Heartless Love

Nuanced
the words we speak
the dance we flow through
shades of emotions
that tumble about.
Delicate
this thread that binds
steel wrapped in velvet
so that the chains
chafe not our skin.
Afraid
unwilling to surrender
these contested wills
bruised eyes flashing
as once more we attack.
Vicious
words that sting
barbs that hook and tear
flesh torn asunder
wounds never stitched
left gaping
breathless gasps
as we lay panting.
Thieves of love
honor and faith
a warped notion of pleasure
pain that sticks
never ending
a cycle of disrepute.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 17/18
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Contradiction

Haunted kisses
moonlit eyes of wonder
trembling caresses
a virgin ripe for the taking.
Offered to the gods
forsaken by her people
left to wander lifeless vistas
as though she is the criminal
the one found to be lacking.
Terror and delight
should not,
could not
co-exist together
in one person
at all times.
But that is what she does.
A contradiction
from every angle
to becoming
every man’s angel.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 16/18

Caring and Tender

Dearly beloved
all gathered here today
to watch as we enshrine this heart
to wrench free the source of caring
of love and pain
and bind it within a jeweled cask
so nevermore can it offend.
Find not the sorrow that awakens
as in the dawn we chant
spells of change and reclaimation
ensuring that this heart
is chained and wrapped so tight
so as not to have a chance to be free.
See not the anger and hatred
that consume this life
that make me such a bitch
only mark the time that passes
life hardened and incomplete.
It is with great sadness that we renounce your claim
this heart will become the companion to all
forever more shall you walk
in bleakness and disrepair
while we huger for that force.
The force to feed the whole of humanity
the force to become the warrior
the force that is going to make it all right
grown within the heart you catupulted from your chest.
Caring and tender
the emotions you bear
turned out to all who claim
while you lay barren upon the sands of time
a murder overhead,
watching your bones become bleached in the sun.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
December 21/17

Colorless

They are all jumbled in there,
these mad emotions
defining my existence
from birth to death,
and all the years in between.
As a child I danced with butterflies
lived as elves did
in cities hidden within the treetops
where no harm could befall me.
As a teen I rode the tempest,
with lightening crashing
and thunder roaring,
becoming lost and broken
building a wall brick by brick
so none may hurt me.
In the first blush of adulthood
the dreams and wishes
still so poignant
and within reach.
Willing my heart to heal.
Willing to learn to love again.
Sands pass slowly through the hourglass
each second a million years of mine
as I live each possible life,
each possible love,
each possible fear.
I have cried and shrieked.
I have loved and laughed.
I have held death in the palm of my hand
only to become cradled in his arms.
Torn apart by mad love
Repaired by gentle love
Insanity breeding in my veins
sanity bleeding into my dreams.
Mad emotions
jumbled here and there
woven within the fabric of my being,
without them I would be colorless.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
December 16/17

I am…..

Standing upon the plains of desolation
tears streak upon my cheeks.
The growling wind
a tempest
trying to defeat me.
Within my breast a demon rises,
fingers pointed in contempt.
I know what you have done,
I know what you hide,
I will make you lose your mind.
Lightening dances from my fingertips
shattering peace accords,
blazing across the sky
electrifying the sinner
as I see thee.
I am Envy.
I am Rage.
I am Hatred.
I am Disgust.
I am Revenge.
I am the little child hidden in the corner
who’s mind is twisted and torn.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
December 14/17

Where oh Where?

Tonight was our Christmas staff party. I got dressed up. Turns out I clean up pretty well.  The party was amazing. Everyone who is part of the social club are eligible to come with a plus one. Dinner is free and everyone leaves with a gift. This is a time for everyone to get together without the social confines of labels, we are a group of people meeting and having a meal together, laughing and seeing one another outside of the business that we are in. A chance to see others in a personal setting, non-work related. You often learn some interesting things.
I wrote a poem about our boss. I am a fast walker. Like fast. No one can out run me except for our boss. The following is the poem that I wrote and presented tonight:
Where oh Where?
where oh where could our boss be?
is he here?
is he there?
Damn it he could be anywhere.
First down in grocery
than off to File
Check in on the Front
Dash by bakery
onto meats
ah shit I’ve  missed him again.
moving with lightening speed
it is so hard to keep up
searching the aisles one by one
we’ve turned it into a game
that absolutely no one has won.
Now, let us examine me. I am gregarious, I am forthcoming, I talk to people for 40 hours a week, as part of my career. Put me in front of a group of people and well I freeze. My anxiety ramps right up. I was at Auntie K’s when it first started. I could feel my heart racing. I was jittery. At the party, I kept bouncing my toes off of Auntie K’s, thank goodness that she likes to play footsie. And as it was the Christmas party I had a wine to help me. Yes, I know that it is wrong, I used alcohol to give me courage, but I did not over do it.
My boss was concerned for me. He asked me several times tonight if I had in fact stopped drinking. I informed him that I had, but it was also a special occassion so I had had a glass or two. Also as I was winging my way through my speech I admitted that when one is asked to present the boss with the Christmas present that usually they have super nice things to say. But that type of stuff makes me uncomfortable. At the end of it, he told me I had done a good job. He also asked me to forward the poem to him. I was beaming .
And than the gifts began to be dispersed. I really wanted the Amazon Gift Card. I won the Large Hurricane Candle holders. Nice but not sure where I am going to put them.
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 I suppose despite the fact I laid myself open in front of so many of my co-workers by reading a poem I had written, it was well recieved. And they laughed where they were suppose to laugh.
Gotta admit I am kinda proud of myself right now.

Fiend

Becalmed,
upon the river of my life
snakes and demons to either side.
Flames roar and sputter
dancing upon the water
as shadows reach down from the sky.
Gossamer strands of debauchery
pulling at my soul;
my heart yearning
to let go…..
yet stubbornly I hang on.
Angels weep,
their tears a salve to my scars.
Demons screech
claws extended, slashing
emboldened by my fear,
my anger,
my hatred.
Within me black ink flows,
not blood
but an evil so deep
that the demons call me
by name.
I have tried to turn away,
to escape my heritage
but never can truth be denied.
Where evil blooms
I shall appear,
a devil in a woman’s disguise.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Dec. 7/17