I am a Suckie Baby

Oh yes, I am sick.

Felt fine yesterday and then mid-afternoon I started to feel crampy and icky. So I laid down on the couch and slept from 3-5. Woke up and knew that even though my tummy was not feeling hot that I needed to eat something. But the cramping was still there. Two bites of toast and I decided that I was going to have a bath because I was freezing.

It is entirely possible that I tried the toast after the bath but cannot really get that time line straight. I did soak in the tub for two hours. Hot enough to scald a normal person I drained my hot water because it was not hot enough. I had heat cranked throughout the apartment (save for T’s room) and still it was not hot enough.

Heat cranked to 20 degrees celsius (68 degrees F) in both the living room and my bedroom. I was in sleeping pants and my hoodie. Crawled into bed and shivered. Was out like a light.

I woke one to go to the bathroom. Loki was being annoying so I closed my bedroom door. At one point I woke up sweating and changed the hoodie for a tank top before diving back under the covers because I was then freezing.

Around 6 my alarm went off (this after resetting it from 4, 5, 5:30) and I opened the bedroom door before crawling back into bed. I reset the alarm again to 7 to see how I felt before falling back to sleep.

As I write this it is 9:05 and I am on the couch bundled up watching Who Killed Santa? A MURDERVILLE Murder Mystery. Stupid as all get out but entertaining as all get out to me. I have taken 3 Motrin for the headache and in unrelated news my right elbow is kicking up major fuss. Hurts like an S.O.B. and won’t let go.

Going to make myself a bland piece of toast and a cup of tea. Hoping that that will help with the hunger while easing the cramping. Then more sleep. I have a busy week coming up and leading into Christmas. I have to clean the apartment. I have to get the Christmas presents wrapped. Laundry. I do not have time to be sick.

It just needs to hold off until Dec. 28th at 5 p.m. Then I can be sick as much as I want because I am on holidays until Jan. 9th.

Dec. 15/22

Picture via Pinterest

Sweet Blessing

Motes of dust
dancing through the air
caught in gleaming sunbeam
laying on the floor
entranced
fingers held light
across tight belly
feeling the dance beneath my skin.
Time once was
I thought this day would never come
for well…..
age
health
wealth
all play a part in being
serene
peaceful
for implantation to take place.
I would look so longingly
at others
with bundles of joy in their arms
my heart breaking
for mine were empty
I did not feel the weight
the scent
the feel of a child asleep.
I have lost one
she bore a hole in my heart
that I strove to ignore
to deny
not her
but the pain that I felt
which no one explained
would be brutal
demoralizing
encompassing with no way out.
Now my miracle is at hand.
Any day now
I will meet
this child of mine…..
who I already love
who I already adore
who is a mystery
wrapped in a rose colored bow
that I cannot wait to snip.
©Nov. 13/19
This poem is based on the fact that I lost my daughter Christina 28 years ago tomorrow. I never thought that I was ever going to have a child of my own when 17 years later I discovered I was pregnant with Tember. To this day he is my miracle and masterpiece and yet I miss Christina every day.
Picture is my own.
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