Blinders

Stood upon the bridge
family at one end
life at the other
what do I do
burn
or run for it.
No one thought I would do it
crazy
angry
needing to make them pay
I lit the match
threw it over my shoulder
walking away
as that bridge burned.
No longer will I be the weak one
no longer will I play
this game that you devised
when I was just a child
warping me in so many ways.
Gotta admit
you never knew
blinders you wore
making you blinkered.
To this day
you refuse to see
you refuse to acknowledge
despite the evidence
despite the words
I should let it be.
Too long did I repress this
too long did I hide
drugged
sedated
hiding
why?
So I did not hurt the two of you.
My strength is not yours.
I will not be the strong man
take umbrage
hide your face in fear
just know
I no longer care.
I finally faced my purgatory.
I finally faced my fear.
Walking through the fires of hell
coming out the other side.
Unblemished.
Unburned.
Complete.
Oct. 17/18
Photo by Michael Held on Unsplash

Futility

Leaning against the wall
breath coming in gasps
eyes darting around
knowing that soon
I will have to run again.
‘It is futile to run’
the voice hisses in my ear
as startled
I dash off again.
‘Round and round
an endless maze
all while the voice crawls closer.
Oozing
black shadows
piercing through the gloom
no matter where I hide
no matter how hard I run
they are still there
voices
shadows
insanity.
Wallls built of my memories
move ever closer
confining me
jailing me
no way for my escape.
I scream in terror
I scream in rage
sick of this torment
I want it all to end.
Sept. 6/18

 

Photo by Andrei Lazarev on Unsplash