Thought #10

There comes a moment when the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child. This is the moment when reality strikes home as to the fragility of life and our time within.

**Picture is mine taken at Matlock Beach Manitoba summer 2017**

T: My Dream

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she falls in love.
Not with her husband
not with her boyfriend
but with her child.
When they come from within
and are laid on her tummy mewling
she welcomes them to the world.
Once I thought it would not happen
once I thought my time had passed
that a child would not
could not
be born of me.
Yet he came
tiny and fragile
delicate yet
and fierce to the end.
They told me not to worry
if he did not cry or scream.
I braced myself for fear
yet when they laid him upon me
he grabbed my finger and held on tight
proclaiming his appearance.
My little warrior,
the fighter that I was meant to be.
Six years later
he astounds me.
He robs me of my breath.
I watch him grow
and learn.
And damn don’t I know
that the best of me is in front of me.
My son.
My child.
My life.
My moon and stars.
The dream I thought I had missed.
Originally written August 7/14 (T’s birthday)
revised March 20/18

How does that make you feel?

So, the week after my car died (cancelled 1-more to follow on that thread) I had my son. It was the coldest week of the season thus far. I had no car. Had to rely on my best friend (forever after known as BFF) to drive both myself and my son to and from work and school. My sitter (also a wicked ass friend will be known as Sitter lol) also drove me to work and son to school. The fact we had to rely on others did not go unnoticed by my son.

Finally get car back when son goes back to his father. No problem. I do require a fuse, bolt on inline battery fuse.  Still waiting for him to either a) order it for me or b) drop off to me so I can go in and order. I do not have radio or clock. My wipers also did not work but that was a fuse issue. (Cancelled 2)

Sooooooooooo……..I pick my son up from the sitter’s on Wednesday December 28th. We are now going to spend the next five days together and I am pumped. Driving along talking about our day when my son drops this bombshell on me: “Mom dad totally didn’t want to fix your car. That is why it took so long.”

Wow. Okay my son is 8. He is trying to instigate. Not even going to answer this.

Deep breath. Deep deep breath.

“Okay. So why are you telling me this? Are you trying to start a fight between your dad and me? Cause it just isn’t worth it dude. Not worth my time, not worth my anger, not worth anything I have.”

“But mom does this not make you angry?”

“I have a question for you. So we had to rely on our friends for a week to get to and from school and work.”

“Yeah we did.”

“And I got sick. Had to have BFF take me to the walk in. You had to wait at school to get picked up.”

“Yeah, so why are you not mad?”

“How do you feel about this? How do you feel about the fact that we had to rely on friends to get us around this week? How do you feel that mom ended up getting sick (totally unrelated but related) and had to stay home?”

“I was kinda mad mom. When I have a shop I will always fix your car first.”

“Baby…..one day you will look back at this and you will understand. You will understand why I left your dad, why I could no longer be there.”

“Mom?”

“Yes baby?”

“Dad’s girlfriend is 21.”

And there was nothing more to say.