It’s Only 4 or Close your Door!

Yesterday morning was the start of my holidays.
A full day’s worth.
You would think that I would sleep in no?
3:36 a.m.
Loki is crying and comes to drape himself across my neck.
We are cuddling and I am scrolling my headlines when he tries to bite my chin.
Me: Loki stop it. We have had this conversation before. Stop biting my chin!
Of course he ignores me and licks my chin.
Bites it.
 Me: Loki do not bite my chin.
Mumble mumble mumble.
It is not Loki talking.
Me: Tember?
T: Close your door.
Me: What? (getting out of bed and putting slippers on. Turn light on and make bed)
T: Mom go back to bed it is only 4!
Me: Yeah I know but I am awake. LOL and I thought you were telling me to close my door.
T: No mom just wondering why you are awake.
Me: Why are you awake?
T: I was asleep early. Been awake since 3.
He made both pots of coffee.
Damn he makes better coffee than I do.
But I add the fixins better he tells me.
Sit down and from 4 a.m. until 8:30 we talked.
About everything.
His dad’s new friend and her daughter.
Him going to secondary school.
How his buddy wants to go into the marines.
That one was a shock.
I know the kid is only 12 but he will have to put on at least another 100 lbs or his pack will outweigh him.
We talked about politics.
U.S. politics.
At which time I did my best to explain the weird way the US decides on their president.
We decided that the next election here in Canada we are going to educate ourselves and discuss it.
We talked about changing our eating habits.
We talked about his game.
And the weapons.
And the coalitions he was making.
At one point I was only listening with half an ear.
T: says something
Me: Seduction?
T: No mom. Espionage and Sedition.
There was eye rolling as once more I misheard.
That has been a thing of mine lately.
Mishearing or misreading.
It has lead to several very funny conversations that is for sure.
A discussion about age and Chinese food lead to a conversation about the perceived docility of Asian women.
Was messaging about the riot in DC with a friend and he asked if they had broken it up yet.
I read: Have they broken up yet?
To say that I was a little confused until I went back and re-read it is an understatement.
There also have been several new developments that I can only attribute to not drinking.
By the way not to brag or anything but 183 days today.
And I now totally understand why we count by days and not by months.
By counting the days out loud you realize exactly how far you have come.
While 3 years or nigh on 1100 days both sound cool six months as opposed to 183 days does not sound quite as accomplished.
However that is neither here nor there.
Sense of smell.
I know that I have talked about this before.
I have only been able to smell certain heavy scents for the longest time.
Yet yesterday when I got out of the shower I could smell the fresh coffee T had brewed.
Through the bathroom door.
I was sitting on the couch and every so often this sweet scent would waft by and I could not place it.
Finally realized for the first time in a long time I was smelling the candle I was burning.
Again I have talked about.
How I have been having deja vu moments which I know come from dreams.
So reality based I asked one customer if she had if fact gotten engaged because in my dream she had.
Well Tues into Wed I woke from a dream.
A good dream.
And I knew I was dreaming.
I knew it was an imagination dream.
I do not recall what it was about but damn…….I was dreaming!!!!
Finally coming back.
I ate 4 meals yesterday.
French Fries.
Chicken with potatoes and carrots.
Toast again this morning.
I will definitely need to add in exercise.
I was unsuccessful yesterday in cutting down on screen time.
Between just having a lazy day and playing games on the phone and the riots in DC I was glued to the screen.
Today I plan to do better.
I am getting ready to go shopping soon.
Update: Postponed until later.
When I get home I am going to listen to radio or Spotify.
No t.v.
I do have to run into the city for 2 as I have an appt for contact fitting.
I have to go alone as T will be in class so already am feeling a tad anxious about the drive.
I can put it down to the fact that I am having difficulites seeing properly and it will change once I can see clearly again.
My eye sight is not so bad that I am going to kill anyone just blurred around the edges slightly.
Which makes me nervous.
But I am a big girl and I can still see.
Just will be able to see better.
This should really go into the Bad Mom Jokes category but I thought was a fitting end to my post.
T was arguing with me about having to take the garbage out.
His toe hurt.
He had stubbed it on his phone.
Blah blah blah.
So I topped him with the toe nail about to rip off and the fact I thought I had broken my pinkie and it healed wrong.
There is bone sticking out.
Should maybe get that checked out.
Me: And I almost cut my toe off. Well not off but stabbed it.
T: Mom how did you do that.
Me: It slipped through the gap.
T: Why would you have it that way?
Me: It was just the way it was. But I saw it and I jumped back in time…..well not in time time but in time to save my toe.
Cackling at my joke as T shakes his head.
T: Mom you are not that funny.
Me: Yes I am that was funny. Back in time.
T: You know how you tell me I am not funny. Yeah well I am telling you now you are not funny.
Me (petulantly): Well other people think that I am funny.
T: Yeah well others think I am funny too.
Stale mate.
Brief comment about the profile picture.
Loki is growing in leaps and bounds.
And there is no denying I am his person.
He chirps pops up comes running over and lays down on my chest across my arm.
Than he wriggles around until he looks like that.
And purrs.
And purrs.
And wriggles.
And he kept hugging my hand when I tried to move it.
Woke up this morning to Lucky on the top of my pillow.
Thomas laying next to me in the big empty space.
Loki butts passed Lucky and flops down on my neck.
Slides around until he is sitting on my shoulder.
And bites my chin.
©Jan. 7/21
Picture is mine


997 days.
160 days.
These are numbers I am very proud of.
997 days.
3 years and 2 days since I broke up with my pill addiction.
And I have not looked back.
I have not taken anything stronger than Motrin for pain.
For the last two week I have been in pain.
Icing shoulder.
Heating shoulder.
T has rubbed my anti-inflammatory into my shoulder.
I have used on my elbow and upper arm.
I am now down to a dull throb and twinge.
I have a very high pain threshold.
This pain though I cried a few times from it.
And the thought skipped through my mind that it was ok.
I could get the muscle relaxants and use them for pain management only.
But as soon as I thought it I chased it away.
I have come too far to take the chance.
160 days.
5 months and 10 days since I broke up with alcohol.
And much like my break up with the pills I have not looked back.
My sense of smell has begun to come back.
I can smell very strong smells but the subtle smell of coffee/baking bread at work I was not catching them.
I am now.
I know I am dreaming.
Real dreams.
Creative dreams.
I am still not remembering every night but I am dreaming.
A lot of it has triggered deja vu moments at work.
Guess I dream a lot about work.
Or am taping into some psychic ability I am completely unaware of.
If so though I am a boring psychic dreaming of day to day activities.
I have a character awakening.
For the first time in years.
When I say years I am talking about since I was a teenager.
She is skulking around in there.
Maybe not skulking……
lol she just popped out from the shadows and insists that she is skulking.
I awaken each morning early.
Without a hangover feeling like death warmed over.
There is a little extra in the bank.
Not that I can see it but my bank tracking app keeps reassuring me that I am still spending $100 less than usual.
And I can only go up from there.
I am struggling this year with my mood.
Not that I am sliding into depression but the whole year is enough to wear down even the eternal optimist.
I know that this will pass or rather our lives will evolve in such a way as to incorporate the new norms and we will move forward.
However I miss being hugged.
I miss being touched.
I miss male companionship.
There I have said it.
Now no one needs to save me or anything y’all know my feelings here.
Remember my friend called me a cat in relationship style.
One cannot fault me there.
This has been a year of growth and learning.
A year of trials and tribulations.
A year where I have been open about my struggle maintaining good mental health.
A year where I began to explore different aspects of self in life and in my writing.
A year where I have faced some facts about myself that I do not like and work to change them.
A year where…..
I am grateful to 2020 for giving me the strength to finally quit drinking.
I am grateful to 2020 for giving me more time with T and the fun we have.
I am grateful to 2020 for preparing me for the start of the teen years.
Could raising a teenager really be that much harder than surviving 2020?????
I am grateful to 2020 for being a year of introspection and inner growth.
Most of all I am grateful for everyone of you.
I have made friends/family connections within these blogs.
I cannot always read and comment as I want to but I am a silent stalker.
I can always be real without fear of scathing words thrown back at me.
I can always be me.
From My Christmas to Yours thank you all for being a part of my………..
Drum roll please…..
****Framily~Friends & Family Combined.
©Dec. 25/20
Picture is my own
I was informed I was too old to do this.
So I did it.
And took a picture to prove it.