Blackened Husk

***At first I thought that this was going to become positive. It has not. This is not at all how I feel now. It is a recollection of how I felt in the days leading up to my big KABOOM! 4 more days***
Pallid specter
grey
anguished features
pain
unbidden
unwanted
would give anything for it to go away.
Discomfort…..
what all feel 
when I am present.
Lost
scarecrow straight
stride forward
look neither right
nor left
acknowledge nothing
so much safer this way.
Disquieted…..
easier to pretend
than to actually see
this…..
is what life has done to me.
No longer looking in the mirror
escape the penetrating look
disappointment
that I have not lived up
to the expectations
I force upon myself.
Malaise…..
bites deep
look away
hide away
draw knees in
protect yourself
no one else will.
Time has expired 
leaving me void
my reality
my truth
I hate to say it
but there is no moving forward.
©Dec. 19/19
Picture via Pinterest