Relationship Goals

 

Relationship goals:

  1. Find a guy who makes me laugh.
  2. Find a guy who talks to me.
  3. Find a guy who listens.
  4. Find a guy who respects me.
  5. Find a guy who encourages me in my hobbies even when he does not understand them.
  6. Find a guy who encourages my passion(s).
  7. Find a guy who when I impose limits; accepts them without arguing.
  8. Find a guy who will hug me when I am sad.
  9. Find a guy who will celebrate my successes and failures. (Failures lead to future successes)
  10. Find a guy who will hold me while I ugly cry, barf into a bucket, or any other issue that makes me feel like shit.

These are my goals. Not for everyone I know. And really folks I used the term guy because I like men. These rules can apply every which way. (Except children and animals but that really should not need to be stated.)

This is a pretty steep set of goals a man must face if he wants to move beyond the friend zone with me. However I know what my worth is now. After years of setting my wants and needs to the side, I now realize where I stand.

And if my frog never arrives to be kissed, reverting to said Prince status, I will still live my life to the fullest, inspired and loved by those who do find their way into this story of mine.

 

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Careless

I always whisper
‘wait a day’
before I send the message
for I lack patience.

Wait and see if you will answer
maybe text me first?
In this day of instant gratification
I only want you
to respond to me.

We spoke the code
this new generation
of not dropping
into feels.

Do not look to me for love
do not look to me at all
for really this need I have
it requires only a boy to sate the craving.

Yet sit here I do,
checking each text
hoping that it will be you.

Nope, that one rings false,
‘hey baby how you doin’?
Wanna get laid tonight?’
The only way I can get you to respond.

Wrapped in your arms
salt upon my lips
I lack the ability to be careless.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 18/17

The Last Time

The last time we made love
you swore she was done
her name erased from your tongue.
No longer did she have a claim
you swore,
only I could hold the keys to your heart.
Please explain to me
why you murmur her name
in the dead of the night
as I lay next to you?
Please tell me again
how she knows the man that you are
the one that
I have beaten to death?
How my desperation for love
for total acceptance
has dominated
and eroded our story to this bitter end.
The last time we made love
you swore up and down
that she was
but a memory.
The last time we made love
you stared at me in horror
as once more,
I made you mine.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 16/17

Staying Through

I try so hard to pretend

that the pain and illusions

they mean nothing to me

not in the grand scheme of things.

I try so hard to walk away

to let the grief and despair

become a part of my landscape

and not find a space in my heart.

I want to not feel

to not surrender to the pain

that spears through my being

when I think of you

and how you will go.

I was never suppose to fall in love

never suppose to see your soul.

We were together for a brief period

and it came to be so much more.

I lay in your arms,

silent tears soaking your skin

as we pretend that nothing is remiss

that this will not be the last time.

Why do I always want?

Why do I always fall hard for the men

that will only walk away?

Never staying through

to slay the dragon and find the princess

asleep in the tower.

I watch you walk away

never turning to see

the silent grey figure

standing with tear stained cheeks

my hand held out to you.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Oct. 29/17

 

Heartbeat Moment

What random note played with another

makes a song so sweet,

gentle cooing

on the back of my neck.

Fingers knotted together

as bodies fuse into one,

pulse,sense,arousal

mated.

Beneath your hands, languid

lax, 

taken with no control;

my whimpers and moans

filling the air.

Star bursts flashing over musky flesh

bodies melding, twisting 

lips possessing,owning, claiming

skin aflame with desire.

Time stands still for a heartbeat moment 

made eternal by memory.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

 Sept. 30th/17

Better Days

Lost in the malestorm

sucked down the eddy

braving bleak thoughts

seeking always that peace.

Knowing that there will be a day;

when the pain,

the angst,

will no longer be in control.

Days when I shall see the sunshine,

hear my own laughter

and not be crippled 

by anxiety and depression.

Those are the goods days.

The ones I cling to.

For when that blackness enshrouds;

I remember that there

will always be 

a better day coming back to me.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

August 27/17