What if?

What if?
After your heart has mended
your tears have dried
no longer 
cuddling with pillows
still holding his scent
your phone were to ping.
What if?
One last wish
one last breath held
heart flutters
seeing his name
trembling smile
could it be true
had he come back…..
to play?
What if?
Truth always told
second 
always you will be 
yet 
happiness
in world does bloom
selfish
you know
here you have been before
pain only
upon this path does walk
courting it
you are.
What if?
Could you forgive?
Could you accept?
No more time
less in fact
five minutes in life
an eternity in fantasy
eyes cast in agony
doubt frustrates
drawn back within
yearning
aching 
for his touch.
What if?
Could you
would you
should you
pain that path lays
loneliness
empty nights
littered with tears
empty bottles
liquid love
easing ache
you could do without.
What if?
What ifs 
a useless game
designed 
to frustrate
to employ
wishes
dreams
wants
desires
hidden deep 
taken out
as night blackens
stars atwinkle
wish upon one…..
What if…..
 
©Oct. 21/20
Picture via Pinterest

Death’s Mastery

***I realize that this is very dark and disturbing. The emotions that I have drawn upon are not what I am feeling today. These are the echoes I can recall and express from the dark days of late 2017 and early 2018.*****
Blank sighted
mind aswirl
twisting
reaching out
reaching in
nightmare visions
stop…..
please…..
stop them.
Pain
day after day
night after night
cripples my heart
cripples my body
cripples my mind
unable to move
tears fall
unchecked
river flowing free
curled inward
falling
vile cesspooled pit.
Mouth open
silent screams
reverberate
penetrating to soul
rending
devoured
black ghouls
fattened upon gristled drips
sliver thin
sliced
keen blade
mind in torment.
This is not a cell.
This is not a jail
that I have created
for I want attention
for I need adulation
for I need care…..
it is my mind
caging me
castigating me
slowly killing me.
Unseen death
walking waking nightmare
upon this path
only I can go…..
light recedes
black encroaches
times I believe
death
would be better than this…..
©April 27/20
Picture via Pinterest