Fiery Necessity

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

Did you think that I would ascertain?
That I might acquiesce?
My love
it will not subside
I cannot pretend it is not real.
I reach for you
stroke your mind
call to you
make you feel
as I kneel
before you.
Supplication.
Naked
breast bared
heave with shuddered gasps
you fill my senses
my body
as I give to you
release
relentless
romance and pain.
We fall
lust and desire
all consuming
all eating
bodies twisting
becoming one
within the darkness of midnight.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
May 19/18
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Maimed

I get lost in fantasy
romance
forgetting
never acknowledging
it is not for me.
I am bespelled
when you speak
sweet words
sugared lies
longing looks
until I am caught
bound within the web you weave.
Once entangled
smiles become tart
words fall like hammers
wounding
gouging my self-esteem
creating this pathetic creature
that you view with scorn.
What is it about me?
Why do you torment me so?
Speaking to my dreams
to my desires
making me fall in love
only to maim my heart when you leave.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
May 6/18

Indifference

Some days will hurt more than others
with an indescribable pain
when tears free fall like diamond drops
hot and fast
salt on my cheeks
scalding my lips
like your kiss.
Drip drip drip
from my chin to the floor
head bowed beneath the misery
pulled tight with each heartbreak
screams muffled by the pillow
lip bitten to keep me silent
so that I cause you no dismay.
I keep it all hidden
I keep it locked away
I keep it in my heart
I keep it from your eyes.
I want not to cause you pain.
Sorrow you have given me
not with malicious intent
but with indifference.
Indifference to my love
to the words that I speak
indifference to the hand I hold out
an offering for you to keep.
Never doubt
my heart does bleed
emotions taut
love
my love
I shall speak of no more.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
April 29/18

Regret

Time passes

like the slow drop of a honey bead

slow touches and butterfly kisses

entrapped in the swirl of emotions

a web woven of silk

I bind myself in.

Golden sunsets and pastel dreams

everything a girl can dream

within reach for real

or a mirage made to steal?

Steal my breath, my lips

take prisoner my heart

cupped in careless hands

and whispered lies

and slowly

I begin to regret.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

November 23/17

Relationship Goals

 

Relationship goals:

  1. Find a guy who makes me laugh.
  2. Find a guy who talks to me.
  3. Find a guy who listens.
  4. Find a guy who respects me.
  5. Find a guy who encourages me in my hobbies even when he does not understand them.
  6. Find a guy who encourages my passion(s).
  7. Find a guy who when I impose limits; accepts them without arguing.
  8. Find a guy who will hug me when I am sad.
  9. Find a guy who will celebrate my successes and failures. (Failures lead to future successes)
  10. Find a guy who will hold me while I ugly cry, barf into a bucket, or any other issue that makes me feel like shit.

These are my goals. Not for everyone I know. And really folks I used the term guy because I like men. These rules can apply every which way. (Except children and animals but that really should not need to be stated.)

This is a pretty steep set of goals a man must face if he wants to move beyond the friend zone with me. However I know what my worth is now. After years of setting my wants and needs to the side, I now realize where I stand.

And if my frog never arrives to be kissed, reverting to said Prince status, I will still live my life to the fullest, inspired and loved by those who do find their way into this story of mine.

 

Careless

I always whisper
‘wait a day’
before I send the message
for I lack patience.

Wait and see if you will answer
maybe text me first?
In this day of instant gratification
I only want you
to respond to me.

We spoke the code
this new generation
of not dropping
into feels.

Do not look to me for love
do not look to me at all
for really this need I have
it requires only a boy to sate the craving.

Yet sit here I do,
checking each text
hoping that it will be you.

Nope, that one rings false,
‘hey baby how you doin’?
Wanna get laid tonight?’
The only way I can get you to respond.

Wrapped in your arms
salt upon my lips
I lack the ability to be careless.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 18/17

The Last Time

The last time we made love
you swore she was done
her name erased from your tongue.
No longer did she have a claim
you swore,
only I could hold the keys to your heart.
Please explain to me
why you murmur her name
in the dead of the night
as I lay next to you?
Please tell me again
how she knows the man that you are
the one that
I have beaten to death?
How my desperation for love
for total acceptance
has dominated
and eroded our story to this bitter end.
The last time we made love
you swore up and down
that she was
but a memory.
The last time we made love
you stared at me in horror
as once more,
I made you mine.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 16/17