My Titan

Shadows
creep
crawl
infest the corners
dancing under the sheets
pulling on my toes
nibbling on my finger tips.
Monster under the bed
hear him roar
distant rumble
build up of thunder
rolling across the midnight sky
roiling clouds
covered by darkness
he lurks
he hunts
he will come for you.
Creep creep
hear the floor creak
under the covers
tears stuttered
hand over mouth
please
oh please
go by my room.
I hear the snick of the door knob turn
fear
gathers
acid burning my throat
unable to scream
unable to run
I close my eyes
willing myself away from here.
Shush.
Fingers in my hair.
Shush.
My body tightens with fear.
Shush.
Tears gather
mouth opened in silent howl
someone
anyone
help me.
Shush.
Nearly disappeared.
Hidden
kept safe
ignorance
in this case is bliss.
Not a detriment.
Sudden silence
rending
devouring
slice his soul
suck it from his body
consume the ill death that he was
as I peek up.
You save me.
My Monster.
My Friend.
My Fiend.
No fear.
No fear.
Always with me.
©Sept. 9/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Word of the Day Challenge #56-Untitled Poem

Bruised
battered
staggering to my feet
the punches
they keep on coming
will they ever stop?
Haggard
face pinched
hair a tangled mess
eyes
blackened with lack of sleep
afraid of the dragons
nibbling at my mind
at my soul
nightmares ridden solely for my terror.
Black hole opening
stark nothingness
standing a the edge
staring down
stomach in a lurch.
I don’t want to jump.
I don’t want to die.
Drooling fiends at my back
edging closer
yipping
with carnivorous desire.
Certain
I will succumb
I will remain defeated
feast upon befouled emotions
gorging until satiated.
Deflated
I stumble backwards
lip crumbling beneath my feet…..
free falling
soaring through the air
caught within the current
buffeted
side to side
close my eyes
waiting for…..
gentle bump
set to my feet
open my eyes to….
golden sunrise
beauty in the sky
today I am the winner
today I am alive.
©Sept. 1/19
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge #53-Untitled Poem

Languid loneliness
stretching rays of sadness
crossing bleak landscape
shrouded with shadows
stumbling
numbed existence
will this ever end?
or am I to wander
aimlessly
fruitlessly
crossroad decisions
made in a thrice?
Beguiling mists of forgetfulness
maze of deceit
wandering befuddled
a wasteland
pockmarked visage
dangerous
take not my eyes from the truth.
Mirage built from sand
time malleable in the wilds
winds wicking away thoughts
before a chance is had to anchor.
Listless
deadened eyes scan the horizon
incapacitated
cut off from the emotions of my mind.
I become lost
tangled in the ribbons of weave
hung
center stage
for all to focus on.
Sadness
a midnight cloak
face inward
face outward
play time is here
come on
smile my dear.
©August 29/19
Picture via Pinterest

Just Me

I sat down with her
that voice in my head
a conversation we had to have
for it seemed
she was awakening
calling my name
freaking me out
truth be told
because she whispers in my ear:
‘You and you alone can guide your destiny’
I am the one in control.
I am the one who guides internal dialogue.
I am the one who can listen.
I am the one who can shut it down.
There is a twinge of fear though…..
The voices are back
filling my head
conversation over conversation
there is no freedom
zone in (too close shearing sceams)
zone out (blank and mindless smile)
all do I do not have to admit
the voices are mine.
I fear to delve too deep.
I fear what is coming to light.
Hold me close
dispel the shadow
still my tears
warm embrace
I fear I am going crazy.
As trite as it may seem
I gauge my sanity daily:
Am I normal today?
Am I not?
Is it a sad day?
Truth is addiction is my undoing.
That is why the voices have been so still
for liquid gold
soothes burning soul
quenching desire to hide
allowing hurts to subside
beneath a hazy ideal
I can be just who I am
no more
no less
just me.
©August 22/19
Picture is one of my own
Matlock Beach Manitoba 2017

Invisible

I want explain
to have you understand
the inner workings of my mind
the memories
the experiences
that have molded me into who I am.
A little girl
rolls into a young girl
folds into a teenager
accidental young adult
anger
pain
despair
ooze from my pores
swipe the bottle
hit the needle
slash the veins
anything at all
to keep these demons quiet.
Face pressed against the window
looking in
always in never out
turned away
slow realization 
you fancy my misery
my sorrow
breathing them in
fodder for your life.
I wish you could see yourself
as I do
bloated vampire
feeding on the blackened emotions
of those who surround you
suffering in silence
as you destroy each and everyone
floating before the greed
the hoard…..
Bronze prison
lower my head
caught 
sincerely lost
a pawn 
in your chess game.
©August 15/19
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge #49-Untitled Poem

***Please note this is not indicative of how I feel at this time.****

Lone single tear
sidles down the side of my nose
slips the curve of my chin
drips to the table before me.
Never looking up
never seeing the pity
a yawning blackness
falling into it headfirst
never ending nullifying bliss.
Chiseled granite
cracked smile on lips
oozing through
sadness
pain
anguish
held tight
a patchwork quilt
security blanket
a way to keep everyone out.
Wretched I am.
Agony dances across nerve endings
breath caught
panic abridges
cannot catch air
this is where I will fail.
There is no sanity
there is no wealth
a thing of the past.
©August 14/19
Picture is one of my own
taken at Matlock Beach Manitoba 2017

Obliteration

***Once again please note that this is not how I am feeling at this time.***
As a child
I never understood
the bloodshed 
the tearing of my heart
the breaking of my innocence
stolen 
gut wrenching pain
I carried within.
I have spent so much time
so many years
bowing to others
forgetting who I am
what I want
subjugating myself.
I wrapped the chains
cinched tight
threw away the key…..
There is no going forward.
There is no going back.
There is only the black void.
Within my core
a subtle whisper
groaning
undermining the peace
the harmony I have found
reaching skeletal hand out
entangled in my soul
my hair
wrapped in a hug so tight.
I cannot release myself from this danger.
I cannot……
still the words I hear
the chants
nightmarescapes
forced to confront night after night
the arrogance
the chilling reality…..
No one cared.
No one cares.
I chip away
(not I but I)
eroding the solid foundation
stood upon
it flows from beneath
until…..
there is nothing.
©August 5/19
Picture found via Pinterest