I am Embarrassed

This week has not been a good week.
There have been a few things that I have been mulling over and I needed to get the anger levels down before I wrote about the situation.
This post is not about that though.
Yesterday though.
I met the threshold.
There was no more that I was able to take.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I have to put air in my tires and often.
So yesterday I left early to go over and put air in.
Especially the rear driver’s side.
It was low.
Drive over and the air hose is not there.
In I go.
I ask about the air hose and the girl behind the counter said I had to wait for the gas attendant to push the hose through the hole in the wall.
Okay no problem so off I go.
After waiting a few moments I went back to the front to see how many vehicles he had to fill.
And out comes another worker.
Her: I am sorry but the girl behind the counter did not know. You can’t get air because it is too cold out for the hose. It might crack.
I think I blinked several times trying to process this.
Me: All you need to do is push the hose through the hole.
Her: It is too cold the hose might crack.
It was -3 C.
Not cold by any means.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Are you telling me that I cannot get air? You push the hose through the hole and when I am done I push it back through so it will not crack.
Her eyes got very big.
Her: No no you just have to wait for the attendant.
I may have heard her wrong.
I admit that but I could not go any further.
I needed air and the last time it had been blocked off by a huge truck.
I phoned work to say I might be late.
As I am walking back I see the hose come shooting out the hole.
Spewing air or whatever it is that is in it.
I filled my tires and drove away.
Once the irritation at the inconvenience I had dealt with passed the guilt hit me.
I knew that I should not have sworn.
That is not who I am.
Or rather I try not to be that person.
It gnawed at me a bit.
Then a bit more.
I knew I had to apologize but I was beyond embarrassed by my behaviour.
And I was worried that if I went in she might be scared that I was there to be mean again.
As I sat here this morning more and more I knew I had to apologize.
And I looked out and saw the same car that had been there early in the morning yesterday.
And I had gone in earlier so it was the same girl I had snarled at.
I hemmed.
I hawed.
I decided to write a note.
I wrote that I was unsure if she was the young lady who was working Thursday morning.
That I was the woman who had sworn while talking to her.
That I wanted to apologize.
No excuses.
That I was embarrassed by my behaviour as that is not who I am.
And that again I was so sorry for how I acted.
I signed it Thank You. J.
When I went out I left it on the windshield of the car.
Under the wiper.
When I came home I was afraid that I was going to see it thrown to the ground.
But there was nothing there.
I am hoping that if it was not the right young woman that whomever does drive that car will pass it along.
Regardless of the stresses in my life I am not one to treat service people badly.
This time I did.
And I am not proud of myself at all.
©Oct. 22/21
Picture via Pinterest

I need to apologize…..

I need to apologize. For a couple of things.

  1. I have not had the same amount of time lately to get through all the blogs I am following and I feel horrible. I am very busy right now although I am not sure with what and am hoping that things will settle soon. Or I will win the lottery and be able to retire thus freeing up good reading time.
  2. Kristian over at  Tales from the mind of Kristian  nominated me for an award and I have yet to get around to it. Kristian I so appreciate and will get it done by Sunday at the latest.
  3. John over at The Eclectic Contrarian challenged me to write a poem/story based on a picture he shared. This also will be done by Sunday at the latest.

I try my best to read all of you. Some days it is not so easy. I have been a little lethargic and tend to be sleeping in more in the mornings. Part of me wonders if I am in a depression but I am happy. There is no voice in my head telling me no one cares, no one wants to hear my problems. There are no issues at work, I enjoy myself now and interacting with customers. But the small little concerned voice is suggesting that it might be so.

I think part of my problem is that I stay up to ensure that T goes to bed. And after interacting with people all day long, I am exhausted. There is a difference in my normal self and being relaxed chilling at home or with friends, and my work self. Not a one person would believe that I am actually an introvert. At the end of my 8 hours, I need silence. I need to recharge. I need to go to bed earlier.

Also I am dealing with a bit of heartbreak as everyone can see as they read. I fell in love and got burned. Badly. This was the first time that I had opened up to someone about everything about me, since leaving the ex in 2015. So another thing to apologize for is the lamenting brokenhearted poems. (I still am in love with him but that is another post. Maybe)

The one constant in my life, besides reading and catching up on the blogs I follow is my own writing. I have been writing a lot. On different themes. And I am wanting to organize. And eventually publish a collection. And I need to organize all my poetry from the blog. Idiot Jay didn’t bother/think of writing her poetry on Evernote and having a copy on file, did not start to happen until last year. So really I only have 2017’s posts/poetry to go through and I have made a start.

I am meandering all over the place here. As I do, I realize I am not depressed. My girl friends they all have been keeping close tabs on me. I talk to them every day. Even if it is just sending a GIF and they respond with another, they know how I am doing. I know that they would be banging down the door//phone if they thought that there was something wrong.

The being in love thing, that is on hold.

I am going to work really hard at getting myself back on track. By that I mean exercising and eating better. I have fallen off the wagon a little there and it is time to get back up on that horse. LOL I did not do that intentionally.

Thank you for taking  the time to read all my babbling. I bounced here and there covering the thoughts in my head. I will work hard to read at least one of your posts per day. I may not always comment but I am there. Lurking in the background, peering around corners, checking y’all out. . (As if that doesn’t give you the creeps.)

 

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