Teenager Girl vs Menopausal Woman (It is not a fight)

Damn not entirely sure which is worse:
Being a teenager with PMS or a woman with Menopausal Emotion Wave.
At least with PMS there was a designated time.
You could count on a calendar and have an aha moment.
Not with MEW.
As I write this it is 6:37 a.m.
I have been up for an hour and a half.
In this time period:
-felt happy
-felt pain (shoulder)
-felt energetic striped bed and did laundry.
-went in and woke T up for a hug.
Just so one knows he has been awake his dad picks him up at 7.
-cried some more
-admitted to being lonely to a friend
-feeling sexual
-feeling pretty
-felt old
-feeling stupid for feeling lonely
-decided to write about it because it may seem embarrassing but hey it is also funny.
I am teenager again in reverse.
Which might explain the few zits that have cropped up of late.
With the chocolate I eat well…..
Weight gain.
I lost weight as a teen.
Now I am putting it on.
Calmer. More accepting.
I was volatile and angry as a teenager.
I know the reason now but still…..
Man Crazy.
Boy Crazy.
Not so much so I spent my high school years in a relationship.
PMS has morphed into MEW.
Also the pain in my shoulder is better and not better at same time.
I have so much better movement and most of the knots have been loosened .
But for the one that was really deep on the right side.
It is moving now.
And while I have a really high threshold for pain this pain has made me cry more than once.
I know what it is.
I know how to deal with it.
This is my fault.
What I cannot do is take anything stronger than Motrin.
I have waivered a couple of times.
When the pain is overwhelming.
And each time I have shot it down with a hard no.
But that is to give you an idea of the pain level I have reached.
Here comes another wave of tears.
Forgetting is wonderful.
I lose my train of thought in the middle of conversations.
All of a sudden I stop talking or something interrupts me and gone.
I am no longer embarrassed to say to whomever I am speaking with I’m sorry I lost my train of thought. What was I saying? or What were we talking about again?
My girl squad is awesome.
As a teen and now as an adult.
It dawns on (like right now) that marriage and babies start between 25-40.
Friends become partners and then parents.
Time dwindles as school/activities and appointments take over.
Now though most of us our kids are either graduating/teenagers or leading up to tweendom.
Save for one who is pregnant again. And excited.
This is her second marriage. Her husband and children from previous marriage are beyond the moon.
But I digress.
Now we have more time .
Now we are able to relax more.
Now we are able to just be.
No kids to yell at.
No kids yelling at you.
No kids period lol.
Without this girl crew I would be lost.
They are my touchstones.
And last but not least as a certain aged woman I can be friends with a man.
No one is looking at us weirdly.
No one expects anything.
We are friends.
He is my support.
He is my cheerleader.
He is the one who knows what I am like and makes sure I do things like eat.
Take rests.
Not overwork the shoulder.
We have been friends for nigh on a year and I do not know what I would do without him in my life.
I call him Papa Bear.
LOL T thinks that is weird but that is ok it is not his nickname.
One vast difference between teenage hormones and menopausal hormones:
as a teenager they are in excess
as a menopausal woman they are lacking.
And with that lack come the flashes of heat.
And the sweats of the night.
Night Sweats vs Hot Flashes:
Night sweats are horrific.
I wake up soaked and clammy cold.
I got up this morning and my hair was a rat’s nest.
It tried to eat my brush.
I stripped the bed and am washing the sheets.
It is gross.
There is no way to get comfortable and for some bizarre reason despite my body having so much heat I am now swimming in my bed and yet at the same time I am frozen.
I woke up this morning in a tight fetal ball trying to get warm while everything else was wet.
Hot Flashes:
These I can feel coming on.
There is a general sudden warming of my body.
If I am quick and get the sweater of at work it will not be horrendous.
If I am unable to get the sweater of within two minutes I am flushed pink and sweating like crazy.
Wipe my forehead comes away wet.
I can feel it creeping down my body.
Lasts between two to five minutes maybe.
Not long.
And when over damn if I am not freezing again.
There is one aspect of menopause not shared with being a teenager.
Sudden growth of hair.
Below the chin.
Thank goodness for masks.
I will leave you with a dream I had not that long ago.
I really did not realize the import of that at the time but I remembered it.
Most likely because of how horrified I was in the dream.
In the dream I removed my mask and looked into the mirror.
And gasping in disgust.
I had grown multiple long black witch type hairs growing from my chin.
Needless to say when I got up in the morning I was chin first into the mirror making sure that in fact it had only been a dream.
©Jan. 13/21
Picture via Pinterest

Week at a Glance

I must apologize the well has run dry.
What I have here is just a general recap of my week.
And the zany and bizarre that have crossed/entered my orbit.
This is my week with T.
Who is not very happy that mom suddenly is expecting more from him.
More chores done.
More stepping up and if supper is not started (and I don’t expect him to go that far…..yet) at least take the meat out of the freezer.
T: Mom do we really need to have meat? I could just make a pack of rice.
I am loving loving loving what I am now doing at work.
I have sore legs.
Sore thighs.
Sore arms.
Am tired when I get home from work.
In a really good way.
In the last two days (Wed & Thur) I walked 19 km.
19 km.
I have also been asked more than once if I am still enjoying what I am doing.
Me: If we lived in a city where personal shoppers were a thing. That is absolutely what I would be doing. I love the idea of shopping for others.
Embarrassed T this week.
It was just the two of us.
I understand that there are those who are going to raise an eyebrow…..I was laughing so hard I was crying.
Discussion on puberty (not even sure how it started)
Me: So do you have armpit hair yet?
T (scandalized): No and I would not tell you.
Me: What about your dad?
T: Only if he is dead drunk. Otherwise he will tell Papa and grandma and they will tease me.
Me: What about your first pubic hair? Are you going to tell him then?
T: Mom no. I am not telling either of you. You would do something I know it.
Me: Oh so no throwing a party when you get one? A cake in the shape with a single candle? You would not like that? I swear it would just be us I would not tell anyone. 
Other than everyone on my blog who is reading this.
T: Well if we are doing that than of course I want J here.
I understand the hilarity does not come through it was probably one of those had to be there situations but it was priceless.
T (a little after above conversation): Does this mean I am not getting any cake mom? ‘Cause now I would really like cake.
And not to brag or nothing but 146 days sober.
And believe it or not I am not missing it.
Do not miss the fuzzy hungover feeling.
Do not miss the taking three days to recover.
Do not miss the lack of money which I faced due to drinking.
It has been a change.
And I can hardly believe that it has been nearly 5 months.
I did grab a 6 of Pepsi yesterday.
I had cut out drinking pop awhile back.
I needed something though.
A little more than water.
Came home.
Arm load of groceries.
Ex waiting for car.
Could not (the ex) figure out why I parked in the parking lot instead of pulling up in front of my door.
I could not comprehend what he was talking about.
The connection was not made lol
I admit my brain was foggy.
Nagged at T about chores not being done.
Put ice in a tall glass.
Poured the Pepsi over listening to the ice pop and the crinkle of the glass filling up.
Sat down.
Took a long sip.
Without alcohol.
Bedtime the last couple of nights has been at a really early time.
Wednesday night I made it to just after 9.
Thursday night I barely made 8:30.
Was falling asleep on the couch so I went to bed.
T to be in bed lights out at 10.
I woke up to go to bathroom and T’s lights are still on.
T.V. going.
Poke my head into his room.
Me: That’s it T t.v. off and lights out. I am not impressed.
(I was right groggy in defense)
T: Why?
Me: Because it is bedtime!
T: Mom it is not even 10 yet.
Leaned in and peered at the clock on the stove (no glasses on) and it was only 9:48.
There is a demented girl/woman strolling my brain.
She has appeared briefly in my last few poems.
Subtle really.
But she is there.
I am not quite sure where we are going.
She has something to tell me but right now she is getting settled.
Taking over a part of my mind.
So whether a poem or a tale to be told am not sure.
That’s all folks for now.
I really am hoping that Demented is going to start talking soon as she is crowding out everything else.
Have a fabulous Friday folks.
And a wonderful weekend.
©Dec. 11/20
Picture is my own