Unbidden Tears

Back to the wall

shadows creeping in closer

watching the covered figure sleep.

She slides down the wall

tears seeping unbidden.

Restless, the figure stirs, mumbling in its sleep

the words indistinguishable beneath the sighs

Tossing and turning sudden sounds of fear

and still she watches.

The blackness begins to creep throughout the room

covering the figure on the bed

The woman stands trying to claw her way free

but there is to be no release.

Bowing her head she gives into the shadows

allowing the feelings of hatred, despair

loathing and disregard for her well being

To find the toe holds and chinks in the armour.

The figure on the bed turns, and she beholds herself

wrapped in a cocoon of black shadows

of feelings so strong, so torrential

and still unbidden tears do seep.

 

©Jay-lyn Doerksen February 2017

Anxiety

I hate anxiety. There is no insidious beast like anxiety. I am not helpless. I know how to raise my child, I know how to do my job. But in the early morning hours, when said child is screaming at me, I begin to wonder, what the f*** man? Can I not do this?

On my best days, the days where I am snapping and I am rolling, where my customers and my son are feeling great because they are so important to me, I can do no wrong. My swag is shining, my words are poetry and everyone who meets me is game. And than the rush fades,  I start to think about the next week, the next sale, the next hour, and wow, I am fucked.

Anxiety eats at you. Anxiety makes you believe that you do not have the ability, the time or even the understanding……anxiety makes you doubt every aspect of your being…..anxiety makes you doubt the truth of your being…….

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