Not for You

You wrapped me in silk
pampered
loved
put me in the clouds
made me to feel as Queen
when in reality
I was only a cheap stopping place.
Fantasies
rose colored glasses
hunger so deep.
I needed to be made to feel
as though I was the first
the only choice.
One made with thought
insight
understanding
do not make promises you cannot keep.
I was not…..
First.
A thought.
You never saw inside of me
read the print of my skin
heard my truth.
I became one more in a long line of……
acquisitions
notches upon the bed posts
fool that I was
thinking
dreaming that I was your last one.
Rage
black
boiling
searing blood
sizzling in my veins
head thrown back
screaming in vain.
Love has turned…..
from sunshine blossoms
a wiping of my mind
of my memories.
So long
goodbye
never again will I cry.
Not for you.
©June 11/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Upside Down (Picture Prompt #4)

Perverted shadows
ebony wings stretched out
encompassing
entwining
this upside down world.
Reflective
opposite
I watch with envy
at those who live up there
no knowledge have they
of us in the mirror.
We are…..
sin
envy
jealousy
black darkness in your soul
vomited
into our reddish tinged world……
we are the secrets never revealed.
Daylight reigns
in the world above
while I live in perpetual gloom.
Shattered
my pieces broken
as I loose thee
you fly within boundaries.
My scarlet tears colour the sky.
Shadowy blackness
it steals
submerges
sucks dry
energies
used to keep me tame.
Ravaged
nothing more to say
desert dry
despite rain falling up…..
falling down…..
drowning my sorrows
are you here to stay?
Beautiful dream
beautiful desire
beautiful
I find it beautiful
even if I am the Upside Down.
April 7/19
Once more photo prompt via John at The Eclectic Contrarian.

Picture Prompt #2

***This is the 2nd picture prompt from John over at The Eclectic Contrarian. 
Sorrowfully
my eyes drawn to the never ending 
flow of water
that surrounds my castle of sand.
I long for 
yearn for
ache for your return 
night after night
only hearing the lap of water
lull-a-bye 
sweet good night.
sheltered beneath lashes
tear glazed cheeks
heart wracked
destroyed
by the cruelness of fate.
Time lapses
no change in the tide
ebb
wane
full moon pregnant with hope
searing sun
beating down
tiara built of shells.
Siren of the sea
temptress
moored upon my lonely rock
waiting….. 
waiting…..
waiting…..
knowing one day
you will come back…..
April 7/19

Tempest Howls

Left in the wind
howling
full moon
calling blood to surface
bringing me to my knees.
Tempest
storm unacknowledged
swimming against the tide
fighting
desperate
I will make it back
crawl upon the shore
gaze up in weariness at the stars on high.
Count my blessings
there are none
only a cold darkness
that condemns.
Curled in a ball
curled in on my soul
desperate to make myself feel
desperate to make myself forget
contradiction
this I know
but you know not
see not
the rotting damage within.
See not
the reel of film
on autoplay
over and over
ravaging of my being
my heart
broken when so little.
No one cares
no one attempted to shelter
I have been alone
alone
always I shall be.
Pain
would that you could feel
sharp
blinding
no one can save
I am dying
care to acknowledge your part
your destination in this plot?
I thought not
Father wolf shall come
ready to rip out your throat.
Sit upon your chest
muzzle soaked through
gentle lick of the cheek
salted tears gone
head upon his fur
steady heartbeat
he is my protector
he is my……
Fuck you.
 
March 28/19
Image by GimpWorkshop from Pixabay

Untitled Relationship Poem #8

***I began this back in December. Today I finished it off. Creatively.***
Did you do this to suck me back in?
I build up this fantasy
I attribute to you
ideas
feelings
desires
which are mine
not yours.
I hurt myself
thinking that there is a possibility
you might want me as much as I want you.
Tell me true……
do you love me?
do you miss me?
do you want me still?
I want to twine my arms
my legs
my body around yours.
I want to
feel safe
feel desired
feel wanted.
I miss you so……
but 
I need to know
am I only a game to you?
Tell me true
do not lead me on
not by the nose
not by the…….
please
I need the truth
which I hold dear.
Truth I espouse.
I need it.
Lies are evil
torn me down
hurt me
left me a bleeding mess
emotionally.
Do not lie to me.
I have never lied to you. 
Never.
This is me…..
down on my knees…….
begging you please…..
do not hurt me. 
 
Feb. 23/19

Help?

Can you help me?
I need to excise these feelings.
I need to eradicate this love.
I need to eliminate my heart
will you show me how?
Like ‘Insensitive’
that song keeps playing in my mind
I wonder was I to pass the time?
Many a morning
an evening too
I watched you grow smaller
in the rear view.
Had I known
the last time there
would be my last
I would have savored the moment more
those few precious seconds
I was wrapped in your arms.
Ties that bind
shaking my head
to clear
memories I still hold dear
remembrances of your scent
the heavy feel of your arm pulling me close
as my head rested
listening to your heartbeat.
That steady thrum
helped me to sleep
many a night
when monsters tortured my dreams.
Now alone
the monsters are free to roam
there is no protector
no white knight
saving me
with a vicious uppercut
and double edged sword.
Please…..
fight for me
slay dragons for me
keep me safe
why do we run
when really we both need to be?
Speak clear
tell me true
should I get over you?
I cannot.
I know….
I know that I am building a fantasy
but
never have you told me not to.
All I want to know
all I need to know
is…….
do you love me still?
 
January 17/19

Wildness

Rose 
to pink
to purple
to mauve
to jade 
to emerald
to sapphire
blending to aqua
kaleidoscope of colors
bleeding along butterfly wings.
She swoops
swirls
sweeps
flitting in meadows
green 
grey
dead.
Poisoned air
scented with 
sweet floral notes
of the belladonna plant.
Hovering……
waiting…..
I pick my way below
following my guardian
my guide
she leads me true.
To where?
I do not know.
To accomplish what?
That is still a mystery
Appearing as I was denounced.
Vilified.
So Lost
down the Rabbit’s Hole
Skritching noises 
as she communicates
while on their harness
my wee beasties wail.
They snap and snarl
whining their wants
as she flies ahead
leading us further into this wild land.
 
January 11/19