Duality

There are dual sides
good
bad
sweet
evil
well that is four
all melded together
creating one,,,,,
me.
Sweet
caring for the world
caring for my friends
wanting nothing but the best
the everything
for everyone.
Bad
angry for injustice
angry at those who get away
fantasies play out
words written on paper
tablet
laptop
grim stories
within which I get my revenge.
Twirling
swirling
ribbon wrapped present
unite the sides
come together as one.
Singing words pleasant
singe words
brutal honesty
no longer hiding
embracing the light
loving the woman I have created.
©Sept. 13//19
Picture found on Pinterest
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Can’t serve ya!

Seriously the above is not a statement of what this post will be about. Although I suppose if you ask the customer I did provide her with bad service.

Let me set the picture for you: Southern Manitoba, the last few patches of snow are finally melting. Save for the snow hill which is now a dirty pile of sludge that is slowly evaporating beside the apartment. Everyone has been bundled up in jackets and scarfs and toques right up until last week. Friday to be exact. Today is absolutely gorgeous. I was able to sleep with my window open last night. First time of the year.

Now this is my story:

When I left for work this morning, the sun was shining. There was a light breeze tousling my hair as I locked the door and walked to my car. I was already feeling warm in my sweater but work can sometimes be very cold so I left it on.

Arriving at work, I walked across the parking lot humming to myself. It is gorgeous out. No doubt about it. Checked my phone it is 15 degrees (59 F). It is a glorious day.

I am in the express check out. Put through a few customers all of whom are in a good mood when up she comes. We chit chat about things and I ask how she is liking the weather outside? Imagine my shock and consternation when she tells me that it is already too hot for her. Without thinking this is what shot out of my mouth:

“I am very sorry m’aam, but I won’t be able to serve you.”

She is staring at me as if I am serious and I burst out into peals of laughter. I reassured her that I was not about to send her off to another till. That I was teasing. Finished with her order, loaded it into her cart and sent her off on her way.

And than spent the rest of my day reassuring myself that not everyone was crazy by asking how they were enjoying the weather outside. To which all responded that it was beautiful and other than the wind (which had picked up and was blowing from the north) it was a great day.

March winds have become the end of April winds. Which means that we are about a month behind in seasons here in Manitoba. Mother Nature really needs to get her act together. 🙂

Stormy Sunshine

Today has been one of those days that began with a storm and ended in sunshine. T and I went head to head this morning. Screaming. Crying. I told him to shut up. He tried to hit me. Unsuccessfully before you get up in arms. I easily batted his hands away as he was screaming at me not to touch him. I locked myself in my bedroom. Eventually things settled down.

I am not proud of either of our behaviors. However a friend told me that some times you need to assert your authority. Remind them who the boss is. I had forgotten about that. T apologized to me and our morning ended with my dropping him off at school. And trying to teach him some times tables on the way to school. He did not like my attempts even though I was trying to teach him some short cuts. I told him that in either grade 3 or grade 4 (positive it was grade 3) I use to be sent off to a quiet room off the library to do my times tables. I had some issues learning them as well. I still use short cuts I taught myself when I need to times some numbers.

Went to work intent on talking to my boss about my return to 8 hour shifts May 14th.  However he was busy and I did not catch him before my shift started. So I forced him to talk to me on my 15 minute break. That I set my timer for. I wanted to know how he was feeling about me. What he thought and/or felt about my return. What we were planning to do.

He asked me how I felt I was doing. How I was doing. Not how the front was doing but me. And what did I do, I told him everything that I was noticing that was wrong. Again I need to learn how to not do these things. I need to step back and do my job. Just my job. Not manage but interact with the customers. Talk with people. I am uncertain if I should go and mention that I realize my error in listing out what I was seeing or if I should leave it alone.

We decided that I am going to work Customer Service and Cashier until the end of June. During this time I am going to decide whether or not I want to remain the Lead Supervisor. If I want to step down and be a supervisor. Or completely remove myself from the supervisory responsibility altogether and become full time Customer Service/Cashier. Still at same wage. Still with same benefits. Still with 40 hours a week. And no responsibility. None. Other than to come in and do my job.

While talking with my friend, I listed out all the pros. This here is the largest one, even though I have gone back to work my creative juices have been flowing. I am having ideas galore, some are funny, some are dark, but they are there. I have begun working on my first collection of short stories and poetry. I am excited. Last night I did not want to go to bed at 10 p.m. because I wanted to be writing. I woke up at 4 and thought about getting up to write but I had been in the middle of a great dream and decided that I wanted to try and recapture it.

Tonight I have had two ideas pop up and a third in play. My first batch is a little dark, okay a lot dark and warped.  My comedic ideas are totally lighter.  I think that once I get some of this darkness out of me, I will settle into a balance. This is the joy of writing short stories, I can write about everything and anything.

My evening has been good. I did not turn on the t.v. until around 6. I was home at 2. Although I did not do a full work out I did do my toning exercises. Supper was pork tenderloin sliced thin, 4 slices of cheese toast and salad. I was famished. As I was cooking I realized/spotted the above item on the floor. I picked it up and was about to throw it away when I realized what it was.

I had bought T a 6 pack of Powerade. It is one of the rings that hold the 6 together. He snipped it so that when it went into the garbage and eventually made it to the dump, that no animals could get tangled up in it. So I must be doing something right.

Okay, now I am so embarrassed.  I was asking T where he had learned to cut the loops so as to save the animals. And he looks at me like I have grown 2 horns. Has no idea what I am talking about. I explain to him how birds can get tangled in them, smaller animals etc. He is shaking his head. So I ask why he is cutting the loops. So he can get the drink out. I could only stare at him. I told him I had been bragging about him all over the place. And now alas, I am wrong about his motives. Where oh where did I go wrong? (JK)

Lost in Time

**The picture is mine stylized by Google Pictures**
I sidle through the silent halls of my memories
head down
teeth bared
afraid of what I might find.
Memories that have been closeted from me
the good
the bad
and everything in between.
As time has passed within this dream
I awaken
and find
that the bad have slowly disappeared.
I can see sunshine and light
I can remember things I long forgot
I cry as the good times spill over me.
For too long
darkness has held court over my memories.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen