Banal Veracity

Hard to say
hard to see
time has come
to worry
to fret
to wonder
what the hell is going on?
I am lost.
I know that.
I admit that.
My needs are simple.
My needs are easy.
Hold me in your arms
make me feel safe
whispered words
wrapped in your embrace.
These are days…..
days never imagined
black death…..
plague…..
might be comparable
front line
never thought it
hand out
supplication
our new reality.
I do what I have to do.
I keep you safe.
I keep myself safe.
I can only do what is…..
expectations must be modified
within reason
within trust
within my ability to give.
My words go out
my words…..
try to offer sympathy
I cannot though
we are too far gone
there is no returning from this.
Bow
plead
deaf ears have turned
no one is hearing
no one is caring
we shall die
while they eat pie
yet
our fault it will be
so they shall see
I am sorry
reality is blurred
there is no saving you
there is no saving me
there is no saving…..
bland truth
blooded dreams
we can go no further.
©March 27/20
Picture is my own.

Absolution of Self

Ever sat
deep pit welling inside
blank eyed stare
sunlight does not penetrate
darkness
no less inkier
than the space I am in.
Trembling
black chasm
right beneath my feet
blinded so
by the roaring voices
pushing out all other thoughts
all other sounds.
Falling
arms spread out
let me go
I hate you
it is my turn
it is my time……..
Vicious
lips drawn in rage
I turn back
face to face
I will battle
I will win
I will never
not ever
fall to my knees
chained by the past
from which
I have broken free.
Bowed head
on my knees
shattered
not beaten
not again shackled
trapped in whirling vortex…..
I am free.
I loosed the beast
roar into the night
fly
my fears
my addictions
my hurts
my angers
leave me……
Absolved.
A babe born anew
a canvas
awaiting
awakening
to the beauty within.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Balance the Scales

Fingers grip blanket tight
squeezing eyes shut.
Whispered prayer
never answered:
maybe tonight
the monsters won’t come
please keep me safe
someone.
Dead gaze
never a smile
how could no one notice
how could they not see
the wraith walking before them?
A child
bruised
skittish
afraid of all
falling between the cracks.
Too many fingers
too many hands
too many mouths
rape a child’s soul
battered
wanting to die
indomitable will
refusing to give up
refusing to allow suicide.
Growing
becoming a woman
tables turning
hunting those who hunted
child turned avenger
all will pay.
©Jan. 8/20
Picture via Pinterest

Evil’s Acceptance

This poem was inspired by a post on Bitchin’ in the Kitchen . The post Why I’ll Never Use Twitter Again had me shaking and crying by end. Given my past I cannot allow this to pass without comment. And I thank Britchy for bringing it to my attention. I am not going to pontificate but this is wrong…this is pure evil….

Jay-lyn  Dec. 6/19

There are many faces
facets
for evil
hiding in plain sight
allowed with passive complacency
by those who need to do better.
Children sexualized.
Men
women
allowed to do so
with legitimacy
on social platforms.
No voices raised. 
No shouts of dismay.
Quiet changes
deep within the fine print
allows malignant growth
of ideas
that must not 
cannot see the light of day.
Have you heard the cries?
Have you heard the devastation?
Screams of pain
dark despair
wishes of death
dancing within a child’s head?
When hurting oneself
only so not to feel
not to care
is the only way out
the only way to cope with all that fear.
Let me lead you down the winding path
carved
inked upon my psyche
my skin
show you the death of innocence
the turning inward
the anger
the rage.
It took me years to overcome.
Imagine now
shattered bodies
those unable to break free
who took their lives
who took the lives of others
to satisfy a sick desire.
We must resist this growing tide
this evil that is coiling
insidious with its reach
for should we ignore
chose ignorance
a reaping will take place.
©Dec. 6/19
Picture via Pinterest

Truth’s Ballad

How battered
how bruised
how broken
must I be
that I view everything you say
under scrutiny.
Thoughts
always twisted
expectant of the worst
never expecting the good.
Cannot believe the hurt
stifled for so long
brewing
bursting through my skin.
Death worms
boring outward
escaping with their vile shards
stomped beneath my boot
as they fall.
No one loves you.
I am loved.
You are ugly.
I see my beauty.
It comes from within.
No one wants to hear your pain.
I am surrounded by those
who share my pain
hold my hand
hug me tight
let me cry.
You are shallow
selfish
insignificant in this world.
I am me.
I am imperfect.
I have shattered.
I have remade myself.
I am learning to listen
finally
to the most important person of all…..
myself.
Clothed in color
standing upon cliff’s edge
within my hands
ashes of…..
the horror of my past
the fear that tried to bind me
the voice
wailing in fear
in shame
in pain
no longer caged
no longer tongueless
soars
released to the skies
song upon the bird’s wings.

©Oct. 16/19
Picture is my own

Two become One…..

Winter
shrouds the ground
covering all in sleeping death
memories stored
forgiveness withheld
oh damn you poor woman.
Life attacks
in so many ways
how can you be sure
which lesson you should learn?
It is easy to differentiate.
At least it is for me.
I run
I hide
I try so hard
not to face the voice in my head.
I turn my eyes
I duck my head
I am weak
I am
I cannot
I will not
oh shit
hear it comes again…..
the voice
whispering
chiding
making me see.
Truth is not easy to face
to see.
It is painful.
Rip back the scab.
Rip back the veil.
It is time…..
amalgamate me.

©Oct. 13/19
Picture is my own

Restoration of Self

This poem has been inspired by Christine of Poetry for Healing.

Her Daily Haiku-Sat. October 5, 2019

I saw a young woman
standing beneath crystal falls
head back
eyes closed
cleansing herself of her past.
Dark
depression
anger so raw
ravaged her soul
tore her apart.
Year upon year
she abused herself
she took the drugs
she drank the booze
hiding from the truth
blade driven into her heart
time was coming
she needed to mend.
Suicide was not upon her mind
the night it came crashing down
all there was
a howling void
being fed
stop shrieking
stop raging
stop
stop
stop
stop
I can take it no longer.
Yes
for that is me
young
old
middle
I am all of that
and so much more.
Look into the mirror
see no longer shame
beautiful woman
you have grown.
Entwine
image old and new
behold
glorious woman
you are renewed.
I saw a young woman
she stood beneath the falls
washing away perceived sins.
Pushing back
long golden locks
I realized it was me.
Forgiveness is a place
deep deep inside
that is where to heal begins.
I grow
I love
I desire
a new life for me
one where I am strong.
©Oct. 5/19
Picture via Pinterest