Following My Path

I scritch
I scratch
forever do I feel
I am at the bottom of an abyss
looking up
not able to climb
no matter how hard I try.
Do you see me?
Do you see beyond the outside of me?
Or is all you see……a woman?
I carry a burden.
Not a burden
for children
the caring of
the caring for
not a chore
love
days are that I want to drop the load
feel as though I am invisible
can you not see me?
My fears
rally
confronted
peering over the ledge
waiting
responsibility weighs heavily
knowing I have to raise
to teach
fearing that I will not.
I do not want
nor do I need
your pity
your sneer
I know what I have
strengths abound
I can teach
I can raise
beautiful women.
Every so often though
I am weak
I struggle
I feel the weight upon my shoulders
when I do
when I drop the ball
stare not
glare not
reach out
despite my resistance
I need you
I need your help
I need you to hold my hand.
Like thorns on a rose
prick my skin
without them
without sharp sting
I would be lost
for truth is
best part of me
still to lead.
©June 26/20
Picture via Pinterest

Yes Honey

Fear.
You gave me that.
Loathing.
You gave me that too.
Hatred.
Mistrust.
Self-destruct button.
All of these I attribute to you.
Cooing soft words
sucked me in
serpent’s tongue
flicks so good
insidious abuse below the surface.
First it was how I looked.
What to show.
What not to.
Until I was afraid to leave the house.
Next you shore me of friends.
So subtle I did not realize how alone
until I needed someone to help.
Warned I had been
no good you would be
destruction of self
murder of worth
well honey you sure the fuck did.
I struggled
finally gained strength to leave
when upon bended knee
crocodile tears did flow
begging me to stay
that you loved me true
please baby don’t go
your eyes awash.
Barbs to my soul
I gave up my life for you…..
my life…..
When I gouge the barbs free
transformation can begin…..
Wait…..
oh hell no…..
rip barbs free
no longer allowed to cling
to continue to harm
self destruction will stop now!
You have been my jailor
imprisoned within memories of your making.
I am beautiful.
I am a warrior.
I believe this truth.
I know this to be true.
Bleed from a thousand spots
barbed no more
shred time beneath my heels
square my shoulders
looking forward…..
to happiness
to life
to love
to all I deserve.
©June 25/20
Picture via Pinterest
***This poem was written for one of my soul sisters. Ya know those sisters who you meet and you just know you are family. She needs to be reminded that she is a kick ass Warrior Queen. Love you. ***