Emotionless…..I wish

I wonder 
I do
what is wrong with me?
Why do you come
only to run
once you have seen the real me?
Headstrong
just one of my features.
Delicate
emotional
head full of dreams.
Fantasies built
when I should know better
for never has anyone cared
long enough to hold my hand
to learn what it is about me
that draws them in
then chases them away.
Sadness
just one emotion I feel daily.
I give so much.
I tell myself
forewarned is forearmed
not this girl
I just fall.
Fall…..
fall…..
twist and turn
there is no way free.
Loneliness
I smile 
no one knows.
Grey mist shrouding
I walk……
alone
this path I tread
the same always since childhood.
Always have I cared for myself
yet once I want for someone…..
someone who will care for me
make me their priority.
Love
a wish flung to the stars
made on birthday candles
never shall I find.
©July 11/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Fiendish Innocence

Wrapped in your arms
head upon your chest
listening to your heart
a steady beat
beneath my head.
Slow breath in.
Slow breath out.
Your hand gently caresses.
I move
wriggling to get closer
wanting
needing
to feel your warmth.
Thaw my soul
release this heart of mine
from the iced web I carved.
A cavern of fallen stars
pinpricks of death
curses to all
who try to make me feel.
Serenade me
play love songs
make me weep
promise to me
you will always keep.
I see your lips move.
I hear the words you say.
Similar vows
always made
oaths to keep me safe
to keep me sane
to stave off
my desire
my thirst
my wretched need for revenge.
©June 24/14
Picture via Pinterest

Picture Prompt #3

Snarls dominate
shadows hidden in the blindness
blood spews
neck is twisted
victory brief 
as another comes in from the dark.
Nightmares
insidious 
crawl in my mind
screaming silence
the pain in my heart
has not eased
since we came apart.
Protector
calming the beast
nurtured in my breast
my soul
your hands kept me sane.
Without 
I slowly diminish
giving into the imps 
struggling to rise above
falling short
lapsing into pain
no drug
no alcohol
can make it abate.
Strength 
derived from how you kept me
sheltered
driving away the sorrow
driving away the murderous beast
seeking to control me.
You had kept me
safe
sane
cherished 
feelings I have now lost
since you went away.
April 7/19
Prompt provided by John of The Eclectic Contrarian

20/20

Looking back
it is easy to see
as they say
hindsight is 20/20.
I delighted in fire
flame
burning debris
still wonder
how I did not burn that place down?
Vicious words
pelting down
tearing
rending
piercing
exposed flesh.
I need time
time to adjust
to come to terms
with yet another aspect
of my past
my history.
Rage
inferior
tagged to be little
never was I important enough.
Looking back
I can finally see
veil torn from my eyes
the monster before me.
There was no love.
There was no pride in me.
I was superfluous
an afterthought
a child weaned on fear
disgrace
disregard
left to herself
her own care.
Heart torn
rent
beaten flat
left to defend
shield
armor myself
for yet another blow
another hit
another hurricane
blowing me apart.
Sept. 25/18

Not Unwanted

Never something I was looking for
I had turned myself away
off
unavailable
prefering to make of life
what it was.
Began so slowly
a message here and there
until it became a daily thing
creeping up on us both.
When you don’t look
when you don’t grasp
when you are surprised
by the sudden longing of feeling
remember that I too am as flustered as you.
These feelings
emotions
desires
yet not unwanted.
Aug. 30/18
Photo by Dan Musat on Unsplash

Miss You

I miss you
miss your arms around me
miss the smile you give me
when what I say
it makes sense to you.
You listen to me
listen like no one has ever done
making me wonder
who you are
what your game is with me.
Why do you reach out?
Why do you make me feel?
I was content for it to be playful
no emotions
no feelings.
You changed the game
or was it me?
And now we look at one another
eyes hooded with lust
with desire
with trust.
All I want to do
is crawl into your arms
to have you stare into my eyes
I want to wrap my legs around
draw you close
baby please draw me near.
We are scared
we are daring
we want one another
what we don’t want
is the pain
the fear
that we carry in our hearts.
Aug. 22/18

Eternal Hope

Sitting by the rain splattered window

watching you walk away

I should have known better

I should never have said…..

that you make me smile

that you make me warm inside

that I could see a future

one in which we were together

I should have kept my big mouth shut.

I saw the blinders come down

I saw you shutter your heart

face hard with disbelief

you stared at me

shaking your head

this was not what we had discussed.

I cannot help the way that I feel

these emotions crept up on me

I know the truth

my love is unrequited

yet my hope springs eternal.