Untitled Poem #3

***Please note this is not indicative of how I am feeling/going through.***
Jibber
Jabber
voices in my head
calling
screaming
flames flare
scorching
am I finally dead?
Wafting
fleeing
hiding
pain
so much pain
head pounding
bloody
I opened a vein.
Crimson spray
paint the walls
maroon
warmth slowly fades.
Slowly
ever so slowly
I slide down the wall
life ebbing away.
Tears
slow warmth
glides over softened cheeks
staring
eyes glazed
darkness encroaching
midnight hour comes…..
goes….
I am so lost.
December 11/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017
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Decision

Memories
flood
all I have left
better times
not laced with tears
fears
deception.
I still want you.
I miss you.
I know my worth.
Yet you…
you bring me to my knees.
I would do anything
to feel your lips
your arms
your body pressed to mine.
Friends
stare
incredulous
what the hell?
How can I forget?
How can I not know myself?
Taken by the shoulders
shaken
slap me upside the head
voices battering….
me?
Shutting down.
Wrapped in the corner
arms around
face shuttered
hidden
black shadows dancing
howling
let me hide under the bed.
I want to be.
I want to live.
I want to decide
Do I live?
Do I die?
How do I make this hurt disappear?
Stepping back
find the boundary
set the stakes
you want me
come
crawl
beg
still not sure I should not forgive.
I need to think
I need to decide
another chance
or do I say good-bye?
December 6/18
Picture is my own taken Summer of 2017

Beast

Words.
Spoken.
Violent
vicious
inane
hurtful
slash my soul.
Are you looking to get out tonight?
I see you
see me
see that fucking reality?
You care not.
Believing
I will always crawl back.
I will not.
My tears
rubbed clear
you hate me
so it seems
when you look the other way.
Anger you feel?
Rage sears my thoughts.
I am better than she.
Fuck me.
Fuck her.
Fuck you.
Started from the bottom
flipping the finger
all came here.
Follow the flagstones
dripping droplets
liquid
crimson
shoulders shrugged
who understands
which one
which is it
which
path am I to follow?
Give
take
watch out baby
you
me
truth
love
we see….
does not matter.
Voices
unrepentant
unresponsive
all I know.
I make you….
feel
hurt
ache
make….
omg
what do I do?
How do I fake
feelings?
Love.
Desire.
Hate.
I hear the words.
I see the truth.
I feel the pain.
Tongue torn loose
words swallowed
I will not become that beast.
December 7/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Always You (Love Poem)

Standing along the shore line
tiny wavelets licking my toes
mauve
purple
golden
the sunset.
I see you in the distance
walking towards
my heart skips a beat
as I know
I will be in your arms tonight.
promoting me
encouraging me
helping me
to be the best woman
the one you know exists
beneath the bluster
fear
and pain.
Loving
trusting
desiring
lost within your eyes.
You are my first thought
my last thought
every thought in between.
When good things happen
you are the first to hear.
When bad things happen
you are the first to know.
Love walked in
slamming that door open
banging it against the wall
at a time when
I was so sure I was broken.
So many times
so many chances
fate keeps getting in the way.
I run to you
water splashing
caring not as I get soaked to the skin.
You gather me
picking me up
as we do a silent dance.
Within your arms there is hope.
Within your heart there is love.
Within our future
a story to be built.
Always you.
Forever.
Eternal.
A flame burning bright.
Always it will be you.
December 5/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

The Factory

Hear me 
young and old
this is a precautionary tale
of why one should listen
read
acknowledge
signs indicating radioactive material.
Little Lance was an adventurer.
He slayed dragons.
He climbed bean stalks.
He swam the warm waters of the Caribbean
with Green Teeth Pirate King.
As he grew
Little Lance
morphed into Big Lance.
He never lost his sense of fun
adventure
or imagination.
The abandoned factory
settled into the ground
an odd piece of mystery
set no where
was a no go zone.
Children are warned to stay away
but all children become teenagers.
Teenagers 
well they ain’t that smart.
Their brains have ceased to fire
only a small portion active….
usually the stupid one.
Big Lance was dared one day
to enter
where no one else had gone….
The Factory.
Standing before
Big Lance gazed around
wondering where he should go first.
He wandered here.
He wandered there.
Stymied by locks
boarded windows
shuttered doors
Big Lance began to worry.
Slowly
the reality began to dawn on him.
He began to backpedal
when he tripped
fell over…..
The windows
(eyes)
opened
flamed red.
The doors
(mouth)
yawned
slime dripping from jagged
ragged teeth.
Big Lance disappeared
(sacrificed)
into
The Factory that day.
December 2/18
Photo by Yonghyun Lee on Unsplash

Bruised

**Adult Subject Matter. Not indicative of anything I am going through right now.***
Bruised.
Molted yellow
garish brown
had to tell others
it was okay
I was fine.
Lied. 
Said I tripped on the stairs
cannot see at night
walked into that door
am a klutz
of the third degree.
No abuse here officer….
please leave.
Bleeding lip
eyes shaded with sadness
no escape
his way
or
no way.
I feel it.
His fist smashes
breaking cheek
nose
teeth shattering
moaning
pain engulfing.
Awaken.
Held in his arms
scalding tears
waterfall
scorching my skin.
He promises this is the last time..
I know the truth.
He will kill me.
November 24/18

No F**KS (Or Prince Charming is Missing)

Broken
standing upon shifting sands
crystal tears
soaked within the parched ground
while I try….
try so hard
to figure out
understand
what I did
to get fucked like this?
Forever
it seems to me
that one iota of happiness
must be torn away
that I am not allowed
to have good things
happen in my life.
I want love.
I want home.
I want a man who
understands
supports
is proud of me.
My Prince Charming
I am pretty sure he is dead
ain’t no man
riding to my rescue
ready to climb my hair.
No one who wants to break bricks
chisel at the mortar
it is time for me to ascertain
that I am the problem
not the solution.
Too needy.
Too clingy.
Too loving…..
too much for so many people.
If you find my Prince Charming
should he ask for directions to my house
please point him
away from me
cause I can no longer give a fuck.
November 20/18