The Last Time

The last time we made love
you swore she was done
her name erased from your tongue.
No longer did she have a claim
you swore,
only I could hold the keys to your heart.
Please explain to me
why you murmur her name
in the dead of the night
as I lay next to you?
Please tell me again
how she knows the man that you are
the one that
I have beaten to death?
How my desperation for love
for total acceptance
has dominated
and eroded our story to this bitter end.
The last time we made love
you swore up and down
that she was
but a memory.
The last time we made love
you stared at me in horror
as once more,
I made you mine.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 16/17
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Long Distance Love Affair

My tears become the stars in the sky

lighting your way.

My dreams become the songs your play

to stay awake.

Each mile takes you further away

and I am scared,

we will never meet again.

Tempted to run after you

to throw caution to the wind

to proclaim aloud the way I feel

and not to dread…..

Dread the rejection

fear the pain

I cannot speak these words.

My tongue bound with silver threads

my soul bound in an iron cage

my heart bound with brambled thorns

to keep me safe and sound.

Every mile becomes a lifetime

driving us further apart

and the whispered promises

of I’ll be back

fades to black as the curtain falls to a close

on this long distance love affair.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

 November 15/17

Are we in love?2

Are we in love?

Every day I ask myself this
as I look at your picture.

Are we in love?

What I feel,
it sits on the back shelf
dusty and tired
like an antique candlestick;
as everyone forgets how it lead the way.
Burnished bright,
it longs to shine
but I cannot bring it forth
for I cannot make a claim
at this time.
My heart it has been attacked
time and time again
until never shall I allow it free
for fear of the pain it will bring to me.
I love you.
I adore you.
But the words will not be spoken.
Not from my lips
to your ears,
for I could not shoulder dark desolation
when you did not return the favor.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 9/17

Are we in love?

Are we in love?

Is this just a silly game? 

One we play with each other?

Are we in love?

And if we are,

why do we keeping hiding it 

from one another?

Crimson displays of violet sunsets

children play in the park

laughter and love is all around us

and yet still we do not trust.

I will hold your hand

but leave your heart

I don’t want to cause you pain.

Maybe one day we will be brave

and hasten to arrive

at this altar built to serve.

Until than though

we shall sit in silence

and wonder…..

are we in love?

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

 November 8/17

Winter’s Embrace

I have come so far
on feet of ice
and with heart
encased.

So tired of this burden.
I want to put it down
to rest for but a moment
before I continue forward.

I am afraid of you
afraid of what you offer.
For once before I sought comfort
only to be turned away.

How can you hold your hand out?
You know nothing of my past.
Nothing of pain,
the likes of which I carry.

I wish I could trust
I wish I could know
if what you offered
would melt my heart and soul?

I want to feel spring’s caress.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 7/17

Pain & Joy

Pain

rippling and folding

into every part of me.

Wrapping

chains of horror

around my soul.

Warping

my bemused mind

as I let go.

I now understand the root of my addiction.

I feel too much. I love too much. I give too much.

And when it falls,

when beneath the burden of my too muchness

it disintegrates,

that backlash of pain is overwhelming.

I recall now

the tears, the rage, the everything

that comes from this all absorbing pain of…..

Failure.

Not being enough.

Not believing enough.

From loving too much.

From giving everything.

From my own fantasies.

Silly girl that I can be.

Yet as I stand within this maelstrom of sorrow

I begin to understand my strength.

I do love.

I do give.

I do feel.

I do not need to hide from these emotions.

For within them is the true me

the girl who still dances with butterflies

and loves with all her heart.

The woman who can finally accept

the joy that comes from giving her all

and embraces,

rather than fights it.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Oct. 30/17

 

Regrets

As I lay naked before you

I sense your reverence

in the whispering touch

of your fingers upon my skin.

Your eyes capture mine

not letting me look away

your mouth covers mine

leaving me breathless.

I try so hard to deny

the emotions I feel.

You banter and pull,

pushing down the walls I built

to protect my heart.

Tears well as I stare up at your face,

the connection so strong-

and I realize

no matter how hard I try

you have penetrated my mind,

my heart, my body and my soul.

I am yours today, tomorrow and always.

My love in your care

please do not make me regret.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Oct. 20/17