thick black trendles
rend my soul in two.
lightening strikes my heart
as I curl inwards.
the anger, the fear,
the hatred, the crude words spoken
and thick tears run down my face,
snot from my nose.
I feel so much
I use to feel so little
using an addiction to blunt the pain.
body wracked with savage pain
fingers digging into the landscape
to center my being whole.
It is hard for me; to allow the emotions to surface
accepting, acknowledging, reveling in the pain
I am not that person, I stand on my own;
I do not need you to care.
Sobriety, so hard earned and yet tossed aside
not in a minute, a day or even a month;
but within a second.
When the reality of your life becomes too much
when the feelings, the truth is just so there, in the forefront,
that is when I duck and hide, I remove myself
because I cannot stand to feel the pain that is my history.