We done good…..

Yesterday I went over to the ex’s so he could check over the car and see what needed to be done before winter.
Like my transmission.
Which needs a flushing.
Included in the car check was dinner with him and Tember.
Well Tember and I ate and the ex had some drinks.
It was not as hard as I thought sitting there with him talking as he drank.
 
It took us a long time but the ex and I are friends.
Yesterday after he looked over the car the three of us sat in the shop chatting.
The ex and I chatted and Tember had a little input here and there.
As always. 
Our topics included property tax, divorce and how we should proceed. 
Discovered the previous rush had to do with the now ex-girlfriend who wanted to get married.
Turns out the ex didn’t.
Also they are looking at building in two years. 
Ex has a really good plan for himself.
And to be honest I am really proud of how far he has come in the last five years.
He even made a comment about how the split between the two was amicable neither had cheated.
I took it in stride. 
He was not being mean to me.
He was stating a fact.
And I understood he was not casting stones at me. 
We are passed that.
 
Our conversation segued into him telling me how at work on Sunday’s he checks the weekly obits.
And some of his friends are dying.
Which when you consider he is only 49 top age of a previous friend who passed away 51. 
Kinda scary when you think about it.
The ex is doing well with his weight and controls his diabetes with exercise and diet.
Last night he said that he might quit drinking in the future but not now.
We were discussing my nearly 90 days sober and he wanted to know what precipitated my desire to quit.
 
Discovering that his fly was down the ex asks:
Why did you not tell me my fly was down?
Me: Well I didn’t notice. (Not looking there so hello…..)
 
Tember at this time looks at the two of us and announces: 
If this is what an adult is about…..sitting and talking about death and taxes. And loans. And building houses. And divorce. That is just boring. I do not want to be an adult.
 
Worried your child is growing up to quickly the above is a detailed explanation of how to send them running back to childhood.
 
Was telling the ex how when I look at Tember I see so much of him in our son that I did not realize how many features we shared until I had taken a different picture of us. 
Showed it to him and he is looking at my eyes. 
I had still been drinking at that time. 
Tember is getting all embarrassed.
 
Me: He is not all that bad other than sometimes words come out of his mouth before his brain catches up.
Ex: That he gets from me. Oooops did I say that?
Me: And the eye rolling. 
Ex: That he got from you.
Me: He does it a lot. See?
Tember wails: I am not doing it on purpose.
Ex and I bellow with laughter and Tember is looking all hurt.
Me: Buddy no we are not laughing at you. We are laughing because your dad has literally heard those exact same words come out of my mouth.
 
Genetics have a funny way of showing up.
 
Lastly Tember begins his ‘mom you shrank’ dance and I told him off.
Stop with the growing.
My runners are flat little canvas shoes no rubber.
He is wearing hiking boots.
Standing on the top part of the curve on the slope of the shop entrance. 
No determination was made.
Tember did say he did a ‘test’ on the computer and he is going to be 6’2″ according to that.
Which lead to a height aligning with his dad.
As you can see in all three pictures which I snapped one right after another they have the same expressions on their faces.
And yes I did ask the ex for permission before I posted his picture here.

 

Have a magnificent Monday loves.
I am having a lazy holiday Monday.
 
©Oct. 12/20
Pictures are my own

Let The Next Phase Begin

No I am not talking about Covid 19. I am not talking about borders or reopening economies and provinces.
When Tember was born nigh on 12 years ago the ex and I we took out a loan. I have been looking forward to the day I no longer have to pay. There are things I want/need that having this extra money would make easier. I really really really need a new couch. Badly. Was thinking about a new mattress but today I purchased a sherpa fluffy mattress cover which has changed the whole game. New bed all around lol. Tember wants me to leave so he can go roll around on the softness. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The ex recently took out loan. He wants a few things and also this will pay for my name being taken off the land title giving him sole ownership of the property. Which will then lead to him renewing mortgage without my name. When I left the marriage I gave him the house and property. Were he to have sold in the first two years we would have worked something out. However he has not. And I am fine with that.
Earlier today I checked my bank account and noticed something was a little different but I was checking balance so did not look too closely. Was looking at calendar and thought I would text ex and see when he was signing papers. Which when he responded to me threw me for loop. He had already signed them.
I reopened my banking app and logged in. Sure enough it was gone. No more loan amount. I will not lie I cried. For me this is huge. For the first time in 20 years I do not have an extra payment. 20 years. I sent ex a message telling him I was so thankful and grateful that he did not realize how much this meant to me. He said I was welcome.
Now my ex and I have had our issues. But we also have worked very hard to become friends who can discuss things such as this. Who can co-ordinate and share our son amicably. I know there are those who think that what we have is weird…….I get that…..not everyone has a great relationship with their ex. Some exes are bat shit crazy. There is no help. Yet we have made it work. For Tember I think that is the most important thing. He sees this. It is imperative that he realize just because two people no longer want a relationship that when children are involved everyone should to the best of their ability do this. Again there are those bat shit crazy exes who there is no help for.….I do not fall in this category. Although ask the ex and he might disagree.🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am going to enjoy this lack of extra payment and having to budget for it. And for those who are wondering……a couch will be coming but for now all my extra money will be going to feed the growing child in my house.
©July 11/20
Picture is my own