I am Embarrassed

This week has not been a good week.
There have been a few things that I have been mulling over and I needed to get the anger levels down before I wrote about the situation.
This post is not about that though.
Yesterday though.
I met the threshold.
There was no more that I was able to take.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I have to put air in my tires and often.
So yesterday I left early to go over and put air in.
Especially the rear driver’s side.
It was low.
Drive over and the air hose is not there.
In I go.
I ask about the air hose and the girl behind the counter said I had to wait for the gas attendant to push the hose through the hole in the wall.
Okay no problem so off I go.
After waiting a few moments I went back to the front to see how many vehicles he had to fill.
And out comes another worker.
Her: I am sorry but the girl behind the counter did not know. You can’t get air because it is too cold out for the hose. It might crack.
I think I blinked several times trying to process this.
Me: All you need to do is push the hose through the hole.
Her: It is too cold the hose might crack.
It was -3 C.
Not cold by any means.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Are you telling me that I cannot get air? You push the hose through the hole and when I am done I push it back through so it will not crack.
Her eyes got very big.
Her: No no you just have to wait for the attendant.
I may have heard her wrong.
I admit that but I could not go any further.
I needed air and the last time it had been blocked off by a huge truck.
I phoned work to say I might be late.
As I am walking back I see the hose come shooting out the hole.
Spewing air or whatever it is that is in it.
I filled my tires and drove away.
Once the irritation at the inconvenience I had dealt with passed the guilt hit me.
I knew that I should not have sworn.
That is not who I am.
Or rather I try not to be that person.
It gnawed at me a bit.
Then a bit more.
I knew I had to apologize but I was beyond embarrassed by my behaviour.
And I was worried that if I went in she might be scared that I was there to be mean again.
As I sat here this morning more and more I knew I had to apologize.
And I looked out and saw the same car that had been there early in the morning yesterday.
And I had gone in earlier so it was the same girl I had snarled at.
I hemmed.
I hawed.
I decided to write a note.
I wrote that I was unsure if she was the young lady who was working Thursday morning.
That I was the woman who had sworn while talking to her.
That I wanted to apologize.
No excuses.
That I was embarrassed by my behaviour as that is not who I am.
And that again I was so sorry for how I acted.
I signed it Thank You. J.
When I went out I left it on the windshield of the car.
Under the wiper.
When I came home I was afraid that I was going to see it thrown to the ground.
But there was nothing there.
I am hoping that if it was not the right young woman that whomever does drive that car will pass it along.
Regardless of the stresses in my life I am not one to treat service people badly.
This time I did.
And I am not proud of myself at all.
©Oct. 22/21
Picture via Pinterest

Arrogance is not My Name

Well now aren’t I a little red faced. I am always trying to get the younger staff I work with to look ahead to see how their actions assist their co-workers coming in later. Making everyone’s job flow easier. I often receive a look like I am crazy. And I find this more and more. People always think that it is not up to them. Not their responsibility. And that drives me crazy.

Now twice this week I have had to restock the staff room. Once with sugar. Once with coffee. The sugar had been out since Saturday. I was annoyed. This also happens when someone drinks the last pot of coffee and does not make another. Oooooohhhhh this is at the top of my rage inducing list. (Not that I say anything…..out loud) I can go on and on. Having said that:

As I am grousing in my head about having to waste my time getting coffee. Why could someone else not have done it? When it hit me. I am being just as inconsiderate when in a pique of unuttered rage chose not to remake coffee…..refill sugar/coffee omg. Here I am ranting and raving about this behaviour and I am doing the same thing. Abashed I climbed the stairs and made a pot of coffee. I did however chose a different blend and brand. If I am taking that miniscule little time to go and get it I get to chose what I bring up.

Lesson learned. Now to actively implement.

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