Never Again

I hear you.
Chirping away at me.
Chirp.
Chirp.
Chirp.
First time you lied 
should have known better
should have shown you the door.
Second time you lied
I crossed my fingers
hoping that you were done.
Third time…..
Well damn girl…..
I was just an idiot
so lost in lust
I could not see straight.
My desire for you
my obsession with you
all consuming
eating away at me.
Back and forth I go.
Do I love you?
Or do I not?
My lack.
My confidence
gone to black.
Fed your ego
made you so tender
basked in my adoration
how does it feel
now that I am gone?
I saw you.
I see you.
I miss you.
I no longer need you.
Love you still.
Protecting my heart…..
shielded…..
shackled…..
lost
caged…..
found
in your hand or mine
shall never know.
Forgiving I am.
Wiser.
My worth.
My knowledge.
Myself.
Never again
will I forget
who I am
who I am meant to be.
Never again will I lose me.
 
March 2/19
Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash

Let Us Sin

Music swells
bodies move on the street
colorful floats
women dressed in diamante
hips moving
swaying
siren’s call to sin.
Strangers becoming friends
lovers
dancing
grinding
time for all to have fun.
a week of desires
fun
wilding
before the beginning of lent.
Pious
in faith
in dress
kneeling before the priest
confessing
smiling in secret
knowing that the dance will begin again.
Sept. 22/18

Desert Red

***This is a continuation from the poem River Styx.***
I climb
over burnt amber sands
piled high
reminescent
of snow hills
I played on as a child.
Glaring sun
no respite
I stumble along
unsure
where I am going
what I will find at the end.
Moving one foot before the other
cracked lips
I can feel the skin on my face
blistered
charred
no agony
no pain
Is this trial by fire?
Will the sins staining my soul
finally be erased?
An oasis I seek
mirage
what I find
until finally I fall
unable to move further on.
finds me
face down
covered partly by sand.
With surprising strength
he picks me up
placing me on his wagon.
‘Rest little one.
I am the next to carry you further.’
Sept. 13/18
Photo by Mason Field on Unsplash

I will…..

Standing atop the mountain
staring down
above clouds skitter across the sky
below
a fall that could mean death
unless I trust I can soar.
My tongue is swollen
words I wish to say
locked in
my throat closes
leaving me breathless.
My heart hammers
pounding
against my ribs
a hand
reaching within
squeezing
ripping it without.
Fall too fast
fall too far
always told to not be rash
to bide my time
to furl in my desires
all will come eventually.
Leaping before I look
before I gauge the situation
trusting myself.
I will fly.
I will fall.
I will be caught.
I will find my truth.
It is out there
waiting on me.
Sept. 7/18
Photo by Mike Wilson on Unsplash

Darling Girl: Response to Open Love Letter

Response to:  Open Love Letter  
My darling girl….
you wrote to me
explaining you were scared
not certain
that what I felt was truthful
not actions and words
you felt manipulative.
I do not know who hurt you
who took you apart
made you to feel
that you were not enough.
I want to wrap my arms around
pull you close
feel the tension seep out
as you relax
deep breath
your body leaning into mine.
Your independence
a solid cloak
deflecting my gaze
you work so hard
to remain indifferent.
Your heart weeping
from fear.
Look into my eyes
do you see a lie?
I want you to fall….
fall into me
I want you ….
to trust.
My darling girl
I do so promise
I will not hurt you
blow away your fears
open your heart to mine please.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
June 22/18
Photo by TNK PHOTO on Unsplash

Mother’s Rage

Silver stream protector of the land

winding and bowing around rock and sand

high above the rotting cliff

lays the crumbled castle

where the Midnight club met.

They came but once a year

to renew their bonds with the land

with the energy around them

with Mother Earth.

As the time drew near

a development began to take place

a defacement of the sacred ground.

The Midnight club met and stared in horror

at the broken terrain

the fallen castle

at the machinery  whose claws

dug deep in moist soul

murder of crows above.

They muttered and murmered

they called upon the Mother

to wreck havoc on the men so crass

as to pervert her domain.

Come morning as the sun rose

brilliant scarlets and violet pinks

men stood at the edge of the land

across the crevice lay nothing

no machines

no castle

no trace that there had every been.