I need to apologize. For a couple of things.
- I have not had the same amount of time lately to get through all the blogs I am following and I feel horrible. I am very busy right now although I am not sure with what and am hoping that things will settle soon. Or I will win the lottery and be able to retire thus freeing up good reading time.
- Kristian over at Tales from the mind of Kristian nominated me for an award and I have yet to get around to it. Kristian I so appreciate and will get it done by Sunday at the latest.
- John over at The Eclectic Contrarian challenged me to write a poem/story based on a picture he shared. This also will be done by Sunday at the latest.
I try my best to read all of you. Some days it is not so easy. I have been a little lethargic and tend to be sleeping in more in the mornings. Part of me wonders if I am in a depression but I am happy. There is no voice in my head telling me no one cares, no one wants to hear my problems. There are no issues at work, I enjoy myself now and interacting with customers. But the small little concerned voice is suggesting that it might be so.
I think part of my problem is that I stay up to ensure that T goes to bed. And after interacting with people all day long, I am exhausted. There is a difference in my normal self and being relaxed chilling at home or with friends, and my work self. Not a one person would believe that I am actually an introvert. At the end of my 8 hours, I need silence. I need to recharge. I need to go to bed earlier.
Also I am dealing with a bit of heartbreak as everyone can see as they read. I fell in love and got burned. Badly. This was the first time that I had opened up to someone about everything about me, since leaving the ex in 2015. So another thing to apologize for is the lamenting brokenhearted poems. (I still am in love with him but that is another post. Maybe)
The one constant in my life, besides reading and catching up on the blogs I follow is my own writing. I have been writing a lot. On different themes. And I am wanting to organize. And eventually publish a collection. And I need to organize all my poetry from the blog. Idiot Jay didn’t bother/think of writing her poetry on Evernote and having a copy on file, did not start to happen until last year. So really I only have 2017’s posts/poetry to go through and I have made a start.
I am meandering all over the place here. As I do, I realize I am not depressed. My girl friends they all have been keeping close tabs on me. I talk to them every day. Even if it is just sending a GIF and they respond with another, they know how I am doing. I know that they would be banging down the door//phone if they thought that there was something wrong.
The being in love thing, that is on hold.
I am going to work really hard at getting myself back on track. By that I mean exercising and eating better. I have fallen off the wagon a little there and it is time to get back up on that horse. LOL I did not do that intentionally.
Thank you for taking the time to read all my babbling. I bounced here and there covering the thoughts in my head. I will work hard to read at least one of your posts per day. I may not always comment but I am there. Lurking in the background, peering around corners, checking y’all out. . (As if that doesn’t give you the creeps.)
‘I want that!’
‘I want it!’
Tiny fingers grabbing
idiotic ideas flying
peace is a process
ruined by a few
for so many.
Grinning like an asshole
making countries weep
and making oneself weak.
Raising middle fingers
telling friends to back off
snuggle close with broken regimes
a smile on one’s face.
Things will go wrong
it depends on who one asks.
Temper tantrums will fly
of stomping feet
to turn the mood back.
Wrest control now
while still able
for nothing is worse
than watching a grown man
act like he is three.
I had a conversation today with a woman who’s niece just lost everything in a house fire. The whole house burned to the ground. Pictures. Momentos. All their furniture. But everyone got out alive. They have insurance so the house will be rebuilt and its contents replaced. The pictures, well I am sure that someone somewhere probably has wedding photos, etc. Momentos are probably gone.
This got me thinking though about how much importance we place on stuff.
I have all my photo albums. I have a box full of school stuff mom kept for me. And I realize that it is all going to end up in a garbage heap somewhere or burned before I die. T is not going to want them. He knows no one in the photos save for myself, the bro and mom. There is no connection. The stories behind them will mean nothing.
The school items are useless as well. Again they only have importance to me and even that is fast going the way of the dodo bird. I have carted that box around through three moves. And I think in 18 years since receiving it, I have looked in there once.
If my apartment were to catch on fire, my concern would be getting T and the cats out. And myself of course. Everything else I can replace. The photos cannot be replaced but how often have I looked in those photo albums since receiving them 18 years ago? Once with T who quickly became bored. I have memories, and to me that is so much more important.
How for my 5th birthday, mom put me on the bus (this was 1977 things likes this were relatively safe to do) and I sat in the front seat where the bus driver could keep an eye on me. When I arrived at the stop in front of City Hall I got off and met up with my grandma who took me to The Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch.
How every Sunday after we visited at grandma and grandpa’s I was sent home with a chocolate marble ice cream cone. To this day that is my favorite ice cream.
I remember when my brother was born. I did cartwheels across the front lawn. That excitement quickly turned to dismay once I realized I was stuck with him forever. (He he he he the bro never reads my posts so I can make fun as much as I want)
How T cried when he was born and gripped my finger so tight for such a tiny little thing. And I said ‘Welcome to the world baby.’
That is what is important. Not the material things that people surround themselves with because more is better, but the time that I have spent with my family and friends building memories. Memories can never be lost not even in senility or Alzheimer’s as there is a retreat into the past.
And that is what is irreplaceable. Memories.
Once more I would like to thank Kranti over at Sparklingthoughts for nominating me to do the 3 day Quote challenge.
I again was scrolling through FB looking for something that would hit home for me when I came across this one.
A lot of the people that I use to let into my life, though they said they were friends did not have my best interests at heart. They would rather tear me down and make me feel small about myself and my passions than support me.
I have come to realize that the people who love me/care for me/want the best for me are the ones I need in my life.
I have surrounded myself with friends and family who only want the best for me. Who cheer for me and occasionally kick my butt when I really need it. And I am so grateful for them.
I have saved this quote to my phone along with yesterday’s so I am always reminded that those who love and care for me will always push me to be the best that I absolutely can be.
No drama. No negativity.
Happiness and success. We can all achieve it as we work together.