She says I’m Cool

Went to bed at 10:30 last night.
Unable to fall asleep.
When I awoke I could have gotten up and started my day.
Only I had been asleep for shy of 2 hours.
Got myself a snack and crawled back into bed.
2:30/3ish I woke with my arm aching.
Lucky and Loki both took a turn laying across my arm which while it eased the ache was a tad uncomfortable.
Then I started to feel warm so  I kicked off the covers and discovered that Thomas had landed on the bed too.
Unable to get comfortable I decided that the better option was to get up.
My arm ached after the Pfizer poke so this was not unexpected.
What is unexpected is this little bout of not sleeping.
I was told to expect chills/vomiting/flu like symptoms etc but nothing about not being able to sleep.
If my arm and inability to sleep is all I am going to go through I would be able to handle it.
Right after writing that last sentence the sneezing and feeling chilled began but it is Sunday and I can spend my day on the couch.
Having my coffee which adds in a kick of warmth.
Am sitting watching The Serpent on Netflix.
So far it is interesting.
Takes place in the late ’70’s in Bangkok.
Not sure if you would term this guy as a serial killer or more of an opportunist.
Gems.
Drugs.
Missing men and women.
Give it a look if that type of thing interests you.
Last night the ex was messaging me.
He finally responded to a question I had asked a few days ago.
Told me he was having a midlife crisis.
I told him there is no such thing as a midlife crisis.
That is just bullshit people tell themselves and others to justify their behaviour and actions.
It is like giving a pass to a teenager and letting them run rampant.
Only we would ground a teen and/or smack them upside the head for acting an ass.
I have a year to go before I hit my midlife point.
That is if I live until I am 100.
I do not feel like I am turning 50.
Was talking with one of my co-workers about my grandma and how she had passed when T was
2 1/2 and she remarked how sad that was.
That she would not know what to do if her grandma passed.
I had to remind her once more that we are not the same age.
That I am almost 30 years older than her.
To which she responded:
Jay you don’t act like you are old. I always forget that you are not the same age as me.
You are cool not old.
I smiled.
At least someone thinks that I am cool.
I know T doesn’t right now and will not for at least the next 5.
But that is okay because I am not suppose to be cool for him just his friends and everyone else.
©June 20/21
Picture is my own

New Definition of Ages

I have finally entered adulthood. You laugh but truth is……I do not think that we have the right of it regarding age.
I am beginning to believe this:
0-20 we are children. Inclined to doing what we want. Not really grasping the concept of repercussions. Finding ourselves. Children.
20-40/45 we are teenagers. Rash. Looking for our place in the world. Experimenting. Spreading our wings and living our lives but still with a foothold in the familial home.
45+ we are adults. Responsible. Grouchy. Rolling our eyes at the fallacy of youth. Paying our bills on time. Comfortable within ourselves. Knowing what it is that we want. Not willing to settle for less. Accepting. Our sense of selves solidifies.
I had a special delivery today.
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My very first vacuum.
Not like my first first but the first that I have purchased for myself.
Much like the non-stick Good Cook pan I purchased recently.
I ordered the vacuum a Bissell off of Amazon on Sunday. It shipped Monday. Received……today.
I put it together and took it for a test spin. OMG but I am in love. It sucks so well. I vacuumed yesterday and yet dirt……
Never use to make my bed.
Decided that I needed to do so.
Every day…..even if I did not feel like doing it….I did.
I am proud to say that I now make my bed daily.
Sometimes it is not immediately but it gets made.
Mom I know you are smiling at this.
I am more serene.
More okay with things.
I find that I am looking at things differently.
I find that I am most grateful. For my job. For my son. For my ability to care for both of us.
I am happy. Like all the time.
That in and of its self is something I am still getting use to.
No longer do I see only the negative. No longer do I use negative language. I realize I once was a miserable woman. Well teenager…..which makes sense no? Angst and all? And zits. Who still has zits at 40? A teenager that is who.
I am happy.
Which I believe is what we all want adulthood to be.
We want to be content with the lives that we are living.
With the choices that we are making.
Before I had this epiphany I thought that there was something wrong with me.
That it had taken me so long to catch up with my peers and adulthood.
Than this thought came to me and well…….it totally changed how I viewed things.
Based upon my new definition of age I am only 22…..about to be 23……how about you?
48 never looked so good now that I understand the true aging system.
May 7/20
Picture is my own