Unnamed Poem #1

finally.
finally i can see
what the world does
when looking at me.
i was lost
now i am found
laughter
bittersweet 
trips from tongue
drunk upon freedom
spin in circles
the sky
it is my limit.
limitless.
limitless I now be
there is nothing
not one damn thing
to stand in front of me
command my desires
free i be 
strong 
true
tigress on the hunt.
stalk the night
prey in sight
low growl
silent glide
never know I am there
until….. 
it is too late.
i am lost no longer.
i am free once more.
jagged nightmare
careful you do not awake
teeth at your throat
claw to heart
i am coming for you
death’s deadly desire.
March 17/20
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the day Challenge #93-Untitled Poem

Shattered
blood red tears
rending at clothes
at hair
at skin
gouging
nails slicing
anything to stop the pain.
I never lied about what I wanted.
I never lied about what I expected.
I never lied about what I was feeling.
I never lied at all.
What you see
is what you get
no more
no less.
This woman
standing
naked before you
baring soul
bitter past
fragile
vulnerable
patchwork quilt
scars
taped together with experience.
I knew
heart bleeding
I knew how dangerous
voices
screaming
kicked into silence
this would be.
I built an illusion.
I built a fantasy.
I built……
but one memory
how you held me
when I bared my truth
my past
like no other man has done.
©March 16/20
Picture found on Pinterest

To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #84-Untitled Poem

I sit
tears falling
blurred vision
all I can think of
is how I hurt you
how much I miss you
this throbbing ache
peering
blinded eyes
never again
together
held by you
chase the nightmares away
you became deeply entrenched
with blooded memories of my past
tangled webs
I cannot unwind
curled inward
grasping knees
piercing screams
wave after wave
venomous evil
washes over me
yawning
black pit
sucking me in
screaming
even as you held me
promising safety
protection
I know…..
I know you wished me no harm
I know you held me with love
I know…..
all you ever wanted
was to protect me true
eventually though
no one
but me
could protect me
with promise of haven
able was I
trust
held me close
chase the demons
spear them
protection
I found in your arms
only to realize
a part of the horror
the wicked dreams
forever entangled
in your love
wistful thinking
I’d be able to separate
horror from peace
in the end
I had to say good bye.
©Jan. 26/20
Picture is my own

Triumphant

Dark abyss
toes curl over the edge
vertigo
looking over
should I fall
or back away.
Depths of blackness
clothed in hair shirt
chastising self 
sins not my own
muddied tears fall
so much easier to….. 
let go.
Eyes flutter open
heart
pounding
drenched in sweat
with fear.
Time I want not to return
time where I resided
died within
withered arms of deranged lover
who beat me
whispered
perverted words of love
I believed
for I had no one.
It took a leap
into ebony fissure
flowing liquid over cracked face
riding the wind
accepting
collecting
damaged parts of myself
amalgamating
into…..
flawed beauty.
Renewal of life
light
within
reaching for dreams
soaring
I am alive again.
©Jan. 2/20
Picture is mine

New Year…..New Me…..New Decade….New Everything

I watched the sun rise
faint pink blush
golden pulses fill the sky
hues of purple
sense of serenity
sense of peace
finally here
in my happy place.
I struggled.
I abused myself.
I tried to hide.
I am not that little girl.
I am not that frightened teenager.
I am not that beaten/destroyed woman.
No longer afraid…..
of what life has to offer.
To dream.
To love.
To chase what I want.
To be me…..
Writer.
Mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
There is more to me
than these four facets…..
there is adoration
there is pride
there is determination…..
I leave behind me
a decade/life time
of pain
of anger/rage
of despair
of thoughts no longer there.
I begin this New Year
this New Decade
strong
beautiful
and solely
100 %
Me.
©Dec. 31/19
Picture is my own

Charmed Monsters

Longing
yearning
ever so tired
grey is the day
this life
this path I trod.
Where is the light?
Where is the joy?
No Eden can I find.
The past…..
Free wheeling
dealing card after card
pain
humility
hungering
feeding upon the blackness
the evil
rooted within.
My past…..
No longer allowed to define
to dictate…..
Cut away
carve away
sword
epee
skewered to the ground
demons chained
eased with dosed medication
mine to do with as I will.
These daemons
still reside within
gentle murmurs
holding pain
holding fear
now my protectors
I need no longer beware.
Sanctuary found
hellions bound
labor of love.
This me
beauty and beast
all rolled into one.
©Dec. 30/19
Picture is part of my Positivity wall