Untitled Poem #4

Pacing
nails bitten to the quick
waiting
dreading
the words that he will speak.
Heart is racing
can feel the blood in my ears
pounding in my head
I am dizzy
I am aware
I am afraid.
Though I have been flippant
making jokes
deflecting questions
with questions of my own
I have cried
I have screamed
I know that I did this to myself.
Years and years
of abuse
of pills
of anything that would numb
it had to catch up to me eventually.
Truth be told
today is the day
when finally I can admit
to more tears
to more fears
than jokes
and quick witted remarks.
Nov. 5/18
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash