Let The Proceedings Begin

19 years ago today the ex and I said ‘I do’.
We had been together 7 years already and he thought it was time to get married.
I went along for the ride although my heart was not really in it.
Not that I did not love him but I had sworn as a young girl I was never getting married after witnessing my parents marriage fall apart.
My reasoning was that if it ended there would be so much easier to walk away.
Within 6 weeks of my having said yes I was married.
This is also the year that my depression was first diagnosed.
Although it was before the marriage not after. 😂😂😂😂
We had good years and bad.
It was the way of any marriage only I was feeling stifled.
I was feeling unseen.
Disappearing into a mom/boss (at work)/wife there was no me any more.
My ex is not a bad man at all.
And he does his best to do right with me now.
When we were married I paid all the bills /loan/mortgage and he paid for groceries etc.
I was always stressed.
Slowly our marriage dissolved.
And then it ended.
We, he and I, have worked very hard to go from where we were when we split in 2016 to today 2021.
I can say he is one of my closest friends.
And I one of his depending on the month and the girlfriend. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
We can talk about everything and anything as well as co-parenting.
Today I have my first call with the lawyer.
To begin our divorce.
Talk about irony right there.
I am not going to lie I have cried a couple of times since making the phone appointment. 😢😢
This is the final little bit to making our lives totally separate.
It is an ending.
And endings are hard for anyone no matter how it comes about. 😞😞
©Sept. 14/21
Picture is my own

Autumn’s Gloaming

This is the flip side of yesterday’s poem. Unexpected Love can be read here.
Sweet summer days
filled with delights
slowly deflate
moving into the season of fall.
Trees
beautiful in crowns of gold and red
carpet crinkles beneath my feet
I listen for the sound of your step
hoping
wishing
that you would come back for me.
We had tender kisses
talked of a future
of children
of a life intertwined.
In a single heartbeat
one whispered word
I understand not still
what it was that drove us apart.
Chitter chatter
squirrel scolding
as I walk
meandering
dead leaves dissipate
under the heels of my feet
as I turn along the path
where you sought my love
where you let me fall
never looking back.
Crimson sunset
sheds diamond drops on the water
tears
no longer shed
only do I feel numb.
Nearly had a love
unconceived
rare
I held it out
only to be spurned
left alone
without even a good-bye.
©August 26/19
Picture via Pinterest