Ebony Voiced

Grey shadowed fingers
reaching
twisting
plundering
stealing from mind
command of speech
suspend belief
compromised.
Into me 
they do reach.
Tears
unbidden
shuddering shoulders
stay away
creature of the night
become twisted
haunted eyes
seeing
past
present
future
bleak
wraith like
misted move.
Scuttling
head down
eyes gouged
blind
from arrogance
hatred
negligence
black ribbon chains
stealing my sanity.
My heart shrinks
wrapped in on self
no longer light
no longer buoyant
shackled
pain laden
dragged to the bottom of the rock.
I see no rescue
I see no saviour
I see…..
black nothingness
a future
the gods have allowed me to see.
©April 2/20
Picture via Pinterest

Blinders

Stood upon the bridge
family at one end
life at the other
what do I do
burn
or run for it.
No one thought I would do it
crazy
angry
needing to make them pay
I lit the match
threw it over my shoulder
walking away
as that bridge burned.
No longer will I be the weak one
no longer will I play
this game that you devised
when I was just a child
warping me in so many ways.
Gotta admit
you never knew
blinders you wore
making you blinkered.
To this day
you refuse to see
you refuse to acknowledge
despite the evidence
despite the words
I should let it be.
Too long did I repress this
too long did I hide
drugged
sedated
hiding
why?
So I did not hurt the two of you.
My strength is not yours.
I will not be the strong man
take umbrage
hide your face in fear
just know
I no longer care.
I finally faced my purgatory.
I finally faced my fear.
Walking through the fires of hell
coming out the other side.
Unblemished.
Unburned.
Complete.
Oct. 17/18
Photo by Michael Held on Unsplash

Futility

Leaning against the wall
breath coming in gasps
eyes darting around
knowing that soon
I will have to run again.
‘It is futile to run’
the voice hisses in my ear
as startled
I dash off again.
‘Round and round
an endless maze
all while the voice crawls closer.
Oozing
black shadows
piercing through the gloom
no matter where I hide
no matter how hard I run
they are still there
voices
shadows
insanity.
Wallls built of my memories
move ever closer
confining me
jailing me
no way for my escape.
I scream in terror
I scream in rage
sick of this torment
I want it all to end.
Sept. 6/18

 

Photo by Andrei Lazarev on Unsplash

Strangled

Strangled by the threads of expectation

pushed on one’s self 

until they are choking

unable to articulate their screams,

because today nobody cares.

Pushed into the rubber room,

walls plush with velvet padding

tormented screams rent the air

as demons play games.

Games of love, 

only to be shown that love is not for them.

Games of torture,

voices grinding in their ears

until they can take it no more.

Strangled by the threads of expectation

unable to bear 

this less than perfect image.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

December 31/17

Within

Caught within Winter’s fevered embrace,
a desire to be numbed,
to feel no pain.
Marching forward,
tears frozen to my cheeks
eyes blinded to the warmth
as I traverse the plains of snow.
Within,
I chain my beating heart
desperate to rip free
the sorrow and anguish
that this rage and torment fuel.
Locked in my mind
looping over and over
are tapes of my youth
the silent jeers and taunts
that I have swallowed,
ignored,
ingested,
made into a part of me.
Within Winter’s frozen embrace
I find my madness so clean
so easy to comprehend.
For within Winter’s dying embrace
I give up my denial,
my fight,
and I allow the sun to penetrate.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
December 27/17

Love gone awry

Sometimes I go a little crazy
a wee bit mad
making all my castles
with quicksand.
Sometimes I dance little jigs
and you cannot see
where once there was harmony
now we have strife.
Angry words disposed to bite
left me nothing to do
but cry bitter tears
and feel ashes in my mouth.
I have loved you
and hated you.
I have cursed your name
for the damaged touch
while you played your game.
Living beneath a cloud of darkness
wrapped in a shroud of pain
I yearn for the bright sunlight
yet walk alone trapped in anguish
unable to break away.
©Jay-Lyn Doerksen
September 12/17