Happy Birthday to…..

Well I never!

Went in and sang happy birthday to T. He jerked awake and pulled away from me this look of utterly disgust on his face. I went to all the trouble of waking up early just to sing him a song.

Ok technically I was up much earlier because of Lucky going all territorial. Assuming a cat outside came to close to the window and she went into death attack mode. Growling like she means business.

Also I must have had a wicked night sweat right before because I woke up soaking wet. Hair. Tank top. Shorts. I was not going back to bed.

I did not go in at 4:30 I waited until 7 a.m. that has to count for something. I could have gone in at 1:50 a.m. which is the time he was born but it would not have been as much fun. He was still awake.

I cannot believe my 16″ long 3lb 15 oz baby boy is 14 today. And towering over me. There is not a day I do not look at him and be amazed at this wonderful being I have the privilege of being mom to.

He does not even realize how others see him. Does not do things because everyone else is. Cares about others.

And still tells me he loves me at the end of every voice call. Before getting out of the car at school. Before going to bed at night.

Aug. 7/22

It’s Been a Wild Ride ‘Til Now (And we ain’t done yet)

This story starts 49 years ago.
Although if one wants to be technical it is not actually 49 years until 8:05 p.m.
Even before I was born I was trouble.
Did not even want to come out.
Eventually wrestled free by forceps coming out only slightly resembling a Conehead.
Remember them?
From SNL?
birth
Flashforward through the years.
Divorced parents.
Abused.
Multiple relationships.
One marriage.
My own divorce is pending.
Addiction.
Not one.
Not two.
But three of them.
Nicotine-Quit smoking in 2016.
Pills-Quit taking Dec. 23/21 (last day I took them)
Alcohol-407 days sober.
I have cycled through a few depressive episodes.
I have fallen down twice so hard that I broke.
It was the second time that like the phoenix arising from the ashes that a new Jay came into being.
I am not perfect.
I am as flawed and cracked as a ’30’s porcelain doll passed down through the daughter’s daughter’s daughter’s hands
loved-but I am well loved within myself by myself.
Weird way to say that I have accepted myself.
Not going to lie it is a struggle.
For the most part yes I love myself and believe all the things I tell myself but there are times where I despair.
That is vanity speaking though.
I work hard to love myself.
I work hard to accept myself.
I look in the mirror and know that there is so much more work to be done.
That is okay though.
Where would I be if I did not grow?
Where would I be if I did not look beyond myself to the world and how I can help?
Where would I be if I put myself first always and forever?
Alone.
Miserable.
Bitter.
I left that person behind.
A long time ago and there will be no going back.
I am still that little girl who danced in the sunbeams with fairies and knights in shining armor.
child
The little girl who looked always for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
rainbow
The little girl who grew up and put away the things of children too soon.
I am going to reclaim her.
Let her out to revel in the joys we find.
Together.
Wonder.
Love.
Acceptance.
And maybe a hill to roll down.
©Aug. 29/21
Pictures are my own and via Pinterest
Intellectual Shaman

Poetry for Finding Meaning in the Madness

Maryam's Blog

My views on politics, Health, Smartphones, Computers, Laptops and other gadgets

Dark Caves and Dusters

Collection of a creator

The life of a dreamer.

"She believed she could, so she did." 🌙

Earthly Comforts

Inspired By Nature

Writing, Reading, Living, but mostly Hiding

Writing, blogging, journaling

Sarah Rajkotwala - Author & Spiritual Teacher blog

Gardening Fairies Flowers Spirituality Angels Love Joy

Small Business Administration Offers.

We are constantly adding new offers to our site. Be sure to come back later.

Learning with Life

Poems, quotes, learning, feelings, introspect, experience as well as discovering..

Poetry Of Tantrik Nihilist

A blog for my lyrics/poetry. Typically, I write about dark things such as nihilism, the occult, social commentary, introspection etc.

Chain Breaker821

#motavation#grief#addict#jesus# grace #recovery#lostloveone#widow#Godsavedme#butterfly

Enchantress Lands

Magic all around

° BLOG ° Gabriele Romano

The flight of tomorrow

Unabashedly Ashleigh

A mom's journey from hardship to new beginnings

Heartwritten Story of a Daughter

—By Gabriele Schmetterling Richter

Captain Q

Poems From The Pirate In My Soul

Big Adventures Little Car

Get outside! Big adventures await!

%d bloggers like this: