Darkness Recedes

***I am not entirely sure what is setting me off but I am having a lot of different emotions roiling around in me. Of late some of my poetry is about reclamation of self and I apologize if the theme seems tedious. I have been thinking a lot about my breakdown at the end of 2017 and that as well has a bearing on my work. I am doing just fine and am in a great space. I do not want anyone to worry.***
Stretching
reaching for the sky
touch my toes
limber.
In the mirror
a woman I see
where once
I turned my eyes
looking
anywhere but there…..
Witch
Ogre
Booger
ugly I thought I was
no good
not worth
anything
to
anyone.
Crawled
mired in hidden rage
addiction sought
choked with sin
I did not want to die.
I did not know how to ask…..
how to say…..
Strength has left me
I need a hand
no longer this path can I walk.
Bleeding inside
torn to shreds
anyone 
please…..
Tides since turned
phoenix newly risen
glorying in my strength
in my abilities
greeting each day
with thoughts of joy
with thoughts of life.
Every year forward
leaves her behind
broken
battered
child that I was.
No longer carrying blackness.
No longer carrying pain.
No longer does living hurt.
Raise my face to the sun
basking in my gloried return.
©Feb. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

Absolution of Self

Ever sat
deep pit welling inside
blank eyed stare
sunlight does not penetrate
darkness
no less inkier
than the space I am in.
Trembling
black chasm
right beneath my feet
blinded so
by the roaring voices
pushing out all other thoughts
all other sounds.
Falling
arms spread out
let me go
I hate you
it is my turn
it is my time……..
Vicious
lips drawn in rage
I turn back
face to face
I will battle
I will win
I will never
not ever
fall to my knees
chained by the past
from which
I have broken free.
Bowed head
on my knees
shattered
not beaten
not again shackled
trapped in whirling vortex…..
I am free.
I loosed the beast
roar into the night
fly
my fears
my addictions
my hurts
my angers
leave me……
Absolved.
A babe born anew
a canvas
awaiting
awakening
to the beauty within.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Ebbing Love

I watch
wondering
wandering
waiting
for slowly
my worth
my truth
my veracity
becoming known
opening myself
to opportunities
while you
well
you may not like what transpires.
Standing tall
no more hiding
no more pretending
I am beauty
I am love
I am creative
I am……
all of the above.
Becoming tired are you?
Annoyed
with my shouting from rooftops
glorying
in self worth
in self awareness
in self love
making me
a woman to beware of.
Always headstrong
I fight
for the things that I want
the future I see
tangible
to the touch
to what I desire.
I am done
waiting
while you waffle
right
wrong
yes
or no?
When you decide
darling do not be surprised
if I am no longer there.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Blessings……

So many facets
so many needs
all wrapped up in one package
that defies understanding.
But do I need you to understand
if I am being me?
Babygirl 
sweet
sassy
crawls for Daddy
when made to beg
loves to be cuddled
loves to be held…..
Independent
fiery
take on the world
stand on my own two feet
needing help from no one…..
Mother
strong
loving
teaching right from wrong
watching with delight
as my child grows.
Child
sweet girl
hidden within
she only comes out
when safety is found
most of the time
she does not appear.
Woman
beautiful
emotional
longing for love
longing for companionship
walking this path alone
now and forever more.
How have I integrated 
all these parts of me?
Not easily.
Not without exposing
darkness of self.
Exploring each side.
Exploring each pain.
Each fear
each desire
examined
a lesson
and life goes on…..
I am a better being
for learning myself this way.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

I Aver….

****7 Days****
Whispers
Close
A sound unheard
Tremble
Lost
Blackened Demons
Fire set
Burn you at the stake
Diving
Delving
Shredding your brain
With deadly thoughts
Scored with poison
Bitter thorns embed
Tearing fragile flesh
Gnawing tender bones
Sucking emotioned marrow clean
Sunken
Dead eyed
Walking through life a shadow
Ever afraid
To face yourself.
To see the truth.
You are beauty.
You are faith.
You are love.
You my darling 
You are more than enough
Come close
Myself
Broken
Bruised
Place weary head to shoulder
Sleep now
You guarded me well
Rest 
I will guide us 
I will love us
I will live for us
This I promise.
©Dec. 18/19
Picture is my own

Truth’s Ballad

How battered
how bruised
how broken
must I be
that I view everything you say
under scrutiny.
Thoughts
always twisted
expectant of the worst
never expecting the good.
Cannot believe the hurt
stifled for so long
brewing
bursting through my skin.
Death worms
boring outward
escaping with their vile shards
stomped beneath my boot
as they fall.
No one loves you.
I am loved.
You are ugly.
I see my beauty.
It comes from within.
No one wants to hear your pain.
I am surrounded by those
who share my pain
hold my hand
hug me tight
let me cry.
You are shallow
selfish
insignificant in this world.
I am me.
I am imperfect.
I have shattered.
I have remade myself.
I am learning to listen
finally
to the most important person of all…..
myself.
Clothed in color
standing upon cliff’s edge
within my hands
ashes of…..
the horror of my past
the fear that tried to bind me
the voice
wailing in fear
in shame
in pain
no longer caged
no longer tongueless
soars
released to the skies
song upon the bird’s wings.

©Oct. 16/19
Picture is my own

Duality

There are dual sides
good
bad
sweet
evil
well that is four
all melded together
creating one,,,,,
me.
Sweet
caring for the world
caring for my friends
wanting nothing but the best
the everything
for everyone.
Bad
angry for injustice
angry at those who get away
fantasies play out
words written on paper
tablet
laptop
grim stories
within which I get my revenge.
Twirling
swirling
ribbon wrapped present
unite the sides
come together as one.
Singing words pleasant
singe words
brutal honesty
no longer hiding
embracing the light
loving the woman I have created.
©Sept. 13//19
Picture found on Pinterest