Untitled Poem #3

***Please note this is not indicative of how I am feeling/going through.***
Jibber
Jabber
voices in my head
calling
screaming
flames flare
scorching
am I finally dead?
Wafting
fleeing
hiding
pain
so much pain
head pounding
bloody
I opened a vein.
Crimson spray
paint the walls
maroon
warmth slowly fades.
Slowly
ever so slowly
I slide down the wall
life ebbing away.
Tears
slow warmth
glides over softened cheeks
staring
eyes glazed
darkness encroaching
midnight hour comes…..
goes….
I am so lost.
December 11/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017
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Untitled Poem

Little girl
voice a silent whisper
those who should have protected
fell short.
Turned their blind eyes
away from the pain
thought that it would go away
the devastation they did cause
who cared
for they were not the ones
carrying the burden.
Screams resound
bounce from one wall
to the next
gripping my head
trying
determined
wishing
that these memories were dead.
I see
I remember
did you know you were in the room?
Guess when you are the only one
to feel
to remember
to live in anguish
everyone else can ignore
unless they stare down at you
make you feel like a whore.
Oct. 23/18
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Denial

Placid.
Stagnant.
Floating upon the scum of the pond
hair streaming
no cares
no feelings
numbness
all that I need.
With nothing
there is no pain
there is no fear
there is no acknowledging that past.
With nothing
I am blurred
I am stoned
I no longer seek to understand
who I am.
Why I am.
Broken child.
Halo bent.
Satan is waiting.
A lot of learning
yet to be done.
Yearning.
Please understand.
I hate myself.
I love myself.
I speak in tongues.
There is no real happiness
no reality
for denial is one.
Oct. 34/18
Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Boogeyman

His shadow spreads
over bitter walls
skeletal fingers
creep along
scritching
scratching
he wants to come in.
Hidden under the covers
trying to ignore the fear
counting beneath your breath
please do not let him come near.
Each footstep
each creak of the floor
an indication that he is coming closer.
Mouth working
throat closing
your scream comes out
as a whispered no.
Terror holds you tight
an embrace you cannot escape from
the door slowly opens
as you squeeze your eyes shut.
Like a child
you are convinced
that if you cannot see him
He cannot see you.
Covers slowly pulled away
a low moaning hiss
fingers pressing
nay bruising into your flesh
as you struggle to awaken
away from this horror
towards the sunrise.
August 31/18
Picture via: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/804596289653185639/

Latest Victim

There is no way to know
simmering beneath the surface
a silent rage
all consuming
ready to devour
those who come too close.
Whispers swell
scrabbling at the door
nasty comments
brutal fears
looking to escape
to cause havoc….
on the innocent.
Blackness roiling
filling mind
soul
with doubt
that nothing is at it seems.
Stormy sea
symphony of agony
of hatred
within one’s self
as the darkness reaches out….
to claim it’s latest victim.
Aug. 22/18

How Uncaring…..

Walking down the sidewalk
millions of people around
lost in my own little bubble
pulling in
drawing in
making myself small of notice.
I am not worthy
I am not allowed
to have the beauty
to have the love of life that all others carry.
Time
more time has proven me right
that I falter and fall
tears slashing my face
as I howl with pain
with rage
with despair.
As I lay here
mouth wrenched in silent scream
all who pass by
cast a cursory glance
before moving on.
Aug. 21/19

Damnation

I hate you
hissed the voice
across the ether of time.
Roiling ripping away
tearing my soul
ending my fears with a dagger deep.
Falling unable to stop
death seems so preferable
until I realize I am….
in a free fall all the way down.
Fires flame
lava errupts
demons scatter
leaving behind the damned.
A cacophony of voices
demanding
insistent that I…..
I alone
can save them
release them
from the nightmares they must face
as part of their damnation.
Photo by Marc Szeglat on Unsplash