Untitled Word of the Day Poem #19

Have not slept a night through
there is an empty space
in my bed
where once you lay
always willing to pull me close
to kiss my brow
assure me all was right.
Dreams splintered
demons raging
monsters crashing in.
Curled in a corner
blankets over my head
repeating
only a dream 
only a dream
in hopes that they will go.
So smitten was I
with you
monster banishing
demon slaying
god like man.
I was on my knees before you
honoring you with prayers.
Wisp of smoke
fading in the air
locked in denial
screaming in rage
please come back
so I can gouge your eyes out.
Feb. 14/19
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Untitled Word of the Day Poem #18

***I am in no way feeling this way. It is based on remembrance of last year’s depression time.***
Feelings of weariness
Sunk deep in the grey mimosa
My lips are moving
Though I cannot hear a sound. 
Crackles
Flames formed at my feet
Tenacious
Claws sink deep
Clown’s mask
Hides the bitter smile
Puffy eyes
Vacancy unable to hide
That is not me
The me hidden within
Sore
Bruised
Battered
Scorched cheeks
I fall to my knees
Head hung low
Wishing for death’s peace. 
 
Feb. 13/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #6

I realized
standing at the kitchen sink
hands steeped in water
I have not dealt with
the pain you caused.
Drinking too much
I have hidden
drowned
my sorrows
so I did not look it in the face.
Sight blurred
tears dripping from my chin
I felt pain.
howl ripped deep
shattering me
staggering to my knees.
I lay sobbing
memory after memory
rushing
streaming
flying
from heart to mind
too many to categorize.
Crawling to the bedroom
pulling myself into bed
I pull your pillow close
wrapping myself around
inhaling your scent
feeling summer heat on my skin.
Alcohol infused soul
hidding
hidden
hid
behind blackened void
where once my heart was.
Prayers never worked
yet I mutter your name
over and over
rosary beads through my hand.
Slices
carmine lips
shattered smile stitched across my face.
Eyes blooded
removed
no need to see
fact
I will always come back to you.
Feb. 12/19

Broken Hope

***Please note this is not how I am feeling at this time.***
I am broken.
Fragile heart
listless soul
lost 
broken
destroyed.
I am broken.
Tears
crystal shatters
falling at my feet
no longer does it pain me
for there is nothing
a black void
where once there was hope.
I am broken.
Cold I have become
realizing there is no love
not a shred to be found
within this being.
I am broken.
Survivor
a past so bleak
so brutal
that I hide from it
only forward will I go.
I am broken.
Gathering
tethering
some semblance
of reality.
I am broken
but know
I should never give up hope.
February 12/19

Voices Raised

You yell
you scream
you make me feel
like all is my fault
but really?
Let me ask
you fucked her
not me
how am I the one at fault?
You know you did me wrong
you wrecked my soul
my heart.
You promised me
that you loved me
would do anything for me
but you also swore
this would not happen
you would not fall.
Babe all I can say
I don’t know if I love you
the pain I feel
has more to do with respect
with broken trust
than actual love.
Not a  woman
just a child
you as well
come calling when you get tired 
of dirt
of hovels
of paper plates.
I will pick up the pieces.
You will come crawling
I ain’t stupid man.
I know what this game is.
Go ahead
watch me step back
hey babe
whose life means more?
Tongue tied
I know what is done
she ruined our fun
you don’t care
I am sorry to say
she will fuck you 
in the end.
(and she did)
Feb. 11/19

Untitled Poem Word of the Day #17

I clung to those memories
hoarding
pawing 
breathing fire on
like a dragon 
in its den.
I never thought to go forward
I only stayed in the past
where memories
should be looked upon
fondly
kindly
sweetly
not with a singular obsession
like I had.
Driven
unable to release you
unable to release the dream
finally
I realized
I was only hurting myself.
How I found the strength
to finally let you go
release my heart
come back to me
I will never know.
I bow my head
in reverence
for the love we did share.
I must let go
for the sake of my sanity.
Good bye. 
 
Feb. 8/19