Lock and Key

****9 Days****
Blackened hearth
ashes cold
no warmth found
a loss of self
a loss of innocence
tears track through soot
silence round
staring endlessly into the darkness.
Morbid thoughts
death
destruction
voice raw from shattered screams
gasping air
unable to stop
convulsing as the ugly truth
rears its bloody head.
Alcohol
consumed in copious amounts
dims the light within
allows for wraith like movement
through my own life.
Grey ghosts gather
dancing around my bed
an exorcism
no longer effective
I am lost within.
Broken
death looking on
time has come to change
to embrace this self
amalgamate it to the new
creating a better me.
As time grows close
my festive nature
a joy to perceive
my demons battled
sedated
locked within a chest
for which I have the only key.
©Dec. 14/19
Picture via Pinterest

Patchwork Girl

****10 Days****

Falling down
rabbit hole deep
lost in a swirl
of blackness
of pain
no possible way out.
Round and round I go
never ending carousel
riding the pony
reaching for the stars
out of bounds
out of my orbit
a dream unrealized.
When I look in the mirror
a cadaver stares back
blooded rivets in my skin
holding me together
pinning me as I am
no change
no feelings
utter blackness
a void where once my heart was.
Detached
looking at myself from afar
disgusted
deranged in my addiction
hurting body and soul
to hide
to unacknowledge the girl
desperate for release
for acceptance
for forgiveness
scratching beneath the surface.
on my knees
screaming my rage
frothing with murderous desire
I slowly reunite
each broken piece
knitted back together
until I become the woman I am…..
flawed
patchwork colourful
beautiful
healthy
growing
learning every day.
No longer do I fear.
No longer do I hide.
I am who I am.
Warts and all.
Accept me or not…..
I really don’t care.
© Dec. 13/19
Picture is my own
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