Word of the Day Challenge #82-Untitled Poem

Undulating
sinuous writhing
move around
without touching his body.
Feel the heat rise
sense the lust
grim smile upon my lips
if only he knew
if only he listened
he would not be here.
They come
all shapes
all sizes
stories different
yet always the same.
Abuse
theft
life of poverty
life of pain
life lived
over and over again.
So easy to lure
to find evidence.
Given a warning
anonymous
go away
change the behaviour
or you will die.
Laughed off as a joke
shrugged off as a prank
none of them listened
I will be frank…..
I live for those moments
when blood first wells
tang of copper in the air
smile upon my lips
flip of the wrist…..
flit around
gazelle like
stab in
slash out
criss cross
drop dead
how I feed my hatred.
©Jan. 14/20
Picture via Pinterest

Good Bye Baby

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Screaming. In my head. My voice.
How the fuck could I have done this? I have no recollection. Suddenly people were screaming at me to stop and the baby was missing…..I only had a couple oh my god what have I done?
They are going to take her from me. I know it. I did not mean to do it. I put down the car seat put the beer on the backseat heard something turned away and……oh my god how could I have forgotten that I  had put her down on the pavement. Tears fill my eyes. How am I going to live with myself? I nearly please let it only be nearly killed my beautiful baby girl. Fuck……
They think that I don’t see I don’t hear them whispering. Cunt mother drunk drugged up forgot her baby girl was in the car seat behind her vehicle. Thank goodness the stupid bitch was so hammered she didn’t hurt the baby at all. Voices ripping into me. Eyes slashing daggers pull into myself there will never be enough rage throughout the world scourging me as I scourge myself. Rub raw bleeding wounds oh god I cannot believe that I have done this.
Don’t take her from me please. Wrists now bound. Screams baby wanting her mother I try so hard to be good but it is not easy. They all know I am going to fail they tell me so. Maybe it is better this way……
Time to say good bye. Heart breaking watch parents carry her away at least family will have her I will not be a total stranger papers in front of me signed. Lean head back tears slip slowly from lidded eyes pain so intense I feel nothing.
Late last evening the body of 29 year old Laverna Moore was found in the back of Shamrock’s Bar. Police have given a preliminary cause of death as accidental overdose. Most of our viewers will remember Laverna from last month when she nearly drove over her daughter while high……In other news……
Jan. 12/20
Picture via Pinterest

Devil’s Bride

I am on fire
my own hell on earth
flames lick at the corner of my soul
and I know
the Devil awaits.
I tried so hard to be a good girl
the way I had been taught
how to pleasure men
while keeping my mouth shut.
I was sent in
listen and learn I was told
report back to me when you are done.
I loathed the man who called himself my father
he was no creator
no progenitor
that I would claim as mine.
Dressed as a whore
face made up with paint
alcohol to numb the pain
but only a little
because I had to hear and repeat.
All that was said
all that was seen.
Time passed
I hardened
becoming this vicious creature
frothing with quiet rage
desperation born of no one’s care.
My first victim?
Can you call the man who sold me
who beat me
who plyed my body as trade
a victim?
The next few
well they were a revenge
for having used me as a child.
The raping of my soul
black
lurid
hatred filled
left me a brittle husk
stronger than most
for I could pretend.
I see his shape rising
smell the brimstone and smoke
the heat of the flames 
sear my body 
yet I felt nothing.
I am evil .
I am rage.
I am revenge in the night.
I am the nightmare
that small little girl
who is going to run amok
razing
destroying
creatured in blood
cavorting in your dreams.
Time for me to dance
tempt
tantalize
to move as a shadow
become the assassin
I was bred to be.
Forgotten is compassion.
Forgotten is love
Forgotten is all that is good….
Within me
vicious anger ready to play
I sidle up in your life
the last thing you will see
before the knife slices into your heart
is my face
my smile
your living nightmare come true.
I have become his bride
he my groom
no campaign needed
hell he made home
allowing me a special place
in the gloom
to play with little men….
getting my revenge.
©Jan. 10/19
Picture via Pinterest

Balance the Scales

Fingers grip blanket tight
squeezing eyes shut.
Whispered prayer
never answered:
maybe tonight
the monsters won’t come
please keep me safe
someone.
Dead gaze
never a smile
how could no one notice
how could they not see
the wraith walking before them?
A child
bruised
skittish
afraid of all
falling between the cracks.
Too many fingers
too many hands
too many mouths
rape a child’s soul
battered
wanting to die
indomitable will
refusing to give up
refusing to allow suicide.
Growing
becoming a woman
tables turning
hunting those who hunted
child turned avenger
all will pay.
©Jan. 8/20
Picture via Pinterest

Split Second

I wonder did you look back as you walked away? I know that you did not. I know for I stood at the living room window hidden behind the drapes. You would have seen the shadow of me peeking after you. My heart shattered. Trite I know but at my feet lay a thousand pieces. How could you leave? How could you go? I thought you loved me. I thought you cared.With wicked disregard you tore my life apart. I was a fool. Always have been you sneered at me. 
Multiple women in our bed. Vicious beating when supper was late. Lived with fear clothed in a lie of love now stripped bare. Clouds suddenly parting as I saw the vile man that you are. Mean. Little. Spittle spewing as you scream at me. Hair plucked from head standing on end cocking my head I look at you. Strange how you went from the love of my life to the object of my hatred in the blink of an eye. Scales pulled ripped off like scabs. Brutal pain spears through the heart and then a sting of stupidity a flash of hatred for my own self that I had fallen so far.
Began as a flatterer a wooer of love. Whispers in my ears of what a beautiful girl and I allowed you to fill my sight. I never noticed when my friends fell away as you became my entire being. Once alone isolated your began a campaign of terror that would last this entire time. Captive in my own home. Afraid to risk being seen going to the far side of town to shop. Hiding my face with make up and hats that did nothing to camouflage the bruises old and new. Multiple broken arms and wrists. A few head traumas. All enough to weaken me further to ensure that I would remain at your side……your very own live punching bag for when life became too much. 
I saw the light beckoning as you walked away. That is how I knew. That you never looked back as you entered death.
I gazed upon your bloody face. An expression of surprise. Eyes wide open. Caught as you roared how dare you who do you…..thunk
I have called the police.
Best put on the coffee it is going to be a long night. 

Jan. 7/20

Part One (Of What am Unsure)

She sank beneath the bubbles. Drunk on rum numbed feeling nothing. This was life. This was lie. Eyes half lidded inhaling lavender scent relaxed no one would hurt her here. It had been promised. This was a safe zone. No man could touch her without permission. Her permission. Narrowed squinting seeing which did she want to warm her bed tonight. Licking purpled lips forked tongue speak with ill intent.
They came for her in the darkness. Shadow men pulling her from her bed. Mouth sealed screams choked scratches upon their chests. Grit teeth. Pull forth from that nightmare no longer allowing any to rule her days. Her nights. Shudder sit upright nightlight shines upon the pillow bathing her with warm light. Lay back head on pillow deep breath in tears leak from sleepy eyes cold witness to damage done her him as child……
Cinnamon scented air…..hazed gaze lips ruby red place hand upon breast swear not to hurt her again so they always say. Locked in nightmares. Has no way forward. There is never a way backward. Lost cesspool bottomless drug deadened eyes helpless raggedy ann drool upon lip please whisper for freedom desperate measures howl with silent despair. Memories eclipse pain……pain deadens memories……unfaced……unwanted……
Howl at the moon. Full blood red no one can fool the riot. Lupine sleek flow with shadows stand tall against evil backdrop of stone onyx protector befouled rumored rogue silvered blade licked steel. Kneel before you my queen hear me in the depths of your angst your pleas for death overridden I serve I swear awaken. Pulled forth to now to never eyes widen with pain with success blooded knees a cross to be borne.
Jan. 4 2020

Runaway

She sat lank hair falling into her face smelling of body odor and cigarette smoke. All she wanted to do was go home. She was so tired. She wanted a shower. She wanted her life to return to her. She did not like the person inside of her. Raging black beast with fear as a companion. She watched as other social workers left and still her mom did not arrive. When finally mom did she could not look at her. Did not want to see the anger. The disappointment that surely was etched in deep lines across her mom’s pursed lips. A single tear fell a small bit of moisture she rubbed into her jeans.
When had her life become so shit? No matter how hard she tried to remember there seemed to be no defining moment. No time she could put her finger to calendar and exclaim ‘aha it was June 3 1986 at three p.m. that my life turned to shit.’ Wishful thinking. There was nothing. One day there was this sense of dread deep within. A horror. A need to not be awake. Not alive. It was becoming overwhelming. It was just so much easier to ignore the warning signs that were knocking at the door. Had been knocking for awhile.
How could she explain? How could she tell her mom the horror she found herself in. A part played and played well. Once she mentioned something but when questions arose buried her face in a book easy escape.
That sense of horror. It builds and builds exploding with vicious words. Tried to banish the darkening thoughts in her mind by writing them out. Death was her constant companion. Her constant desire. Need. However blessed or cursed with an imagination that defied her…..she had been able to imagine herself in a coffin while her mother and sister looked down at her. The abject sorrow upon their faces and whispered ‘whys?’ were enough to convince her to write out her deadly dreams. And truth be told, it hurt like a son of a bitch and pain was not something she could handle.
She watched the second hand sweep around the clock. Saw the minute hand tick off each 60 second. 15 minutes passed before her mom appeared before her. Looking up all she saw was anger. Sever disappointment etched deep lines around pursed lips. There was no love. No sympathy. Seen through the eyes of a child long feeling forgotten.
‘I do not want to do this. You have left me with no choice. As of now…..I am giving up custody of you for a year.’
Shocked all she could do was stare at her mom. This was not happening. It could not be happening. Her mom leaving her behind. Once more she had sought safety, had reached out to be rebuffed. Tears filled her grey eyes, threatening to overflow as she reached out to her mom. Voice lost in the thickness of pain…..of rejection…..of love and need.
‘Mom please. I will be good. I promise. Please don’t leave me.’
Her mom walked out the door. As it closed behind her she leaned against the wall, hand to mouth to muffle the scream of pain that was trying to erupt. Never had she felt so useless as a mother. So incapable of caring for this child of hers. Long passed the time of hugs and kisses to skinned knees. Walking away shakily this was a defining moment. Scored in pain.
Jan. 2/20