Death Stench

I ran across the parking lot in the rain.
Not a nice delicate rain but pounding down on the pavement.
And for some bizarre reason M had opened up the trunk to her car.
So after running through a puddle I had to run around the car slamming the trunk shut.
Opened the car door to jump in and stared in horror.
I am not the world’s best person when it comes to a clean vehicle.
I have empty pop cans and paper all over.
Every once in a while I I do a clean sweep.
Did one recently hence my smug attitude about this.
There are sunflower husks everywhere.
Not a few.
But hundreds.
Thousands littering the foot well.
I swear I saw tiny sunflower seed men begging for mercy as my foot crunched down on them.
Me: M like seriously??? What the hell is this?
M: I like sunflower seeds.
Me: Wow and I thought that my car was bad.
K: Yeah mom how gross.
M: At least I do not sit on moldy fries and have black things coming to life back there.
T: What is this? What am I sitting on?
Me: Is the bog monster back there?
T: Why is this slimy? What is this? Omg it looks like the coffee floats when I leave the cup in my room.
We all hop out into the rain and T is trying to clean up and get K to help him.
He is throwing cups and napkins in the bag.
Wiped the seat with a car wipe.
Made K change sides with him.
Into Lucy’s M and I went and she picked out two boxes of incense.
I picked out a candle (Hippie Love) and two boxes of incense myself.
Sandalwood and White Sage.
M picked out White Sage and something from the bowels of hell.
I cannot even begin to explain the scent to you all I can say is it was perfume with bitter undertones and it coated my tongue.
No I was not licking them it was the smell.
After several stops for T’s school clothes we are heading back home.
And the farts begin.
At first it stayed in the back seat.
Bouncing back and forth from K to T and back again.
Then T let one really rip.
Silently with a little vibration.
Now M is a fart connoisseur.
She farts loud and proud.
So to make her die takes a lot.
The smell was not as bad at first.
I mean I could smell it and I suppose since it was from my son’s butt I did not notice the rancid undertones.
But M did.
And then she made it worse.
She grabbed the box of incense that smell like the bowels of hell and began to wave it around in a desperate attempt to clear the air of the stench.
The bowels of hell met the rancidness of my son’s fart and…..
She was dying.
Like the gentleman above.
I was unable to get a video of her because the smell hit me.
I gasped immediately shoving my nose into my hands and putting the window down.
As M drove through a giant puddle.
Needless to say I shrieked and put the window back up a bit.
Never removing my hand from my face.
M and K drove off into the sunset.
T and me went inside and washed the new clothes we bought.
All in all a successful day hanging out with amazing friends.
Sept. 3/21
Pictures are my own and Pinterest
Video via Youtube

We done good…..

Yesterday I went over to the ex’s so he could check over the car and see what needed to be done before winter.
Like my transmission.
Which needs a flushing.
Included in the car check was dinner with him and Tember.
Well Tember and I ate and the ex had some drinks.
It was not as hard as I thought sitting there with him talking as he drank.
It took us a long time but the ex and I are friends.
Yesterday after he looked over the car the three of us sat in the shop chatting.
The ex and I chatted and Tember had a little input here and there.
As always. 
Our topics included property tax, divorce and how we should proceed. 
Discovered the previous rush had to do with the now ex-girlfriend who wanted to get married.
Turns out the ex didn’t.
Also they are looking at building in two years. 
Ex has a really good plan for himself.
And to be honest I am really proud of how far he has come in the last five years.
He even made a comment about how the split between the two was amicable neither had cheated.
I took it in stride. 
He was not being mean to me.
He was stating a fact.
And I understood he was not casting stones at me. 
We are passed that.
Our conversation segued into him telling me how at work on Sunday’s he checks the weekly obits.
And some of his friends are dying.
Which when you consider he is only 49 top age of a previous friend who passed away 51. 
Kinda scary when you think about it.
The ex is doing well with his weight and controls his diabetes with exercise and diet.
Last night he said that he might quit drinking in the future but not now.
We were discussing my nearly 90 days sober and he wanted to know what precipitated my desire to quit.
Discovering that his fly was down the ex asks:
Why did you not tell me my fly was down?
Me: Well I didn’t notice. (Not looking there so hello…..)
Tember at this time looks at the two of us and announces: 
If this is what an adult is about…..sitting and talking about death and taxes. And loans. And building houses. And divorce. That is just boring. I do not want to be an adult.
Worried your child is growing up to quickly the above is a detailed explanation of how to send them running back to childhood.
Was telling the ex how when I look at Tember I see so much of him in our son that I did not realize how many features we shared until I had taken a different picture of us. 
Showed it to him and he is looking at my eyes. 
I had still been drinking at that time. 
Tember is getting all embarrassed.
Me: He is not all that bad other than sometimes words come out of his mouth before his brain catches up.
Ex: That he gets from me. Oooops did I say that?
Me: And the eye rolling. 
Ex: That he got from you.
Me: He does it a lot. See?
Tember wails: I am not doing it on purpose.
Ex and I bellow with laughter and Tember is looking all hurt.
Me: Buddy no we are not laughing at you. We are laughing because your dad has literally heard those exact same words come out of my mouth.
Genetics have a funny way of showing up.
Lastly Tember begins his ‘mom you shrank’ dance and I told him off.
Stop with the growing.
My runners are flat little canvas shoes no rubber.
He is wearing hiking boots.
Standing on the top part of the curve on the slope of the shop entrance. 
No determination was made.
Tember did say he did a ‘test’ on the computer and he is going to be 6’2″ according to that.
Which lead to a height aligning with his dad.
As you can see in all three pictures which I snapped one right after another they have the same expressions on their faces.
And yes I did ask the ex for permission before I posted his picture here.


Have a magnificent Monday loves.
I am having a lazy holiday Monday.
©Oct. 12/20
Pictures are my own