She’s a little pushy

This is going to be a wee bit of a brag.

T has informed me that the time has come for me to move beyond my poetry to short stories. He would like to see me stories like his. The Adventures of Pickle. Kids book he has created.

I have been mulling over an idea or what I thought the idea was going to be. Last night I grabbed my notebook and opened up a new page in Evernote Notebook Fiction. I wrote for an hour. At times my fingers flew across the keyboard as my character began to take shape. Imagine my surprise when my main character morphed from male to female and the male lead is becoming a secondary character.

I wrote 1249 words last night.

I could have continued writing but than I would only be going to bed now. I have not written a short story since the early 2000’s. I am so excited and even now she is hovering at the edge of my conscious poking me as though saying ‘Hey Jay what are you doing? I am here, c’mon let’s get going I have so much to tell you.”



Thank You

I started this blog just over a year ago.
As of today Monday Feb. 27th I reached a milestone. I have 250 followers on my blog.
I want to say thank you to everyone. And I am beyond humbled that my words are being read by people I have never met. That I can entertain you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. đź’—đź’—

The Voices Within

***Picture via Pintrest***

With tongue laced in acid

words drip venom down my chest

held deep within your binding spell

unable to tear myself away.

You rip me apart

words laden with bile and hatred

etching everlasting the loathing

that I carry within myself.

Voices dripping with disdain

a roar within my brain

ripping and tearing

the fragile fabric of ego

causing me to crumple in pain.

I raise my head

tears fleeing down my cheeks

defiant in the face of your abuse

pummelled by your voice no more.


©Jay-lyn Doerksen

September 16/17


**Picture courtesy of Pintrest

No it is what I have to do.

I am crazy here.

Acting crazy.

This is just no good.

I need to detox my brain of him.

Staring at the phone

willing it to ring…..

oh wait, it is 2017

waiting for a text.

Watching out the window

willing him by…..

that is right

dating is no more.

Staring at the door

willing it to open….

ah shit

I must have missed.

I am crazy,

insane with his touch

melancholy for his thoughts

desirous of his deeds.

No it is what I have to do.

I am crazy here.

Acting crazy.

This is just no good.

I need to detox my brain of him.

Saying good bye

tear after tear

ripping each head from view

a thousand pictures here.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

September 5/17


When I…..

***Photo is mine taken at Matlock Beach, Manitoba Canada August 29/17. Before Sunrise***

When I fall in love,

I am not asking for

nor desiring

sweet nothings

or flowers and candy.

When I fall in love

I ask that you understand

that sometimes this darkness eclipses

that on occasion the rage is unexpected

that I am not always the me

that you love.

Can you love the woman I turn into?

Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

I will warp from sunshine and laughter

to anger and despair

will you still stay near?

Wrap me in your arms

hold me safe

soothe the fears and tears

and understand to the best of your ability.

When I fall in love…….

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

August 31/17





*Photo is mine taken today.

​I watched the sunrise today

with silent tears on my cheeks

not from sadness you see

but for all the opportunities.

How many sunrises have I missed?

Because of time needed elsewhere

of responsibility and

well, just life.

I am also crying tears-

Tears for the girl I was,

for the woman I thought I would be.

Tears for the woman I became

and tears for the woman I am becoming.

Tears of sadness,


and welcoming.

Tears that cleanse my heart

and my soul

allowing me to embrace

all my opportunities.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

 August 29/17

Birthday Eve

Today is August 28th. In slightly more than 24 hours I will be 45 years old. I did not actually arrive in the world until 8:20 p.m. so am not “really” 45 ’til than. 

I am looking forward to turning 45. I am not the same woman I was when I turned 44 last year. I am by far a much better and stronger version of her. I have taken my life and where I could have continued along the path of destruction I was on I changed. Slowly at first. But as the changes became good changes, as my outlook and feelings became harmonized and less disjointed I welcomed the changes.

I have documented my cycle of depression and how I had to claw my way back. I have an amazing support group who have been with me since I started on the new journey to me.

A journey that has seen me rise high enough to realize I was in an unhappy marriage and find the strength to leave. To my mistakenly believing all my problems were solved by the dissolution of my marriage and I went off my meds. I began to rely on alcohol to get me through the days. 

My crash, which scared me so badly because I had allowed myself to be tricked into believing I was okay. Our brains are wicked when presenting one with deceptive illusions.

Even after I resumed taking my meds I still continued to self-medicate with alcohol. Finally July 1st I decided to stop. I went six weeks without drinking. And when I did, I woke the next morning disappointed in myself. 

I have had some again but there is a difference. One that I can see and feel. It is no longer a need. There is no desire to negate the feelings I did not want to face. 

So tomorrow I am turning 45. 

 I am eating better. I am sleeping better. I am exercising. I have quit drinking to self-medicate and find that I do not miss it. 

Best of all I am writing again. I am more secure in the voice I have. I am letting those wonderful words combine and emerge like a waterfall from my finger tips. I believe in magic again. 

At 45 I am beginning to emerge from the cocoon of the past. I can see my present but the future….that is a dream still waiting to be dreamed.