Illusion

Seen from afar
her golden strength
almost unbearable.
No wrong can she do.
No task she cannot complete.
Trying to right the wrongs of the world
striving to hide her weaknesses.
Never realizing 
what that anger 
that pain
ignored would do.
Crumpled in a ball on the floor
tears ceaselessly fall.
No one to comfort her.
No one to hold her tight
assuring her
it will be alright.
Instead
they turn away
perturbed by the sight.
Try as she might
the mask she wears 
crumbles all at once.
Pain so exquisite
it pierces her heart
her soul.
Trembling
alone
cracked image in the mirror.
This is a woman imploding.
One who can no longer play the game.
Lying on the floor
all cares
all worries gone.
Crimson river flowing.
The pain felt slowly
sweetly
fading away
until she is numb.
Death is not an option.
No succor for the damned.
He appears.
Promises all shall be well
then drags her down
to the depths of hell.
©July 17/19
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Word of the Day Challenge #42-Untitled Poem

***Please note that this poem is not indicative of how I am feeling today. I am in an extremely good place in life.***

Hush little baby
Don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna……
Mama’s gone.
No one left save me.
Voices howl in my head
concentrated 
telling me 
how useless
unloved
unwanted I am.
Hush little lady
Don’t say a word
Papa’s gonna…..
Dead as dust. 
Forgotten.
Blighted stain on family name.
Slew the dragon I did
with his death.
Hush little woman
Don’t say a word
Here’s a man
come to…..
There is no man
come to care for me.
Placating the demons
galloping
hooting 
screaming
tentacles entwined
heart ashatter
mind broken.
Hush hush…..
Forgotten innocence.
Sweet sister
Demon lover
don’t make a mess.
Keep your thoughts.
Keep your reality.
I will forge mine own.
subdued 
monsters sleep
a conscious moment for me.
©July 16/19
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Word of the Day Challenge #41-Untitled Poem

I stood before you
heart in my hand
asking for intimacy.
I stood before you
tears on my cheeks
needing to be held.
I stood before you
head bowed
unable to look into your eyes
dreading to ask for more.
I stood before you 
and you threw me down.
I wanted to be held
to be caressed
to feel your breath on my neck.
I wanted your hands
to roam my body with tenderness.
I needed your strength
to hold the demons at bay.
I wanted you
all you did was take.
You said that you loved me.
You said that you understood.
You said that you would always be there.
My knight in shining armour does not exist
rowdy demons I must slay alone…..
as they pierce
as they scream
as they gouge deep within.
I needed to be held 
while my heart bled.
I needed you to hear 
my tortured fears.
I needed for you 
to be there for me
instead 
you walked away.
©July 15/19
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Assassin Of…..

I try
I cry
I reach out
helpless to stop
paralyzed with fear
chains of your amusement
tighten with each step
every attempt to flee.
Your voice
velvet wrapped steel
caresses
removes
seduces
my better senses
stripping me
morals
values
steeping me in black sin
corrupted
I have become.
Hang my head in shame
I have given up
I have fallen…..
on my knees
supplication
reptilian tongue
slicing the air next to me.
Slithering through the shadows
unable to encroach
manipulating from the darkness
until all in the light have fallen.
silent blade through my heart
baritone chuckles
penetrating
acid eating
there is no more
for I am……
consumed within
fires of hell
succubus I have become.
Heart has hardened
blackened through
with a single touch
I will soul kill you.
©July 5/19
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Nevermore

Feet blistered
bleeding
pushing forward
to where…..
for what…..
I do not know.
Embracing the pain
relishing
rending
emotions
I want them not
I want nothing more
than to come to an end.
Not in death
not in suicide
memories
tainted with your touch
damage you have done
I want to rake your eyes
tear out your heart
your lying tongue.
Imprinted
a duckling on its parent
you
me
snarls fill the air.
I will not let you return from the dead.
I will not let you tear from me
hard won peace
acceptance 
self-love.
Vicious volley
words on the tongue
tear like bullets
through malignant shade
shredding spirit.
Tears
heavy
voices screaming in my head.
Allow me to reiterate
in case your specter cannot understand
You will not win…..
I am stronger.
I am braver.
I am no longer a child.
Blade driven
skewered black heart
your death
glee in myself
my strength
haunt me nevermore.
©July 3/19
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Healing Self

Carving a path
eking out a space
a place
that I can call my own
where I can sing my songs
where I can dance with abandon
where I can finally be me.
Cowering within
so long
never a moment’s peace
little girl wailing
screaming
where no one can hear
except for me.
Hungry
wanting to consume the pain
agony
torturous
writhing on the floor
desperate to escape the chains binding.
Voices rise up
pointing their fingers
reading me their wants
their desires
which
should they be at cross purpose to my own
shall be placed first.
Desperate to escape
using any measure found
alcohol
drugs
knife held to my veins
needing to let the venom out.
You found me
struggling
alone
on that street corner
the one between Hell and Hope.
I found safety.
You nurtured me.
You fed me.
You healed the physical
yet are unable to breach the walls
of my mental psyche.
Walls built
tough to tear down
never do I let others in.
You…..
you have found a way in
you have found a way to peace
you have given me my wants
my needs.
You have taught me how to heal myself
never shall I forget this.
 
©June 22/19
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Dearly Behated

Dearly beloved
we have all gathered here today…..
Oh wait
you did not gather?
How then do you come to be here?
Smart.
Yes
you thought you were so smart
none would realize
seduction of the mother
grooming of the daughter
slaughter of their souls.
Snake in the grass
fatal venom
(not poisonous)
a slow black death
consuming one
draining one
devouring beauty
radiance
perverting
sweet innocence.
Ah yes
called you I did 
fool that you were
you came
running as it were.
Each friend
scored
seared
ate away a small part of me
self worth
belief of self
me……
Love came to me
bottled
rolled
snorted
how else to escape the howling demons
seated
place of prominence
forefront of all thoughts
pernicious bastards
devouring my heart.
Sit you down
clamp down on your tongue
screaming is not allowed 
watch watch watch
the knife is waiting
make a sound.
The first time you sold (soiled) me
beaten before and after
made to deal
with heartache
with screaming agony
with piercing horror
became the cobblestone
laid upon the grid of guilt
of a pathway leading us to here
the ultimate….
All roads end here
upon the crossroads of choice
where now you shall face
you shall bear
demons of hate
feasting upon your fear
your pain.
Dearly beloved
gather here we did 
not for beauty 
not for love
for resolution
of a burning of rage.
©June 18/19
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