I am a Weeper

I’m a weeper.
Anyone who knows me in person has seen me weep and those of you on my blog have read many a post about my weeping.
There is a difference between weeping and crying.
Weeping: tending or liable to cry; given to crying.
Crying: demanding attention or remedy; critical; severe:
That is the definitions I found.
With weeping it is the third definition as the other two mention crying.
With crying I went with the first definition.
Odd how the definition of crying does not mention tears at all.
Never mind the menopausal issues arising I still am in sync with a close work partner and mirror her PMS.
Last Saturday I was so bitchy when I it dawned on me and I shot off a text that only other women will truly understand:
Me: Did you get your period yet?
Response: Yeah last night only thing is the raging PMS today.
Me: Me too thank you now I get why I am feeling like this.
When I was PMS’ing or PostMS’ing  I wept.
Watching t.v
Talking to just about anyone.
When I began my drift into menopause I realize that I did not weep as much.
Now though as I begin to steamroll my way into menopause I find that I am becoming a weeper again.
I mentioned in one of my Covid posts that I am restricted from looking at the obituaries because I was weeping when I discovered that another customer had passed away.
It is hard.
So many of my seniors no longer come in.
Those who still do I want to hug.
One of my regulars her husband passed away and I had ‘known’ them for 20 years.
I stood and talked with her (weeping) and I wanted to give her a hug so badly but we were on the floor and other customers around.
I love giving hugs.
Hugs are all encompassing.
Hugs make the person know the words you cannot speak.
With hugs I weep.
I feel the person’s emotions and try to draw them away.
Not intentionally but it happens.
I just want them to feel better.
So I weep.
Maybe the weeping is my way of shedding the emotions I am syphoning from others.
The whole start to this was to discuss my growth or what I have viewed as growth.
Instead I meander all over the place about my weeping and empathy.
Yesterday at work I discovered that a friend had been going to school for the last year.
It hurt that I found out from my supervisor and not her but I will get over it.
She did not slight me or neglect to tell me first.
Her own husband told her she was such a jerk not to have told me first.
Was she worried about how I might react?
Subconsciously maybe she did not want to tell me because it made it real?
That she might leave.
Last evening she messaged me about a regular customer who had been wearing masks and then decided not to.
She had just seen him in Wal-mart wearing a mask!
I lol’d and said yeah I had seen him in the store wearing a mask too.
We both wondered what happened.
Did someone talk to him?
Did he receive a fine?
Did he lose his job?
This man was belligerent about wearing the mask.
Stomping through the store and pulling on his mask whining and crying about it.
While 3, 4 and 5 year olds are all around him wearing masks and watching him wondering why he is being a big baby.
That is an aside and meander.
I asked her wtf not telling me she was going to school?
And I did type it as wtf not all spelt out for that would be rude.
Which is when we had that conversation about her being a jerk.
And I told her that she is not a jerk and that I was very happy for her.
She is a friend and if this is something that she has always been interested in she needs to give it a try.
That I support her 100%.
As I wrote those words and as I write them now I am weeping.
I am happy for her.
The sadness I feel is for myself.
For knowing that she will move on and not be there as often.
But as with others in my life this is a cycle.
People come.
People leave.
The situations and the lessons you learned from them may not be apparent but eventually they will.
My co-worker and I started at the same time.
She went on extended Mat leave.
As the lead I re-hired her and promoted her to supervisor.
She was the one who found me in the cash office and went to the hospital with me.
She saved my life that night and I have never told her.
It is going to be hard to let go of her.
She means a lot and we laugh our butts off when we work together.
But I cannot hold her back.
It is my turn to give her strength and courage to go forward.
Like she did for me.
Maybe this post isn’t really about weeping.
Maybe it is more about people who come into your life and leave after they have taught you something.
There is always that main core group of friends in one’s life.
There are always the fringe friends.
And within that orbit move the people who are meant to push you along to another path/level.
We never realize it until after.
I am lucky in that I have warning that she may be leaving.
Okay that she is going to leave.
But without her I would not be the person that I am today.
And I will miss her like hell.
And I am weeping.
©April 8/21
Picture is my own

Two Witches and a Goof

Today has been one of those days.
I have been in a great mood all day long.
Pain level was down to about 2.
I took Motrin before work and put my cream on arm.
Worked really hard  to use the right arm as little as possible but after I was done finishing my curbside orders off I went to face the shelves and as I cannot leave a mess I end up tiding the shelves as well.
Plus jumping into till to help with line ups.
And covering my supervisor’s breaks.
At present our weekly special for Air Miles is spend $150 on gift card get 100 bonus Air Miles points.
I get called to Customer Service while K is on her lunch.
I come up to find a lady.
M: Hi how can I help you.
Customer: I came in today to pick up only a couple of items but saw in the flyer about spending $150 get $100.
I shop here all the time.
And I spent over $150 more like $160.
And then I get to the till and they tell me at the end that it was for the gift card.
Can we return order and get gift card?
Me: I would have to return everything first sell you the gift card and then re-ring everything back through the till. That is what you would like me to do?
Customer: Oh you cannot just do something on the till?
Me: No I am sorry I would have to return everything.
Customer: My husband already took the groceries out and is unloading them.
Me: I’m sorry.
Me in my head: How is it my fault you cannot read? You made an assumption and did not fully read the flyer where it talks about the gift cards.
Customer leaves.
We sell lotto tickets.
Thing is with Covid right now we cannot have pens available for our customers nor can we lend ours.
We would be sanitizing our pens constantly.
We also ask customers to only bring up their winning tickets.
We have had a sign up since the beginning a full year about only bringing winning tickets and having them signed.
Lady standing there with lotto tickets.
Me: Hi how can I help you?
Lady: Check my tickets.
Me: And they are all winners?
Lady: A couple of them are.
Me: I am sorry ma’am you are going to have to check them. I can only take the winners.
Lady: I don’t have time for your silly games.
Grabs the tickets and storms off.
Nothing has changed and obviously she has gone through this before because she said ‘everyone else does it’ as she stomps off.
Not at our store it doesn’t.
Not only that but K asked our lotto rep when they called and everyone else is not doing it.
Everyone should be only taking the winning tickets.
Not rocket science but…..
Last but not least the phone is ringing and no one is able to answer so I go flying down to Customer Service.
Answer the phone and do my thing.
The gentleman on the other end of the phone informed me that he had a deaf person on the line and he would be typing our responses.
Okee Dokee.
He asks me how I like my name.
I tell him I have had it for 48 years pretty attached to it.
He then says once more…..
And how do you write your name?
Who asks how you write your name?
Spell yes?
Write no.
After I was done on the phone I told K what had happened.
What I had said.
And I am laughing as I tell her.
She asked if I had really said that.
I said yes I honestly heard the guy ask me how I liked my name.
We were both laughing we were nearly crying.
Could not stand upright that is how hard we laughed.
And you notice the one thing that I am ending with is the fun one.
Every time I told the story at work I was laughing so hard by the end that the person I was telling was laughing too.
Guys think of it a little differently I think.
They had to think about it before I got a he ha.
But I got one.
I could have let those two put a damper on my day.
But I do not want to do that any more.
I want to focus on the good and try to be tolerant of the bad.
I will not lie I may whine or bitch a bit okay a lot when irritated but I am doing my  best to see the good within the bad.
©March 24/21
Picture is my own