He Ain’t No Cupid

T arrived home from his dad last night and we had our evening chat.
Or rather he follows me and talks.
And talks.
And talks.
Last night was no exception.
We were discussing his father and summer.
Which is when I discover that the man has broken up with girlfriend number 6 or 7 because while he liked her a great deal she had the audacity to fall in love with him.
Poor woman.
Also the third in 6 months that he has attempted to make my friend.
As though I have problem making my own friends.
But I digress.
This is an ongoing theme with him and I really wish he would either stop dating until he gets his shit together or quit bringing them home to T.
In the 6 years that we have been apart the man has to count his women on two hands.
And those are the ones that I know of.
T: Mom I so learned one thing from this love lesson of dad’s.
Me: Which is what?
T: Do not go to dad for relationship advice.
I rolled.
I howled.
I laughed so hard.
We then segued into some conversation that ended up with my crying.
I was laughing so hard.
T was hanging onto the counter.
I was laying in bed and I thought that I heard humming.
I listened a little more and realized that it is the same tune that I hum when I bored.
Now I have not hummed in a long long time.
Usually only  when there is no music and I always have music.
Finally realized that it was T.
Me: T are you humming?
T: Huh?
Me: Humming? Are you?
T: Yeah why?
Me: Where did you hear that tune?
T:  I don’t know I just hum it.
Me That is the same tune that I hum.
T: I stole it from your thoughts.
Lately I have been seeing shadows.
As though someone is leaning against the kitchen counter looking into my room.
Leaning against the door.
Running along the floor.
Not in the creepy upside down scuttling like a possessed person more like a little kid zooming out of the corner of my eye.
It is actually Loki in that one before you start calling for priests.
While I know that they are shadows I will admit my heart has stopped on more than one occasion when I have seen them.
You know those tube mascot type men?
inflatable
Now picture my beast of a child standing next to my bed…..
in shadows…..
knees bent in the Zyborg fashion and he starts waving his arms and bending.
Me: What are you doing? Stop it!
T: This is how I steal your thoughts.
Me: What the hell! T stop it.
(I am now giggling)
T continues to wave his arms and torso about.
T: Stealing your thoughts.
Me (laughing): Seriously do not do that! If you do be prepared that I will throw things at you.
T: Steeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaling your thoughts……..
He left my room and went in to finish making his mac and cheese.
At 10 p.m.
I lay in bed chortling away when T starts telling me I can clean the kitchen up in the morning.
I chuffed at that one and told him to clean it up now.
He was not impressed but he did it.
Although I laughed even harder when I heard:
T: Well that so was not helpful.
Me: OMG you are me.
T: What do you mean?
Me:  What did you do?
T: Turned the light off instead of the fan.
Me: LOL I say that all the time.
And I do.
To myself only.
Finally we are both settled.
I am still chuckling to myself when mom mode comes to the fore.
Me: Hey did you turn the stove off?
T: Huh?
Me: Did you turn the stove off?
T: Did I turn the snow off?
Me: Stove! Did you turn the stove off?
T: Of course I did.
Still laughing I got up and went into his room.
I performed The Tube Man dance which he was not impressed about.
I got the little hand motion indicating move from my space now.
I chortled.
Gonna say there is nothing better than crying yourself to sleep.
From laughter.
I did ask T if his friends had as much fun as we did.
Did they laugh as much with their parents?
T told me he does not tell anyone about our conversations because no one would believe him.
©June 17//21
Picture via Pinterest

Covid Funnies

This week I had two Covid instances that killed me.
I mean one I could not laugh until the customer had walked away.
The other occurred during T’s Covid Shot.
Did I forget to mention that he had his first shot on Thursday?
Like a trooper.
No arm pain.
Feeling terrific.
21 more days and he can get dose #2.
Here is hoping we are both fully vaccinated before the end of June.
Incident #1
I am called to Customer Service to help a customer.
He had not read the sticker properly and thought a $23 package of bacon was on for $9.99.
Now while there have been seriously good sales like that not on this bacon that is for sure.
Sale price was $19.99 for almost 4lbs of thick sliced bacon.
I return the bacon as it had not yet left the store and need to get some information from the customer.
Me: May I have your name please?
Customer: What do you need my name for? I am fully vaccinated!
Me: Sir this has absolutely nothing to do with Covid and everything to do with the fact that we are returning product. (I am pretty proud the response rolled of my tongue before I could get the ‘did I just hear that stupid shit come out of your mouth?’ 🙄🙄😖😖look on my face)
Customer: W. Prquestinl
All fired at me in quick succession knowing I would not catch it.
Whatever.
Me: Thank you sir you have a wonderful day. 😀
I am still trying to fathom how the customer equated returning a product and needing to provide information with needing to tell me he was fully vaccinated.
I was not taking down his info as a close contact lol
Oh that some people give themselves such importance.
On Thursday we go for T’s shot.
We are sitting waiting for the nurses to get to us and T is getting a bit nervous.
They arrive and the nurse asks for the consent form.
Hand it over and she begins the questions.
Nurse: Can you tell me your name?
T: Tember
Nurse: And your last name?
T: Doerksen
Nurse: Can you tell me your full birth date?
T: Tember O’Donnel Ernest Doerksen😂😂😂😂
Nurse: ?
Me (snorting): Your birthday buddy.
T: Oh Aug. 7.
Nurse: And year?
T: 2008.
I am sitting in my corner giggling.🤣🤣🤣
T looks over and I brush his hair out of his eyes.
Me: Buddy that was like me and the guy on the phone.
T: Well yours was more embarrassing. Telling someone you had your name for 48 years and liked it just fine. 😝😝😝
Me: He doesn’t know me it was not embarrassing it was hilarious.
We both laughed.
I mean we all know that T and me and two peas but omg to have a similar mishearing and answering about our names.
He is at his dad’s this weekend.
It is going to 34 or something before you factor in the humidex.
I plan to spend the day in and out of the sun.🌞🌞
But spent outdoors.🏝🏝
Reading and listening to music.🎧📗📗
I have a bonus Saturday off and I am going to take it fully as a lazy hazy day.👙👙
OMG😜😜😜
I almost forgot about the penis drawing in health class.
The teacher took all the pictures and informed the class he would be turning them into the art teacher for extra credit or something?
IDK 🤷🤷🤷but when I have the info I will let y’all know
©June 5/21
Picture is my own