alone
alone
always I shall be.
Pain
would that you could feel
sharp
blinding
no one can save
I am dying
care to acknowledge your part
your destination in this plot?
I thought not
Father wolf shall come
ready to rip out your throat.
Sit upon your chest
muzzle soaked through
gentle lick of the cheek
salted tears gone
head upon his fur
steady heartbeat
he is my protector
he is my……
Fuck you.
 
March 28/19
Image by GimpWorkshop from Pixabay

Ta Ta

A sigh of finality
letting this fantasy go
what was shared
gone forever more.
Tears well
shedding 
scattering 
prisms in my eyes
glancing down
heart breaking
I can no longer deny.
I stalk you
you stalk me
we know
we follow
we want to be.
In each others lives.
I wonder sometimes
if I am a fool?
If I read too much?
Old time romance
flowers at my feet
sweet words whispered in my ear
swept away
knocked to my knees.
Tick tock
I watch the clock
counting down
hours
minutes
seconds
admitting finally
to myself
you love me no more.
Tears sparkle
rainbow prisms on the wall
I forget…..
desperate to forget
what you showed me.
Love
desire
trust.
Why did you damage me such?
Why did I damage you?
I look up
you look down
dimwit
kneeling here.
I realize
you have said your good-byes.
I accept it now.
I bow my head
so none can see
fool that I am.
See not the tears
tremors of hands
lips curled down
forlorn
lost…..
 
Ta Ta 
hear the bells ring
death knell 
to our dream.
 
March !6/19

Darkness

Recently Chuck over at The Reluctant Poet got into touch with me and provided me with a word…..darkness. Said to think about how I felt about it. What it meant to me. The following is the poem that came out of it. I sent off to Chuck who read and added some thoughts. I think that we came up with something awesome. If you have a chance please mosey on over and check out his blog.

Within her
a wellspring
of love
hope
empathy.
Within him
a void
no love
no hope
no empathy.
How they came to be
will never be understood.
A mystery.
How they fell apart
a tale as old as the day.
Another tragedy.
No happily ever after.
No Cinderella story
 
They danced beneath moonlight
they played beneath summer skies
a romance
a love affair
written in the stars.
A fantasy.
Not
meant to be
forever.
This ending…..
so sad.
 
 
She saw the darkness 
within his inabilities.
But hid from the realities 
loving  him anyway.
Her heart swelled
her eyes teared
as she gave him 
compassion…..
herself…..
her truth…..
only to see it 
thrown in her face.
Rejected
unwanted
the dawn finds her
alone.  
Darkness falls.
Midnight black.
Pills in hand….
Giving into her demons
killing the pain
the only way she knew how.
Escaping her demons
she surrendered.
A broken prison
heart wrenched.
Ravaged heart.
Passion gone.
All her dragons released.
She soared on devil’s wings
pain no longer a fear
gently lulled
a lull-a-bye
singing in her head.
Darkness falls.
No longer peaceful
she hides in a fog.
Too late
no chance for change.
With her last breath
she cursed him
to never find light again.
Originally written January 28/19
Posted March 5/19

Never Again

I hear you.
Chirping away at me.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
First time you lied 
should have known better
should have shown you the door.
Second time you lied
I crossed my fingers
hoping that you were done.
Third time…..
Well damn girl…..
I was just an idiot
so lost in lust
I could not see straight.
My desire for you
my obsession with you
all consuming
eating away at me.
Back and forth I go.
Do I love you?
Or do I not?
My lack.
My confidence
gone to black.
Fed your ego
made you so tender
basked in my adoration
how does it feel
now that I am gone?
I saw you.
I see you.
I miss you.
I no longer need you.
Love you still.
Protecting my heart…..
shielded…..
shackled…..
lost
caged…..
found
in your hand or mine
shall never know.
Forgiving I am.
Wiser.
My worth.
My knowledge.
Myself.
Never again
will I forget
who I am
who I am meant to be.
Never again will I lose me.
 
March 2/19
Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash

Untitled Relationship Poem #8

***I began this back in December. Today I finished it off. Creatively.***
Did you do this to suck me back in?
I build up this fantasy
I attribute to you
ideas
feelings
desires
which are mine
not yours.
I hurt myself
thinking that there is a possibility
you might want me as much as I want you.
Tell me true……
do you love me?
do you miss me?
do you want me still?
I want to twine my arms
my legs
my body around yours.
I want to
feel safe
feel desired
feel wanted.
I miss you so……
but 
I need to know
am I only a game to you?
Tell me true
do not lead me on
not by the nose
not by the…….
please
I need the truth
which I hold dear.
Truth I espouse.
I need it.
Lies are evil
torn me down
hurt me
left me a bleeding mess
emotionally.
Do not lie to me.
I have never lied to you. 
Never.
This is me…..
down on my knees…….
begging you please…..
do not hurt me. 
 
Feb. 23/19