Good Bye Baby

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Screaming. In my head. My voice.
How the fuck could I have done this? I have no recollection. Suddenly people were screaming at me to stop and the baby was missing…..I only had a couple oh my god what have I done?
They are going to take her from me. I know it. I did not mean to do it. I put down the car seat put the beer on the backseat heard something turned away and……oh my god how could I have forgotten that I  had put her down on the pavement. Tears fill my eyes. How am I going to live with myself? I nearly please let it only be nearly killed my beautiful baby girl. Fuck……
They think that I don’t see I don’t hear them whispering. Cunt mother drunk drugged up forgot her baby girl was in the car seat behind her vehicle. Thank goodness the stupid bitch was so hammered she didn’t hurt the baby at all. Voices ripping into me. Eyes slashing daggers pull into myself there will never be enough rage throughout the world scourging me as I scourge myself. Rub raw bleeding wounds oh god I cannot believe that I have done this.
Don’t take her from me please. Wrists now bound. Screams baby wanting her mother I try so hard to be good but it is not easy. They all know I am going to fail they tell me so. Maybe it is better this way……
Time to say good bye. Heart breaking watch parents carry her away at least family will have her I will not be a total stranger papers in front of me signed. Lean head back tears slip slowly from lidded eyes pain so intense I feel nothing.
Late last evening the body of 29 year old Laverna Moore was found in the back of Shamrock’s Bar. Police have given a preliminary cause of death as accidental overdose. Most of our viewers will remember Laverna from last month when she nearly drove over her daughter while high……In other news……
Jan. 12/20
Picture via Pinterest

Split Second

I wonder did you look back as you walked away? I know that you did not. I know for I stood at the living room window hidden behind the drapes. You would have seen the shadow of me peeking after you. My heart shattered. Trite I know but at my feet lay a thousand pieces. How could you leave? How could you go? I thought you loved me. I thought you cared.With wicked disregard you tore my life apart. I was a fool. Always have been you sneered at me. 
Multiple women in our bed. Vicious beating when supper was late. Lived with fear clothed in a lie of love now stripped bare. Clouds suddenly parting as I saw the vile man that you are. Mean. Little. Spittle spewing as you scream at me. Hair plucked from head standing on end cocking my head I look at you. Strange how you went from the love of my life to the object of my hatred in the blink of an eye. Scales pulled ripped off like scabs. Brutal pain spears through the heart and then a sting of stupidity a flash of hatred for my own self that I had fallen so far.
Began as a flatterer a wooer of love. Whispers in my ears of what a beautiful girl and I allowed you to fill my sight. I never noticed when my friends fell away as you became my entire being. Once alone isolated your began a campaign of terror that would last this entire time. Captive in my own home. Afraid to risk being seen going to the far side of town to shop. Hiding my face with make up and hats that did nothing to camouflage the bruises old and new. Multiple broken arms and wrists. A few head traumas. All enough to weaken me further to ensure that I would remain at your side……your very own live punching bag for when life became too much. 
I saw the light beckoning as you walked away. That is how I knew. That you never looked back as you entered death.
I gazed upon your bloody face. An expression of surprise. Eyes wide open. Caught as you roared how dare you who do you…..thunk
I have called the police.
Best put on the coffee it is going to be a long night. 

Jan. 7/20