I need to apologize…..

I need to apologize. For a couple of things.

  1. I have not had the same amount of time lately to get through all the blogs I am following and I feel horrible. I am very busy right now although I am not sure with what and am hoping that things will settle soon. Or I will win the lottery and be able to retire thus freeing up good reading time.
  2. Kristian over at  Tales from the mind of Kristian  nominated me for an award and I have yet to get around to it. Kristian I so appreciate and will get it done by Sunday at the latest.
  3. John over at The Eclectic Contrarian challenged me to write a poem/story based on a picture he shared. This also will be done by Sunday at the latest.

I try my best to read all of you. Some days it is not so easy. I have been a little lethargic and tend to be sleeping in more in the mornings. Part of me wonders if I am in a depression but I am happy. There is no voice in my head telling me no one cares, no one wants to hear my problems. There are no issues at work, I enjoy myself now and interacting with customers. But the small little concerned voice is suggesting that it might be so.

I think part of my problem is that I stay up to ensure that T goes to bed. And after interacting with people all day long, I am exhausted. There is a difference in my normal self and being relaxed chilling at home or with friends, and my work self. Not a one person would believe that I am actually an introvert. At the end of my 8 hours, I need silence. I need to recharge. I need to go to bed earlier.

Also I am dealing with a bit of heartbreak as everyone can see as they read. I fell in love and got burned. Badly. This was the first time that I had opened up to someone about everything about me, since leaving the ex in 2015. So another thing to apologize for is the lamenting brokenhearted poems. (I still am in love with him but that is another post. Maybe)

The one constant in my life, besides reading and catching up on the blogs I follow is my own writing. I have been writing a lot. On different themes. And I am wanting to organize. And eventually publish a collection. And I need to organize all my poetry from the blog. Idiot Jay didn’t bother/think of writing her poetry on Evernote and having a copy on file, did not start to happen until last year. So really I only have 2017’s posts/poetry to go through and I have made a start.

I am meandering all over the place here. As I do, I realize I am not depressed. My girl friends they all have been keeping close tabs on me. I talk to them every day. Even if it is just sending a GIF and they respond with another, they know how I am doing. I know that they would be banging down the door//phone if they thought that there was something wrong.

The being in love thing, that is on hold.

I am going to work really hard at getting myself back on track. By that I mean exercising and eating better. I have fallen off the wagon a little there and it is time to get back up on that horse. LOL I did not do that intentionally.

Thank you for taking  the time to read all my babbling. I bounced here and there covering the thoughts in my head. I will work hard to read at least one of your posts per day. I may not always comment but I am there. Lurking in the background, peering around corners, checking y’all out. . (As if that doesn’t give you the creeps.)

 

I’m Sorry…..so very sorry

When I met you our time was so brief

but a moment in our present

that quickly became the past,

a silent kiss of desire hidden within a secret.

It was you I turned to during times of trouble

and even from afar

you strove to be my hero,

you worked to build my dreams.

I filled my head with thoughts of fancy

waiting and biding my time

til boredom and neglect

did make me seek out others.

The pain inflicted

wanting and yet trying so hard

to remain true and dear

when really, all you had to do was beckon.

I sowed my truth

and now must pay

for although I offered penence

you did not come near.

I lost you to delay

to fates interception

I lost more than you

I lost a way of life.

I am sorry.

I broke your heart.

I made you feel so low.

I made myself a prize for second place.

Good bye.

Til once more we meet

maybe this time will be different

maybe this time I can reopen your heart.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

September 6/17