Until Only I Remain

*** I am alright. My creativity for poetry seems to have returned. These are again my ability to recall those dark days of depression.
Pieces of me
siphoned off
shorn off
leaving
patchwork quilt
scars
broken dreams
lost within
a brewing mimosa
despair
pain
screams of
why?
What did I do?
When does it end?
Where does it end?
Never
the vile voice whispers
I will always remind
pathetic
stupid
no one loves you
until there will be nothing
there will be no one…..
but me.
Your bully’s voice
bringing to fruition all I predicted.
Shuddering in defeat
curled inward
that voice
shouting
screaming
blocking out all others
until he is right
all are gone but his voice
beating at me over and over and over
from within my own mind.
©Sept. 20/22

Some Days

Are a little harder than others.

Today is one of those days.

Despite painting and having sat outside reading, the overwhelming sense of sadness has infused my being. I have spent a lot of time this evening crying.

About what? Who knows. In my head it could be one of a million things that in this state suddenly become so overblown. From turning 50 to the feeling that I let so many people down.

To feeling like I am just faking my way through things. That in truth I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. That I am just coasting along without any real purpose until I die.

And while 99.9% of the time I am good, today is the .01% that is kicking my ass.

Tomorrow will resume with my normal cheerful demeanor.

Aug. 14/22

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