Trueheart

Beholden

to public

to reality

to images

past

present

future

is something remiss?

I am not who I seem.

I am not who I play.

I am a woman.

I am a toy.

I am……

submissive.

Cradle my head

hold my soul

care for me

while I long for

it all.

Misconception

weak I am not

giving up my faith

my trust

my everything

to give you control

to allow you in

to let you lead…..

something most do not understand.

I desire

need

feed

on structure

rules

guidance

for I would care not for self

if you did not insist.

I am worthless

unless I am in your eyes.

I am crying

unless I am in your arms.

I am dying

alone

scared

desperate.

Please

oh please

keep me safe

hold the monsters at bay

while I sleep.

©July 4/19

Picture via Pinterest

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Alone

Ghostly

chimes ring in my ears

awakening me

bathed in

awash in

velvet rays of sunlight.

Faintly

a remembrance

words whispered

hot breath

warm hands

desire swelling

peaking

falling

dissipating

while I lay coiled in your arms.

Awareness 

slowly creeps in

tears crawl down my cheeks

for this is naught

but a dream.

Perchance

one day

a time come soon

I will once more be there

comforted

protected

loved again.

I wait…..

tremors to cease

heart to resume beating

time to move forward.

While I……

I remain in the past

caught

in the greatest love affair

of my life.

Tangled web

sticky strands

none let go

none shall stand.

Alone I am.

Alone I shall be.

Alone…….

forever 

eternally.

April 13/19

Picture via Pinterest

Untitled Relationship Poem #9

Cold

wet

grey days

those are the ones to rip me back

to peel the barely formed scar

rent once more

furrows in my heart.

I remember cool fall evenings

held in your arms

warmth derived

from love

passion

desire.

Tears escape

trail over gauntness

pallor

unhealthy

soul searing disgust.

I remember long conversations

of learning

of truth

of deception

of strength

of weakness

you swore you would always care

I could count on that.

Forever and anon.

Funny how your forever and anon

lasted only as long as it took for you to find sweeter lips

than mine own.

April 8/19

 

Tempest Howls

Left in the wind

howling

full moon

calling blood to surface

bringing me to my knees.

Tempest

storm unacknowledged

swimming against the tide

fighting

desperate

I will make it back

crawl upon the shore

gaze up in weariness at the stars on high.

Count my blessings

there are none

only a cold darkness

that condemns.

Curled in a ball

curled in on my soul

desperate to make myself feel

desperate to make myself forget

contradiction

this I know

but you know not

see not

the rotting damage within.

See not

the reel of film

on autoplay

over and over

ravaging of my being

my heart

broken when so little.

No one cares

no one attempted to shelter

I have been alone

alone

always I shall be.

Pain

would that you could feel

sharp

blinding

no one can save

I am dying

care to acknowledge your part

your destination in this plot?

I thought not

Father wolf shall come

ready to rip out your throat.

Sit upon your chest

muzzle soaked through

gentle lick of the cheek

salted tears gone

head upon his fur

steady heartbeat

he is my protector

he is my……

Fuck you.

 

March 28/19

Image by GimpWorkshop from Pixabay

Ta Ta

A sigh of finality

letting this fantasy go

what was shared

gone forever more.

Tears well

shedding 

scattering 

prisms in my eyes

glancing down

heart breaking

I can no longer deny.

I stalk you

you stalk me

we know

we follow

we want to be.

In each others lives.

I wonder sometimes

if I am a fool?

If I read too much?

Old time romance

flowers at my feet

sweet words whispered in my ear

swept away

knocked to my knees.

Tick tock

I watch the clock

counting down

hours

minutes

seconds

admitting finally

to myself

you love me no more.

Tears sparkle

rainbow prisms on the wall

I forget…..

desperate to forget

what you showed me.

Love

desire

trust.

Why did you damage me such?

Why did I damage you?

I look up

you look down

dimwit

kneeling here.

I realize

you have said your good-byes.

I accept it now.

I bow my head

so none can see

fool that I am.

See not the tears

tremors of hands

lips curled down

forlorn

lost…..

 

Ta Ta 

hear the bells ring

death knell 

to our dream.

 

March !6/19

Darkness

Recently Chuck over at The Reluctant Poet got into touch with me and provided me with a word…..darkness. Said to think about how I felt about it. What it meant to me. The following is the poem that came out of it. I sent off to Chuck who read and added some thoughts. I think that we came up with something awesome. If you have a chance please mosey on over and check out his blog.

Within her

a wellspring

of love

hope

empathy.

Within him

a void

no love

no hope

no empathy.

How they came to be

will never be understood.

A mystery.

How they fell apart

a tale as old as the day.

Another tragedy.

No happily ever after.

No Cinderella story

 

They danced beneath moonlight

they played beneath summer skies

a romance

a love affair

written in the stars.

A fantasy.

Not

meant to be

forever.

This ending…..

so sad.

 

 

She saw the darkness 

within his inabilities.

But hid from the realities 

loving  him anyway.

Her heart swelled

her eyes teared

as she gave him 

compassion…..

herself…..

her truth…..

only to see it 

thrown in her face.

Rejected

unwanted

the dawn finds her

alone.  

Darkness falls.

Midnight black.

Pills in hand….

Giving into her demons

killing the pain

the only way she knew how.

Escaping her demons

she surrendered.

A broken prison

heart wrenched.

Ravaged heart.

Passion gone.

All her dragons released.

She soared on devil’s wings

pain no longer a fear

gently lulled

a lull-a-bye

singing in her head.

Darkness falls.

No longer peaceful

she hides in a fog.

Too late

no chance for change.

With her last breath

she cursed him

to never find light again.

Originally written January 28/19

Posted March 5/19

Never Again

I hear you.

Chirping away at me.

Chirp.

Chirp.

Chirp.

First time you lied 

should have known better

should have shown you the door.

Second time you lied

I crossed my fingers

hoping that you were done.

Third time…..

Well damn girl…..

I was just an idiot

so lost in lust

I could not see straight.

My desire for you

my obsession with you

all consuming

eating away at me.

Back and forth I go.

Do I love you?

Or do I not?

My lack.

My confidence

gone to black.

Fed your ego

made you so tender

basked in my adoration

how does it feel

now that I am gone?

I saw you.

I see you.

I miss you.

I no longer need you.

Love you still.

Protecting my heart…..

shielded…..

shackled…..

lost

caged…..

found

in your hand or mine

shall never know.

Forgiving I am.

Wiser.

My worth.

My knowledge.

Myself.

Never again

will I forget

who I am

who I am meant to be.

Never again will I lose me.

 

March 2/19

Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash