Winner Is…..

Of late I have totally been off my game.
Whiny.
Teary.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
My list goes on and on.
All negative emotions.
It is like a dark cloud is hanging over my head.
And it has carried over into all aspects of my life.
Creativity-gone
Reading-a couple of pages and either I am falling asleep or feeling itchy.
Watching Law & Order because I cannot get interested in anything else.
Work-Irritable despite smiling and joking.
Home-Constant rearranging/discarding of things.
I have big plans to do things and get home from work…..
ideas/plans peter out.
This possibly is a cycle with me.
Never have I had difficulty with a big birthday.
20
30
40
27 bawled like a baby on my birthday and could not tell you why.
35 I needed change got pregnant and had T.
42 I fell apart. Kaboom number 2.
45 I fell apart Kaboom number 3.
Although this did begin the start of my new real life so not really a thing.
48 I am looking at things and know I need change but how?
Looking at this and realize that my biggest shift is in my 40’s.
Something to mull over for a later date.
I have a child I am raising.
Who at 12 still requires me full time to look after him despite what he may think.
T is all great at being ready to do this and do that like get a job but whines and fights with me when I ask him to do the dishes.
He is great at arguing with me.
I annoy him to no end because I am usually on the couch killing myself laughing as he stands in the kitchen telling me why he cannot do something.
And I love telling him how he so could have been done whatever it was I was asking of him and back playing Farming Sim with his friends.
But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…..
My point being I am feeding and clothing said child.
Which necessitates work.
Never mind that I do like where I work.
And my wage.
And my holidays. Paid.
And my benefits. Shared cost inexpensive to say the least.
Every time I begin to write it fades away after a bit.
Not when I write poetry but short stories.
Have great ideas or at least I think they are great but my characters after a brief moment of non-stop barfing of self run off into the woods to play hide and go see or peek-a-boo don’t look behind you…..
In high school I wrote a novel.
Horrible thing but write it I did.
My characters spoke to me.
I lived and breathed them.
Now though not sure where they have all gone.
Anyhow let me get back on track here.
Change is needed.
Unsure how to go about changing or what exactly it is that needs change.
Last week my manager came to me with a question.
The company I work for at present does not have a shopping option where the customer orders pays for it and a shopper at the store does their shopping.
They come and pick it up.
Never have to enter store.
Never have to deal with line ups.
Our competitors do.
It was something that was looked at as a future endeavor.
Until Covid.
Until now.
How would I feel about doing the shopping and organizing of orders for a program like this.
Before the man was even half way through I was like oh yes.
Absolutely.
My wrists and elbows will have time to rest.
I will not be in a till with customers constantly flowing through.
My contact with customers will be when I am shopping the aisles or putting groceries into their vehicles.
I am getting paid to shop for other people.
This is a dream job.
I have always said if I could get a job as a personal shopper I would love to do that.
Love to do it.
And now I can.
Beginning next Monday our store is launching our own version.
Yesterday I spent my afternoon clearing out the space I will be working out of.
Once all the garbage and BBQ’s had been removed it proved to be rather roomy.
And I swept it up.
Asked to have cleaners wash the floor too.
I am beyond excited about this.
To start 3-4 days are going to be doing this role.
I have a feeling that it is going to be all 5 days for this is not only a matter of convenience but safety as well.
It gives peace of mind to our customers who are concerned about contact outside their bubble.
Which ever way it works out I am excited about the change that is coming and I believe that it will be exciting and fun.
Last week Monday and Tuesday I was feeling down.
Lost.
Sad.
Fast forward a week and I am feeling good.
Excited.
Happy.
What last week was morose and ick feelings have morphed into excitement and renewed energy.
Is it possible that the shift is within me?
That making constant daily use of my blue light is working and I am an idiot on the days that I forget to turn it on.
Whichever way one wants to look change has once more found me and I am coming out…..
A winner once again.
©Dec. 1/20
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #116-Untitled Poem

Yesteryear…..
Time
women were chattel
men could do as they pleased
when they pleased
with whom they pleased.
No one could say…..
No one could deny…..
they were top of the species pile.
Stronger.
Smarter.
Well…..
that one is open to debate.
Bible in one hand
port in the other
expound
virtues of owning flesh
devouring souls
while crooning on their knees.
Everything forgiven
by the man in the sky
ignoring the rest
giving unto these select
the truth
the way
the sickening belief
no wrong can be done
for anointed they were.
Toss away
fragile humans
no longer a pawn
no longer able to be used
garbage heap
noble bearing
shame on you
piece of filth.
Sepia pictures
gracing privileged walls
made real
cronyism blatant display
once thought to have been eradicated
slowly encroaching…..
life
freedoms
truths
slowly eroded…..
©Sept. 23/20
Picture via Pinterest