Two become One…..

Winter
shrouds the ground
covering all in sleeping death
memories stored
forgiveness withheld
oh damn you poor woman.
Life attacks
in so many ways
how can you be sure
which lesson you should learn?
It is easy to differentiate.
At least it is for me.
I run
I hide
I try so hard
not to face the voice in my head.
I turn my eyes
I duck my head
I am weak
I am
I cannot
I will not
oh shit
hear it comes again…..
the voice
whispering
chiding
making me see.
Truth is not easy to face
to see.
It is painful.
Rip back the scab.
Rip back the veil.
It is time…..
amalgamate me.

©Oct. 13/19
Picture is my own

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Restoration of Self

This poem has been inspired by Christine of Poetry for Healing.

Her Daily Haiku-Sat. October 5, 2019

I saw a young woman
standing beneath crystal falls
head back
eyes closed
cleansing herself of her past.
Dark
depression
anger so raw
ravaged her soul
tore her apart.
Year upon year
she abused herself
she took the drugs
she drank the booze
hiding from the truth
blade driven into her heart
time was coming
she needed to mend.
Suicide was not upon her mind
the night it came crashing down
all there was
a howling void
being fed
stop shrieking
stop raging
stop
stop
stop
stop
I can take it no longer.
Yes
for that is me
young
old
middle
I am all of that
and so much more.
Look into the mirror
see no longer shame
beautiful woman
you have grown.
Entwine
image old and new
behold
glorious woman
you are renewed.
I saw a young woman
she stood beneath the falls
washing away perceived sins.
Pushing back
long golden locks
I realized it was me.
Forgiveness is a place
deep deep inside
that is where to heal begins.
I grow
I love
I desire
a new life for me
one where I am strong.
©Oct. 5/19
Picture via Pinterest

Risen Anew

Under autumn’s foliage
crimson reds
charcoal oranges
browns crushed to gold.
Crisp air
frost covered grass
shattered glass
crinkles beneath my feet.
Breath comes out
vapour in the air
simple chill
the type that stings
when one first stirs.
Apple pink cheeks
scented lips on mine
taste the last golden rays of summer
peaks of time
send me up
send me down
now though I know the difference.
Grim tidings
autumn use to bring
sullen days
grey clouds
simmering overhead.
I felt broken down
battered
lifting my head
a chore that seemed insurmountable.
Time clicked by
snail’s pace
crushed beneath a burden of blackness
crawl I did
through day and night
knees blooded
hands scraped
I no longer cared.
Here I lay
so my epithet began
soul shattered
life lost
wait no
I do not want to go.
Surge of fire.
Rage.
No more shall I be this puppet
danced upon the strings of the past
time has come
let go.
Rising
strength from head to toe
phoenixed ash
glory a robe I wear
for I am woman
for I am finally myself
listen to my voice roar.
©Sept. 22/19
Picture via Pinterest

Reality

These emotions
the ones that you see me feel?
Emotions that have wrapped me
(pain)
kept me in chains
I will break free.
No longer bound
the links that have held
weaken
the more I pull
the more I can feel.
(hope)
My past is not my definition.
My future remains unwritten.
I have my today.
How I act
how I react
how I feel about situations
that is what will define me.
I can disagree.
I can fume.
I can rage.
Or 
I can let it pass
let it go
be me.
I will no longer bow.
I will no longer fear.
(Memories are only that
memories)
Not my truth.
Not my reality.
 
©July 7/19
Picture via Pinterest

Tempest Howls

Left in the wind
howling
full moon
calling blood to surface
bringing me to my knees.
Tempest
storm unacknowledged
swimming against the tide
fighting
desperate
I will make it back
crawl upon the shore
gaze up in weariness at the stars on high.
Count my blessings
there are none
only a cold darkness
that condemns.
Curled in a ball
curled in on my soul
desperate to make myself feel
desperate to make myself forget
contradiction
this I know
but you know not
see not
the rotting damage within.
See not
the reel of film
on autoplay
over and over
ravaging of my being
my heart
broken when so little.
No one cares
no one attempted to shelter
I have been alone
alone
always I shall be.
Pain
would that you could feel
sharp
blinding
no one can save
I am dying
care to acknowledge your part
your destination in this plot?
I thought not
Father wolf shall come
ready to rip out your throat.
Sit upon your chest
muzzle soaked through
gentle lick of the cheek
salted tears gone
head upon his fur
steady heartbeat
he is my protector
he is my……
Fuck you.
 
March 28/19
Image by GimpWorkshop from Pixabay

Keeper

Silver chimes
tolling
ringing
lost
muffled within scored heart.
My lip
curls in disgust
I never believed
you would do this
to us.
Mockery made
of vows
of respect
of tenderness.
I fetch
vomiting blackness
my soul evading
talons of sin
even as the devils scream
frustrated
they cannot get in.
Cavernous
hell fire
rings of sin
watched over by myself
minions
glory bleeds.
Given that special sanction
Satan’s most hated
given to me
for my disgust
my hatred
my rage
make me the worst of jail keepers.
Chained
splayed for flaying
molesters
monsters
destroyers
all fall beneath my whip.
Baby you are a bitch.
Warned you I did
told you
I was my father’s child
suicide
death
murder
I am the keeper
of all these sick desires.
 
March 28/19
Image by Jonny Lindner from Pixabay

Today’s Reality

Time spools
moving forward to the unknown
blurring the past
memories
heartaches.
One never knows what the future will bring
we only know what the past has held
the fears
the joys
the history
of mankind
of ourselves.
Lost in a wellspring of time
wrapped in the chains of the past
writhing to escape
wanting to be free for the future
wanting to be able to look forward to
a time
where there is no strife
no war
no abuse
no killings
no hate mongers
railing at the populace.
Today
the world is falling backwards
a reversal
a loss of integrity
morals
of feeling that all are interconnected.
What abounds now…….
mass murderers ruling countries
frauds
liars
misogynistic imperialism
believing one knows better than weaker sex.
Stand tall
break free
bring them to their knees.
Until prejudice
entitled mentalities are destroyed
forever more
we shall continue to fall
back to the stone age.
March 6/19
Photo by Hasan Almasi on Unsplash