Help?

Can you help me?
I need to excise these feelings.
I need to eradicate this love.
I need to eliminate my heart
will you show me how?
Like ‘Insensitive’
that song keeps playing in my mind
I wonder was I to pass the time?
Many a morning
an evening too
I watched you grow smaller
in the rear view.
Had I known
the last time there
would be my last
I would have savored the moment more
those few precious seconds
I was wrapped in your arms.
Ties that bind
shaking my head
to clear
memories I still hold dear
remembrances of your scent
the heavy feel of your arm pulling me close
as my head rested
listening to your heartbeat.
That steady thrum
helped me to sleep
many a night
when monsters tortured my dreams.
Now alone
the monsters are free to roam
there is no protector
no white knight
saving me
with a vicious uppercut
and double edged sword.
Please…..
fight for me
slay dragons for me
keep me safe
why do we run
when really we both need to be?
Speak clear
tell me true
should I get over you?
I cannot.
I know….
I know that I am building a fantasy
but
never have you told me not to.
All I want to know
all I need to know
is…….
do you love me still?
 
January 17/19
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Untitled Poem Daily Word #14

I am not even sure what to say.
I do not want to feel this way.
Believe me I am not trying to lay more on your plate
I honestly just need you to understand.
Love
trust
I believed in you
I wanted you
want you
when you told me you loved me
I wonder
did you mean true?
I cannot let the images go
tears
a constant pressure behind my eyes
all I want
is to be back in your arms.
Oh my god
I cannot stop
I cry every night
because I miss you so
whether or not you miss me
I still do not know.
At first I thought it was an obsession
but it is not
for images of you strike me
memories of us
lay me bare
I am sorry
I love you so
forgive me please
I am trying to let you go.
I do not want to.
I know I have to.
This intricate dance we do
one step forward
three back
is a seduction of the mind
of the senses.
Do you know
how little it would take
on your behalf
to make me stay?
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you……
I will miss you until the end.
January 16/19

Untitled Poem Daily Word #13

Let me lay
in your arms
one more time
before we say good-bye….
I promise
I won’t cry.
I long for you.
I compare others to you.
I am just a fool.
I watch the crowd pass before me
eyes searching
for the one who is not there.
I listen to the traffic outside my window
wishing it was you I could hear.
I know
(shoulder shrug)
you do not want me…..
damn maybe you do…..
we do not know
how to restart again.
There is no plan
no design
I would like to know
is there a possibility?
I suppose
if you did
(have a plan)
you would reach out
on bended knee
begging me please
not to walk away from you.
Alas
this fantasy I see
this love that I feel
is it the same for you?
I am so sorry.
I cry.
I shudder
sobs tearing through me.
I am on my knees
making you uncomfortable
because…..
I make you feel.
I make you miss
the love we shared.
Time….. 
slow moving
fast moving
ebbing away. 
I need to know
so I can finally let go
if it is never meant to be.
January 15/19

Ignore

Dreams of you……
I rose with tears in my eyes
pillow soaked 
for images I was sure I had buried
are raging through my head.
I want to be so angry.
I want to scream
rail
storm
revile you to all I know
but I cannot.
I want to hide.
Memories
strong 
good
us together
dance passed.
Cowering behind the door
hiding from the monsters of our past
I cannot go on.
I cannot….. 
I cannot…..
I cannot…..
Summer’s sweet blush
a love once true
that could have been us.
Heart wrecked
shredded 
torn
destroyed 
in one callous act.
Today I wish I could say goodbye.
Instead 
a physical ache
grips my body tight
wracking me
shattering my bones
while I scream at the night.
Everyone wonders
why I cannot let go
why I still love you so.
How do I explain
that you relit the passion
that had been missing from my life?
I miss your arms.
I have forgotten the taste of your lips.
When next you see me
gaze upon me fondly
quietly ignoring the tears.
January 14/19
Photo by Meghan Holmes on Unsplash

Devil’s Own

I dream.
I watch.
I feed upon pain
rage
anguish
bloated with sin.
Tell me true
what fucking game
do you play?
Images unseen
lids sealed
I pretend
incensed
feeding upon….
waste
upon…..
envy
upon…..
fear.
Honey
watch me make you  burn.
Images
dancing beneath lids
crackling fire
backdrop for stars
cold
empty.
Espy
I will wave hello
watching
flames consuming
demons crunching on your soul.
Oooops…..
did I forget to tell?
Embraced as hell’s own
guess what baby
now you have to pay what is due.
You never knew.
You warned me.
I……
well honey
I warned you too
that hell would make you pay….
should you….
fuck with the devil’s own.
You thought
I was another mouthpiece
hot air
speaking without authority…..
Oh baby
did you think I was foolin?
I warned you true
fuck with me
hell will want you.
Sitting upon my granite throne
watching you dance
amongst the flames.
Exquisite revenge
petty feelings
swirl through
as you writhe in pain.
Justified?
Only time will tell.
 
January 13/18
Photo by Mohammad Metri on Unsplash

Eenie Meanie

Vibrant colors fading
grey
death arising
marking its territory
with subtle signs
unnoticed
until it is too late.
I stumble along
my Wildness gone
my wee beasties cower at my side
whimpering
whining
shaking with fear of something unseen.
Thorns reach out
representing Danger
for should they pierce the skin
I will forever be Lost
down the Rabbit’s Hole.
I came to a fork in the road
no sign
splinters of wood
scattered around
prove a sign did once exist.
Eenie Meanie Miney Mo…..
back
forth
to determine the next leg
the next distance
that I must travel.
I was beginning to weary
the excitement
the novelty of a new land
a new place
fading
replaced instead with a burgeoning terror.
There was something alien
wrong about this place.
My fanciful thoughts of revolution
replaced with visions of death
corruption
blood stained hands before me
is my sanity slipping
or am I coming awake?
January 12/19
Photo by Filip Zrnzević on Unsplash

Wildness

Rose 
to pink
to purple
to mauve
to jade 
to emerald
to sapphire
blending to aqua
kaleidoscope of colors
bleeding along butterfly wings.
She swoops
swirls
sweeps
flitting in meadows
green 
grey
dead.
Poisoned air
scented with 
sweet floral notes
of the belladonna plant.
Hovering……
waiting…..
I pick my way below
following my guardian
my guide
she leads me true.
To where?
I do not know.
To accomplish what?
That is still a mystery
Appearing as I was denounced.
Vilified.
So Lost
down the Rabbit’s Hole
Skritching noises 
as she communicates
while on their harness
my wee beasties wail.
They snap and snarl
whining their wants
as she flies ahead
leading us further into this wild land.
 
January 11/19