Whispered Death

*****Please note this could be a trigger poem. It is about lack of self. Leaving life behind. While I have only once felt like this (when I was 15) it never really leaves your mind. This poem is in no way reflective of how I feel.*****

I stand
waves slashing
sky
pink blood
shed
as day wanes
into night.
Roiling spray
drenched grey
looking outward
seeing only the bad
nary the good.
Voices whisper in my ear
so subtle
driving me a little crazy
telling me wrong
telling me right
telling me so many lies.
One does not know
sibilant
slightly under range of hearing
voice ringing in my ears
failure
wrong
liar
fake
names that go on and on.
Nights on my knees
praying
screaming
absolution please
come my way…..
wish I may
I wish I might
I wish that I could die tonight…..
©July 11/20
Picture is my own.

 

Directory of Pain

***This poem portrays a very bleak vision of myself. While I do have a constant mental health checklist I am going over every so often I wonder if I am fooling myself. I am not anywhere near the darkness portrayed in this poem.***

Peering
nose pressed to mirror
eyes darting
checking
evaluating.
Lackluster smile
tired from being on
day in
day out
cheerleader for all
no one to cheer me.
Lines etched
creased
no longer smile
frown
pursed lips
unhappy
pressing closer
looking for
trying to find
the girl
the one I was before.
Listening
intently
is that a whisper
chirp of bitter voice
striving to return
tears seep
am I going insane?
am I already there?
Check list
one…..
two…..
three…..
seem to pass
yet it is there
niggling worry
depression riding blackened cloud
ready to attach itself
bleed my beating heart
returning me to desolation
to despair…..
do you hear it too?
©July 7/20
Picture is my own