Ugly Cry

Pain

thick black trendles

rend my soul in two.

Pain

lightening strikes my heart

as I curl inwards.

Pain

the anger, the fear,

the hatred, the crude words spoken

and thick tears run down my face,

snot from my nose.

I feel so much

I use to feel so little

using an addiction to blunt the pain.

Ugly cry

body wracked with savage pain

fingers digging into the landscape

to center my being whole.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

August 17/17

So Hard for Me

It is hard for me; to allow the emotions to surface

accepting, acknowledging, reveling in the pain

I am not that person, I stand on my own;

I do not need you to care.

Sobriety, so hard earned and yet tossed aside

not in a minute, a day or even a month;

but within a second.

When the reality of your life becomes too much

when the feelings, the truth is just so there, in the forefront,

that is when I duck and hide, I remove myself

because I cannot stand to feel the pain that is my history.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 30/17