Off with their heads

Look in the mirror
never liking what you see…..
too fat
too skinny
too freckly
too poofed up hair
too……..
descriptions of the person seen
through your own eyes.
Hide under the baggy clothes
keep the hat on tight
wretched scales
torment
fear
pain
will it ever  be right?
Words
arrows shot without aim
scurry along
head down
no one will see
no one will hurt
no one is as invisible
as one who is hiding in plain sight.
Bumped
pushed
sidle into the corner
move through the shadows
let there be no light.
One day
people will see
not only the purity of spirit
but the beautiful person that you are.
Some day soon
you will realize your true worth……
you are a Queen
let no one ever take that.
Besides you always wanted to roar
‘off with their heads’
©Sept. 16/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Untitled Poem #8

There is a lump in my throat
panic filling my body.
I cannot breathe.
Were you to see me
you would never know
the thoughts rearing through my head.
There was no good morning.
No hello.
No good night.
Immediately that voice
sneering with derision
begins to babble in my ear
how I could have fucked up
between last night
this morning
this afternoon?
(when has it every worked?)
I close my eyes
to erase
to cease
to freeze
the voices inside my head.
Deep breathe.
Neither help
to collapse the pit
forming in my stomach.
Logically
I do know that I am a fool.
Emotionally
the voice hisses
reaping
gorging
breeding
on my fear
my worries
my tears
self-doubt making me crawl
within my own skin.
I remain quiet
not wanting you to know
suffering the dark voices
tears slowly seeping
from the corner of my eyes.
***I originally wrote this September 6/18.
I reworked it today to include the Word of the Day Challenge
Dubious.***
Photo by MMPR on Unsplash

Emotional Abuse

I wonder
do you feel regret?
You tore away
eroded
destroyed
my self-esteem
my self-worth
made me feel so less
that I could not see the truth.
I say I am sorry
all the time
preventative measures
for when I do wrong.
Unconditional love
does it really exist?
I am so afraid
for the only love I have known
came with strings attached.
Compliment me
I cannot accept
will turn it aside with
‘a yes but…..’
Terrified
that I once more
will be abandoned
deserted
discarded
I erect walls
that grappling hooks cannot breach.
Emotional abuse….
you made me doubt
you made me fear
you made me worthless.
Today
I take it back.
My reality.
No fear.
For I am worth it.
September 24/18
Photo by Alex Wigan on Unsplash

Whimsy

It starts

a word

a phrase

a picture seen

creation begins.

I sit

placing fingers to keys

they dance

music flowing

without any thought.

Words spew forth

cresting the page

rage

truth

love

happiness

pictures in the sky.

Possibilities……

dreams

fantasies

dance through my mind.

Never do I know though

where my story will take me.

Photo by Stanley Dai on Unsplash

Inner Strength

No one ever saw the tears that fell
no one ever saw her sorrow
no one knew the pain inside
for she would never acknowledge.
She was strong for herself
she steeled her heart
she stood tall
she braved the wicked waves
with a glint in her eye.
When the bedroom door closed
and all are asleep
she curled within
letting the pain seep.
She had to be strong for herself
no one else would be
she had to stand tall
show the world she would not cry.
Behind doors fastened shut
emotions contained were let loose
and she felt……
the pain
the fear
the anguish
the anger
the hate.
Screams that were stifled
by day
were released at night.
She felt.
She felt it all.
She fell to her knees
for strength only goes so far
until it becomes too much
and strength is not enough any more.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
May 26/18
Photo by MMPR on Unsplash

Broken Cupid

Feral eyes glittering

claws sharp and deadly

she stalks through the night.

Scavenger of broken dreams

looting and thieving what she wants,

lust and loss her domain.

Struggles all around her

ignored for blood thirst.

A revenge that sings to her soul,

calling to her night and day

pulling her forward into the game.

A game that has been in play for eons.

Poised and coiled deadly beauty

a serpent ready to strike.

She takes aim with fatal precision

and boldly strikes at your heart.

Her weapon of choice?

A barbed arrow.

Coated with not love and adoration

but bitterness and strife.

Her desire not to pleasure

but to destroy

for all the harm done to her.

Centuries have passed

and still she rides,

seeking, forever searching.

A broken cupid who has lost her reason,

her life,

and finally her sanity.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

October 21/17

See me go

You believe in me, the person that I can be

dancing beneath the velvet night sky

Twisting and turning. Romance abounds

or is that my imagination?

I love, I learn, I yearn and I dream

I want to feel your truth

pull me into the warmest embrace

Make me feel your pain.

The acceptance I want, that I desire

you promised to me

Silently, vocally, telling me you understand

and yet, you run for the hills.

I am not a superstar, nor am I normal

I bleed and I flail, hanging by a thread

as I wait for you to see me go.

© Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 12/17