There is No God

You offer prayers?
You suggest that god’s plan is unknown.
I want to rip your words from your lips.
I want you to feel;
Raw
gaping wound
once where my heart lay
now only dust
murderous rage
and hatred.
You offer prayers?
You think those will succor me
night after cold night
when I hear my child call to me?
Voices upon the breeze
whispers of pain cooed in my ear
yet when I turn to look
my child is gone
nevermore to be seen.
You offer me prayers?
You try to wrap your arms around me
I shudder in disgust.
You think your weak platitudes
spouted like the holy bible
are comforting?
Your false idol’s words fall upon deaf ears.
I no longer believe…..
Your prayers.
Your god.
Your anything.
You lie.
And you sir.
And you.
Hang your head in shame.
These deaths?
They fall upon you.
©May 29/22
Picture is my own

No News is Good News

On Thursday, first thing, I had a wee bit of a melt down.
Now granted, in part it was because they forgot to pay me 6 hours of holiday time which made a noticeable difference in my paycheque.
It was such a simple fix and the money was in my account by yesterday afternoon.
However it spiralled out from there.
M called me and listened to me rant and rave.
Cry.
Howl. (a little not in anyway discernable save for to me)
And it hit me.
I was sucking up too much of the negative.
Too much of the fear and anger that surrounds us.
It is a life force in and of itself and I was touching upon it without realizing what I was doing.
I am an empath.
I do not know how to control it.
I do not even know much about it other than I pick up on strong emotions and absorb how a person is feeling.
I siphon off a little of their panic/fear/pain/anger to help them.
Again no idea how.
I believe that given how much I have been reading about the convoy, how passionate I am about the injustices I am seeing before me, it makes sense that I am picking up on this overwhelming sense of righteousness and anger without meaning to.
It has drained me.
Made me jumpy.
A little more prone to anger.
It was during my conversation with M that I realized this.
A decision was made.
No news day.
Nothing.
Was not even going to talk about it.
Put the word out.
And it worked.
Maybe too the incident on Wednesday morning had bothered me a lot more than I realized at the time.
I woke up yesterday morning feeling really good.
I felt refreshed.
I was full of energy.
T did not like my ‘Lucky Ducky’ song that I was singing to him because school was again cancelled so he gets a 4 day weekend.
Monday is a holiday.
I felt so good that I decided to extend my no news day by one more day.
I woke up at 5 this morning.
Again I felt really good.
Still do.
I scrolled the headlines.
I did not click.
Not on the ones that are full of anger.
Not on the ones that show the full idiocy on display.
I clicked on fluff pieces.
And one other piece but I need to percolate on it as I want to write about it.
Wednesday evening T and me spent an hour sitting on the couch, talking and laughing.
We were at either end facing one another.
I was telling him the story about when I stretched my jaw and heard something tear.
He thought I pulled a muscled given that it was sore for a few days after.
Poor lad inherited my small mouth.
The dentist finds it very hard to work in either of our mouths given that we cannot open as wide as they would like us to.
That is neither here nor there but it lead to T thinking that maybe that that is what we had to do to get our mouths to open wider, pull the muscle.
In perfect harmony we both opened our mouths in the exact same shape to see if we could open them any wider.
We laughed until tears fell.
©Feb. 19/22
***That picture is 2 years old. We need to update it.
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