Here or There

The water was warm. Too warm. Sun baked. No one knew she was out here.
 
Laying on her back. Staring up at the night sky. Rounded…..amazed always by the sphere that was Earth. Looked above. All those glowing pretty rocks. Wish here. Wish there. Wish everywhere. The Percocet she had taken mellowed her out. Deep breath in…….sigh it out…..there was no protection. Floating…..dead man’s float so ironic…..so easy to ignore the pain here. To pretend nothing was wrong.
 
Vast void. Within. It felt as though she was free falling. Tumbling over and over. Did it ever end? Screams of pain rage anguish unheard by the world. With head under water holding breath liquid silk over face panic breath gasped sit upright how does she go on?
 
Fire light on the shore. Beckoning warmth. Laughter voices of friends float out to her. Sitting letting water move her weightless body this way that way. Wood scented air memory scratching at the surface unexpected pain dive beneath the water come up deep breath dive below again. Toes barely touching pushing hair back from face she spots the shooting star. Spectacular trail of golden dust make a wish deep breath in death breath out…..
 
Phantom…..spectre…..hovering on the outskirts of life…..pain encompasses all how to trust when trust was not something afforded but torn away…..
 
Tears shed meld with water lapping around her head. She stares at the moon above. Lighting a pathway. Only she can decide…..live……or……
 
©Jan. 4 2020
Picture is my own