Death’s Desire

The masks I wear
Beneath a face
None see
None realize
Is yet another masque
Fear
Ruler of this domain
Laughter maniacal
Sending chills
Down my back
Birthing
Insanity
Clutching at the bars
The door lockless
Handleless
No escape
Only hell beneath my feet
It is not easy
Day after day
To play this person I am not
Assuring all
Never again will I fall
Never again will I fail
Yet knowing
There is no net beneath my feet
No current upon which to rise
Blood let
Seeps red crimson
Pain is gone
For me at least
Yours is just beginning.

I am sorry

©Feb. 19/20
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #87-Untitled Poem

This is not in any way shape or form of how I am feeling now.

Black
welling to the surface
vicious
tying me in place
fear holding me
I want to come back
I want to be me
not this wraith you see.
In my mind
a vacuum
roiling
memories
painted scarlet with terror
recalling
half remembered dreams.
Or are they dreams?
Lost
moving listlessly
path before
shrinking
smaller and smaller
head down
I cannot find the sun
I cannot find the warmth
I reach for.
deadly in its recurrence
tearing me down
to the ground
driving me to perfection
if only so I am still useful
so people will still like me.

Cyclical depression can become.
Voices…..
sounding so like your own
chiding
tearing
roaring all your wrongs.
There really is no escape.
There really is no hope.
All I can do is carry on
smile upon my lips
fear upon my heart.
See not my pain…..
See not my terror…..
see only…..
the facade I show.
©Feb. 19/20
Picture is my own

Villainess of the Night

Clip Clop
Clip Clop
horses on the trot
taken from behind
gloomy gas lit night
come play with me
hither and yon.
Nimble
dance with misted wraiths
shadows prey
hungry
blade
razor rapier
tear into your heart.
Cry
moan
beg for me
beg that I release you
to death
to anything
but the dying pain.
Butterfly strength
mask covered face
sweet mint breath
hot on the neck
flick my tongue
tasting your fear
tinged in copper blood.
Race through darkened streets
terror filled glance
back
should have stared forward
my ability to track
to move
cat like grace
so well known.
Gore dipped blade
my breath
my breast
not ragged
not rent
turn
skip
walk away
Jane the Ripper
here to play.
©Feb. 18/20
Picture via Pinterest

Haunted Darkness

Dark
twisted hallways
buried deep
seen only
when half asleep
memories
of horror
rage
pain
begin to stir
begin to stretch
grave worms clawing to the surface.
Walk in a fugue
diseased mind
any out
any way
running
never sure why
from what
only searching
seeking
escape
haunted nightmares.
Grievous pain
knife wounds
stabbed tip
over
over
over
digging hole
to feel
if only for a while.
Bruised eyes
sleep
in death
in life
monsters wait
demons
vampires
no retreat.
This is life
abused
mistrusted
alone
no friends are near
endless screams
pummel
broken skin
anything to stop feeling
anything to eradicate……
haunted memories.
©Feb. 11/20
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #85-Untitled Poem

***This poem is bleak and harsh. I am sorry but for some reason this is what kept coming to me when I thought of kidnap.****
So pretty
blonde curls
blue 
ocean deep blue
eyes
crinkling smile
she is so cute.
So handsome
hair cut short
dimpled lisp
he makes the short list.
Each one
bought
paid for with sin
eyes become vacant
smiles lost
mini adults they become.
Drugs
relief sought
dim the lights
erase the feelings
stare up at the ceiling.
In part
this is the joy
this is the reality
scare the child
as once a child was scared.
Where?
How?
Our children
kidnapped 
taken 
please bring them back.
Years
unanswered questions
parents
never giving up
hoping
believing
that one day
their child will come home.
In unmarked grave
forgotten
bones turned to dust
a madman’s game
evil’s true glint
from this
there is no return.
©Feb. 7/19
Picture is my own

To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

Silenced Forever

***I feel that I need to preface this: I do not feel like this at all any more. This is a poem that is based upon the feelings that I had back in early 2018 when I was falling apart and rebuilding myself. Although this poem was written today the emotions are not the ones felt today. I am in a beautiful space in my life. Writing. Loving Myself. Parenting. Independence. Being Me. I do not want any of my readers to worry. I am awesome.****

Thorny tears
Wept upon stone gardens
Briared heart
Woven tight
Against intruders
Fingers grip
Mouth tightens
Scream silenced
Hidden in the shadows
Let not the monsters find me
I have run
I have fled
I have finally escaped
My bleeding past
The wraiths that haunt me
Only to be found once more
Haunting voices
Whispered in my ear
Talons dig
Shearing thorns
Straight to frail heart
Mauling
Tearing
Shredding
I fall
Forever manacled
Chains of rusted iron
Rage
Anguish
Never happiness
Some days
I wish my world would end
Nightmares would fade to concrete gray
Fantasies tattered remains
Float away
Awash in nothingness
Silence
Sweet Silence
Blessed be me.
©Jan. 31/20
Picture is my own.